


Clara's new role

by Greenmonster



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Broken Bones, Corporal Punishment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Fights, Gen, Hurt, Illnesses, Imprisonment, Knitting, Pain, Prison, Tears, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 109
Words: 77,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenmonster/pseuds/Greenmonster
Summary: For some reason the Time Lords decided to remove the time lock and give Clara life in prison instead. Maybe they were having a good day? But now she has two cellmates to deal with named Missy and River.
Kudos: 18





	1. From death to life sentence.

Clara hated this. Intake at a prison she didn't want to go to because some Time Lords decided she shouldn't die. Well, death seemed preferable now. The chains were heavy and bit into her flesh leaving blood in her wake. "Inmate! Bleeding on the floor? Really?" The Guard wasn't happy. He hit her hard across the face. "Honestly! Why do I have this job?" "You stop that! Hand over the prisoner and leave."  
" Fine, officer Noble! " The man left Clara alone and the redhead took over. "I'm sorry about him. Bad day I guess. Now, let's get these chains off and clean up that blood."

" This is your cell. Meet River and Missy, your cellmates. " Clara was suddenly afraid. She wasn't on good terms with Missy. But nobody was on good terms with Missy. Missy's mother was probably not on good terms with Missy. River was nice enough, when she wanted to be. That wasn't often, but she was safer than Missy. Not that Clara trusted either. 

"Hello Sweetie! It's nice to see you again." River said. Seeing the glare of hatred in Missy's eyes made Clara shake, quickly, she dove under the bed before Missy could do anything. "How are you still alive?" Missy was vexed. Clara wasn't going to say anything about anything to her. "You're bleeding, sweetie. Here, come out and let me help you." River coaxed. Clara just curled farther away from her. "I don't want to hurt you. Just help." Clara consented and allowed River to properly bandage her. Remembering Missy was watching, Clara became rather apprehensive. "Missy! Quit planning!" River snapped. "I'll steal your blanket if you try anything." Missy looked hurt, but only for a moment. " I'll kill you in your sleep, Song! " She retorted. "You'll do no such thing. But I warn you, if you try I will kill you and make sure it looks natural!" River could make good on that threat, Missy knew that. Clara felt a little better knowing River had her back. " Now, sweetie, this is your bed. Right above mine. You don't wet the bed, do you? " River asked. "I haven't wet the bed since I was little." Clara was not exactly expecting that question, and she was tired. " Go to bed. It's getting late anyways. " River said. Clara didn't need to be told twice. Soon she was asleep and not long after, so were Missy and River.


	2. A fight and a fright

"How could you?" Missy admonished. River was just smirking. " I got bored and thought I might have some fun. " "Taking my blanket and dunking it in the toilet was not fun!" Missy pouted " It was for me! " River grinned. "I'll kill you for this!" Soon both women were fighting like animals. "STOP! STOP!" Cried Clara. "Can't I take a shower and leave you alone for five minutes?" It had been several days and Clara seemed to take over River and Missy. "What happened?" " She took my blanket and put it in the toilet! "  
Missy said, holding her nose. "Here, have a tissue. Sit on your bed and tilt your head back a bit." " I wash onry avin un! " River countered, bloody lip in hand. "Only having fun? I see where that got you! Having fun now?" Clara was irked. " No. " "Hold that there and stay still." Clara picked up a soggy blue and yellow baby blanket.  
" Really Missy? And you think my teddy is odd! " Clara would never understand Time Lords.

"I'll take care of your blanket." Clara said, taking a packet of soap from her things. Filling the sink with hot soapy water , she washed the blanket like it was her own. Hanging it to dry. "I didn't realize you still had your baby blanket." Clara said. "Oh, yes! All Time Lords keep their baby blankets with them. If course, not all sleep with them. It just keeps it safe as far as I'm concerned. And as River well knows, a Time Lord's sleeping space is very personal." Missy was right, no self respecting Gallifreyan would ever let just anyone in their personal sleeping spot. A mate or child yes, but a stranger or even good friend was almost never allowed. Even brothers and sisters found it awkward entering the sleeping chambers of each other. And if they shared a room a curtain was hung between them. Sleeping was an intimate act, looked upon almost as sacred.

"Now that the bleeding had stopped, are your teeth intact?" Clara asked River. All were perfectly fine. "Good! Now Missy, you don't have a broken nose, and the bleeding stopped, so I would say you'll live. River apologize for entering Missy's space and taking her blanket." " I apologize. " "Good! Now Missy, your blanket should be dry by bedtime. And River read a book, write in your journal, escape, do anything, but please, leave Missy and I alone!" Clara was sick of playing mother to to women who were so much older than her. The fact that they themselves had been parents wasn't lost on Clara. She found it quite funny. She couldn't imagine River changing diapers or Missy rocking a baby. They must have. But they didn't now. They both had to be grandmothers several times over. Clara wondered how many kids they had, but she didn't dare ask. It would only make River to silent and Missy get a far off look in her eyes.

Later, once everything was quiet and Missy and River were occupied, Clara took the time to read a book. This was nice, no noise, a quiet place to read. A little too quiet. Missy and River had both fallen asleep. "Alright! You two scared the daylights out of me today, I guess that deserves a nap."


	3. VIP: very ill person

Clara was sick. Very sick. And spending her night over the toilet was nothing but horror. Add in the fighting Missy and River were doing and Clara wanted to die. If only she had the energy to die. "Shut up!" She croaked before passing out. River and Missy tucked her in bed and remained quiet. Since fixing her blanket, Missy has a new respect for the new inmate. River knew what her spouse would do if she so much as hurt a hair on her head. But both were starting to actually like Clara. She didn't get in fights with them or make a pest of herself.

"River, look. Clara's shivering." Missy pointed out. "Oh, the poor thing! She's burning up. Missy, help me get her down to my bed." If Clara had been conscious she would have thanked the ladies. As it was, she had no idea what was happening and could only moan.  
" Get me a wet cloth please. " River said. With a cool cloth and easier access River was hopeful they could pull Clara through.

Being a Time Lord had perks. Missy didn't need to sleep as often as River and was able to care for Clara while River slept. This went against everything she knew, but it was necessary. Missy understood necessary. She didn't fully understand human beings and their immune systems, and had no clue why River was suddenly so worried when the thermometer read '103.5°f.' "Because if she gets too hot she'll die. Her body is fighting an infection of some kind." Missy understood what an infection was, she had one of two as a child. They were awful! Her mother had kept her in bed and didn't let her play with the other boys. The Doctor had visited and spent time reading to her. She actually felt bad for the young time traveler. Clara's fever broke and River took to mothering her. When Donna sent video of River feeding Clara and caring for her to the Doctor and Amy, neither could hold back the smiles. When she sent video of Missy doing the same they laughed until they cried. Giving Clara antibiotics and rest and lots of TLC, it was no wonder it took almost no time for her to feel better. "I can feed myself." Clara said weakly, trying to lift her arm. "No, you can't. Let me feed you." River and in a tone she hadn't used in years. Clara acquiesced, she didn't have the strength to fight. Missy tried to help Clara, but she was rather awkward at it. "No, you can't jam the spoon in her mouth!" River admonished. " Like this. " She showed Missy how to give medication. Clara grew stronger and was soon back to her self. Somehow Missy became very protective of her and almost didn't let her out of her sight. "Missy, can I please take a shower without you? I don't need an audience." Clara complained. "You stay here, Missy." Donna said, not allowing anyone besides Clara out of the cell. " Are you warm enough? " Missy asked when they went outside. "Missy, I have on three sweaters and a coat and scarf. I'm too warm!" Clara complained. River got her down to one sweater and a coat. "Don't go too far!" Missy called. " Missy, Missy, Missy! You have become the most maternal and infernal person I have ever met! Let her go, she'll be alright. " River said. And of course, River was right.


	4. Just an (un)average  fight

Clara felt like a mother with two toddlers in need of naps. River and Missy fought all day every day and it was getting on her nerves. "Missy! You messed up my bed!" River said one morning. " I just made it perfectly and you destroyed it! " "So? You are always fussing about something, I just gave you a new task. Remaking your bed should only take fifteen minutes. Or until your breakfast is cold." "Breakfast is always cold! Why would it be any other way today?" Clara had enough! " Alright you two! It's not even breakfast time and you are fighting. River, remake your bed. Missy, apologize! Now! "

"Missy! That was my breakfast!" River whined when she was tripped and cereal went everywhere. "Not anymore it isn't." Missy chuckled. Clara placed her bowl down and helped River clean up. This wasn't a smooth cleaning, as River made sure to spill milk all over Missy's head. " I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT! " Missy shouted. "River! Missy! Please! You are grown adults and should be acting like it." Clara admonished. Both glared at each other and were about to start a fight when Clara came between them. "No! We don't need any bloodshed today, thank you." Clara knew she was taking her life in her hands by doing so, but this just had to be done. Finally she got back to her soggy cereal.

"You are the worst person I have ever met!" Missy shoved River who shoved her right back. This started the worst fight Clara had ever seen. By the time three guards and four tazers broke them up the floor was covered in blood and both women needed medical attention. "You broke my arm!" River growled. Missy glared. Her jaw was wired shut and two teeth were missing. A nightmare for a Time Lord. All Time Lords were taught to take great pride in their teeth and losing two was a huge blow. River knew this and made sure Missy was going to need a new set. Missy however was very positive she not only broke River's arm, but also her collar bone and nose. She even managed to bruise a kidney.

Missy also knew they would not be fighting for a while. In addition to her broken jaw, and missing teeth, Missy had a skull fracture, a broken leg and three broken fingers. Clara was not happy with her cellmates. She had missed breakfast and been woken up too early by their fighting. Cleaning up blood had been the icing on the cake. No more playing nice. Fights were usual, that was to be expected. But 'knock - down - drag -out -kill - you -because -I -can' fights were not.

"Listen you two! I've had enough with your fighting and I want it to stop and stop now!  
I don't like cleaning up blood or being body checked by guards so they can get to you. You two are way too old to be fighting like this, you aren't children. If you want to bicker that's fine with me. Just don't wake me, or make me miss my breakfast, or involve me in any way. I think you find fighting a fun thing. I think you both secretly like bickering and tormenting each other. I think you find it fun. Well I don't! I have to live here too and you both will be here long after I die. So you can learn to behave or I'll make your lives   
even more miserable than they already are!"

Both inmates were astonished! They never even thought about how Clara felt. They never considered that she had an opinion about their fighting. Missy looked sad and River took on a slightly contrite appearance. "We didn't realize. We're sorry." River said. Knowing Missy couldn't talk, the look on her face took the form of an apology. "Good! Now I don't care if you like each other, you can hate each other for all I care. But please, please, remember I live here too and I want to get along with the both of you."

River helped Missy get around and Missy made sure to look appreciative of her. Missy helped River make her bed until the arm healed. With things going smoothly, Clara was able to relax and have a good night. Her cereal wasn't soggy, and she wasn't cleaning up blood. Once the recovery process was complete, Missy and River went back to bickering, but they respected Clara and her wishes. Missy even took a shine to helping Clara tidy the cell. 

Going to bed one night, Clara realized it had been a while since she had seen a fight. She knew one was coming, but for the moment all was well.


	5. Missy's problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone help Missy with her problem?

"You can't be serious!" River said, laughing at her cellmate. " You can't eat? I've seen you eat, I saw you have supper last night. " "No dear, you didn't. You saw me with food but you never saw me eat it." Missy corrected. Thinking back, River saw that it was true. Missy hadn't taken so much as a mouthful of food. "You must be famished." Clara was surprised to hear herself say. " I haven't eaten in over a week. " Missy admitted. Hearing this, Donna called a dentist. She wasn't losing a prisoner, not on her watch! "You have some very messed up teeth." The man said, as he looked at the x-rays of Missy's teeth. Seeing that Time Lords were very sensitive about oral health and Missy was ( for once) no exception, Donna made double sure Missy had been secured. This was a complex process and involved multiple guards and four types of restraints. Missy took offense to the small man in the white coat. He wasn't a Time Lord and he didn't know how well she cared for each tooth. As a little boy every last one of them had a name and personality. Each individual tooth was special to her. Missy was angry about having teeth pulled, but she wasn't about to give up without a fight. "My teeth are fine! They don't need to come out!" She snapped at the dentist. " No, but you'll get a worse infection and it may spread. Do you want me to take the two infected teeth now or your jaw later? " Well, when he put it like that the decision was simple. At least, it was to everyone that wasn't Missy. Clara was called to bring reason to Missy, who seemed to be reasonably blind. (That's a pun) "You know, people who let the dentist remove their teeth get ice cream for supper?" That did it! Time Lords may have a thing about their teeth, but they also happen to be crazy for sweets. Especially if it's ice cream. Once they had a taste it was very hard to get one to eat anything else. "You mean if I let you take my tooth I can have ice cream?" MISSY was sceptical. " Yes! For three days. " "You could have started with that! Go ahead! Take what you need... Take what you don't need. I don't care as long as I get ice cream." Missy was torn. It was taco night and she was having ice cream for supper. While she loved ice cream, she adored tacos. "You may have tacos next week. This week, ice cream." Clara said. " You are lucky! Only those who had surgery are allowed to eat that. " River reminded. "And you don't have to eat any ice cream, you get chocolate!" River was upset at not having the frosty treat herself, but if it got her back to bickering and fighting with Missy, it was worth it.


	6. A crash course in River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara can't figure River out. But finding what makes her tick may be a little complex and even make Clara wish she never found out.

Sure Clara had interesting cell mates, Missy and River were mile -a -minute chaos. Missy was insane. That was apparent to anyone who so much as said 'hello.' Missy also had charm, but Clara was on top of it. When she found Clara was not afraid and had no intention of ever putting herself in a vulnerable position, Missy backed off. 

But River was another story.Insane? Clara was unsure. Some days River was the most rational person in the world, and others she acted like she should be in a rubber room. Maybe she was a touch insane? Like the morning Clara said: "I hope you slept well." Only to get a " Three purple trees were talking to each other about quantum physics! Really it was quite a fascinating place. I wish you could have seen it! " Clara didn't know if there were any such things as trees that talked about complex matters. Frankly, she didn't care if they were purple, orange, yellow, or blue! They would make a conversation topic at breakfast, but not when leaving the shower. Maybe River was certifiable.

Or maybe she was a genius! "I wish we were let outside more. It would benefit us greatly. More sunshine and fresh air, the happier and healthier we would be!" She said one day. She wasn't wrong! River had a love for nature and it was quite a fascinating thing to see. Clara smiled and looked outside. "River, it's cold and rainy. If we went outside now we would be very sorry!" She shook her head, glad for the meager warmth their little cell provided. At least she couldn't be forced out in this weather! BOY, was she wrong! In under fifteen minutes River had set off the fire alarm and the next thing Clara knew they were outside in the cold wet rain. When the building evacuated it did it to the fullest. Every inmate and many guards just trying to control the chaos were all soaked and shivering. "What did you have to go and do a fool thing like THAT for, Song?" A guard asked, rather peevishly. "I wanted to be outside. Is there any way I would have been allowed out of I just asked?" The man thought for a moment, "You're right. But now that we are out here, I think you aught to know that punishing you is the only thing on everyone's mind." Clara was slightly unsure. She moved closer to Missy. At least crazy and in good standing with everyone was better than being associated with someone the others wanted dead. All three were confined to their beds for the duration of the subsequent bouts of pneumonia. "River, so help me you are getting thrown to the wolves once we get better! I'll let the Doctor know so you can be ignored even harder by him. Or is it her? I'll make sure they know how little you really care about his best friend and his companion." Missy wheezed before passing out. Clara just slept, she was miserable and sleep helped. The relaxation didn't last long, the Doctor showed up and things went from had to worse. "MELODY POND! HOW DARE YOU RISK ALL THESE LIVES FOR FUN!" The Doctor shouted. Apparently River was unfazed because she just said "Sweetie, all three of us are sick! Can you calm down and maybe we can talk about it later?" " I'm so sorry! I should have asked when you wanted to make an entire prison sick! " The Doctor said sarcastically. "You should see the poor creatures that you have placed in predicaments. Some are unable to get wet without being hurt and you had them in the pouring rain for over an hour! A few inmates can't breathe oxygen and have been placed in special rooms. Some can't handle cold and now are having a hard time warming up! Even those poor little creatures that live in darkness were affected by you. I may not like their actions but I don't go around torturing things for fun! No matter how dangerous. You are going into quarantine and staying there for a while! I'll make sure you can't leave! And I won't even visit you. Before I go, Clara, Missy, I have some pictures. Missy's mother gave them to me. Enjoy!" The Doctor left, River was taken, and a now very awake Missy and Clara looked at pictures. " Oh, no! Not baby pictures! " Missy cried. Her mother had given the Doctor her baby pictures! This would end badly. But Clara found herself laughing. Looking at a picture marked "our little boy" where the Master was in a cradle, holding a rattle and wrapped in the blanket she kept on her bed. "So Time tots look like human babies then. You were cute!" "Thank you." Missy hadn't seen these pictures. She was never very fond of looking at baby pictures, even if they were of her. In the next one a smiling little cherub was surrounded by blocks and other toys. He must have been about one. Clara figured. Looking at the back, Clara read that it was a first birthday. "You must have been fun at that age." " Oh, yes! My father always told me I was the most fun child he ever had. I think he might have been joking. But the Doctor thought I was fun. " The next picture made Clara chuckle and Missy almost did of embarrassment. "Why did she include these? I should have her killed!" Missy stated. "Oh, you are adorable." Clara said, reading the caption. "The cutest Time Lord tushie." Missy cringed. The following one was even worse! A black haired toddler sitting on the potty chair grinning from ear to ear. 'I'm a big boy!' Her mother captioned it. At least she was sitting down for this one. But the shade of crimson Missy turned when she saw one of her using the plant in the corner of the room as a toilet with the caption 'boys will be boys'. The next picture she had decided to try peeing in the big toilet. "Just like daddy' her mother wrote. The next picture made Missy almost sane . There she was, in her little pajamas with her blanket all ready for bed. "First night in big boy bed!" Her mother wrote. The little guy was so proud of that bed he had picked out on his own. And the very last one was of her and the Doctor on the first day of school. It pained her to see how happy they had been. How unassuming and carefree. She went back to her bed, suddenly fatigued. "Missy? What makes River tick?" Clara Asked. " Dear, if I knew that I would tell you. I don't think her own family knows. Maybe the Doctor does, but she won't say anything. Stop analyzing and looking for answers you'll regret. Just be content watching River be River. Now, let me be me and go to sleep! " Clara might not know what made River tick, but then, she wanted to get this sickness over with. Maybe Missy was right. Clara drifted off. -


	7. Clara's escape attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Violence ahead! Turn back now!

Clara looked at her hands and cried. They hurt so much it was unbearable. She only got half way up the fence before six big guards pulled her down. Then they decided to punish here severely. The ruler hurt like nothing she had ever experienced before. Sharp and biting, she found out just how much it hurt.


	8. Mommy River?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara wonders what it would be like to have River as a mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the eldest of a large family. (Yes, my brothers and sisters are all still very much alive and well.) I wanted to give the Doctor and River a huge family because it seems like the thing they would do. The more chaos in their lives the better.

"Your hands are looking better. They'll heal nicely." River said, gently rubbing salve into the wounds. " You had 27 children? " Clara asked as River helped her eat. "Well... 28 actually, but Clarence was only four and had no energy to regenerate. Time Lord regeneration doesn't really start to manifest itself until adulthood. But the infant mortality rates are extremely low. Poor little one. He got sick and it was so sudden. My little man!" River said, trying not to cry.

Clara felt sorry for bringing up a sore subject but River said "I had 27 others. And in case you are wondering, yes, it was chaos most of the time. But I loved it, and the Doctor did too. Oh, the games we played, we had baseball games in the TARDIS. You know there is a full diamond and basketball court. Even a football field. Both kinds. The TARDIS even has a playground and a school room. Those were the days! I took all my kids to work, taught them about archeology. Five of them are archeologists. They all chose different time periods, some even different planets. Six are back on Gallifrey as senators. Eight are homemakers. Three travel like their father. And the last five are teaching at Luna University. Most are married and even have grand children. And one great grandchild! Oh, I can't wait to see her!" 

River sure lit up when talking about her family. She had massive amounts of pictures and apparently loved showing them off. "You got yourself into this mess, and dragged me with you!" Missy complained as she helped Clara brush her hair. "That hurts!" She yelped as Missy tugged the comb through roughly. " You should have asked River to help you if you want gentle. " "Didn't you ever have kids?" Missy paused. Oh, Missy had kids alright. If her wife had had her way they would have had more than the six they got. " My wife wanted the whole planet to be populated by my family. I swear, I only wanted one or two. May three... But we got six! Time Lords are very fertile. I had four boys and two girls. I miss the tea parties and bedtime stories. " "Didn't you ever brush their hair?" Missy thought about it for a moment and said "I don't think so." But that was a lie, she loved brushing their hair every night at bedtime. Truth be told, she missed them. Not that she would tell Clara that. "River, I know Freddy and Len sent you pictures of their families. I got the same ones!" The Doctor said. " But did you see the new baby? Molly and Dex named her 'Melody'. " "Yes, I am thrilled to have a great great grandchild. Now to explain the changes I recently went through. Do you think they'll call me mum?" River slapped the Doctor. "Sweetie, they will call you what they always have." " And what is that? " "The madman who can't fly this thing right!" The Doctor looked hurt. That's what the kids called her behind her back? Well, it's better than some names she could think of. At least they didn't call her 'That Scoundrel' she hated that name. "And don't forget the blanket!" River said grabbing a pink and yellow baby quilt. " I'll be back soon! Off to see the new baby! " And with that, she and the Doctor were gone. "When she gets back we're going to be forced to look at pictures, aren't we?" Clara asked. " Well, you said it! I hope you're happy! " Missy replied.


	9. Blizzard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A huge storm traps everyone inside the prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading westerns! Zane Grey and Louis L'Amour are amazing. Check them out at your local library.

Clara woke up shivering. It was very late and very cold. How was it this cold? She climbed down and went to ask the guard about it. But she couldn't see a guard, or much else. She decided that her only option was River. She didn't even have to say anything because the second she neared the bed River said "Come on, you need heat." She didn't need to be told twice and soon Clara and River were back asleep. River liked the warmth and Clara liked the security. Missy wasn't usually cold. She was a Time Lord and Time Lords didn't feel the cold as keenly as humans did. But this was not just a few degrees of chill, this was well below freezing and Missy was cold! She tried to sleep, but it wasn't going to happen. Ignoring the weather was impossible. It was like ignoring a horrible migraine. Impossible. So she did the only thing she could think of. She shivered in silence. Guessing what was happening, River said "Join us, there's always room in this weather!" But before Missy could say anything Donna said " I have a small heater. We can all stay warm and toasty. " And once she got the heater running, all three inmates did as directed. "Bring your mattresses to the floor and push them together. Right up against the bars." Donna said. Soon everyone was warming up. " It's still night. Well... It's only one thirty. Go back to sleep. " Donna said.

By morning the water was turned off and a bucket left near the sink. "Why is there a bucket of water?" Clara asked, looking at the ceiling to make sure there was no leak. "Washing. Use the so you can wash your hands and brush your teeth." Donna said. Showering was equally bad. " You are going to pour water over my head? " Missy was incensed. "That's the idea." Donna said. " I don't like this any more than you do. Just do as I say and we can get this over with quickly. " Clara was all too aware of how cold the water was. By the time she was in a clean uniform and back in the cell she was afraid she would be sick. 

"Breakfast is... I have hot coffee for you. And plenty of bread and butter." Donna said. On very cold mornings they usually had oatmeal, but not today. Today they had bread and butter and coffee with powdered creamer. The coffee was instant, no electricity no coffee maker. Once all three had been fed some activity was in order. "Clara, you got a book from the library, what is it about?" " I haven't started it yet. It's about the American west. The author is named "Zane Grey." I think it has lots of shootouts and cowboys. " River had a twinkle in her eye. Shoot out? Sign her up. Missy was just up for anything with killing or shooting or people doing something that wasn't sitting in a cell.

Clara and Donna took turns reading, River went off script and added fights that didn't exist. Missy was known to rip pages from books just because she could. This left reading to those with a modicum of responsibility. But it was agreed that reading like this made the time go faster. Before they knew what happened it was lunch and they were half way through the book. "I like this book. It think I'll get another on my library day." Clara said, between bites of what might have been a ham sandwich at one point. The cold made it more like it had just come from the freezer. But Donna made them coffee again, not that it was anything special, but it did warm the inmates. By bedtime the book had been completed. "That was a good story!" River said. She thought the whole genre was terrific! Shooting, drinking, outlaws, lawmen. Her aim was to read every western she could. It sounded better than fighting Missy, and as far as Donna was concerned, as long as she didn't act anything out or start talking oddly, life was good. But books didn't keep a person warm and heat was not forthcoming. The small heater Donna had was out of kerosene and everyone was cold. The snow just poured down like it was cement. Putting all three to bed usually was an ordeal. Clara was easy, all Donna did was say the word and Clara was in bed. Missy gave a fight and River tried to escape. "Alright! Bedtime! And I mean it." Surprisingly, all three obeyed at record speed. Around three in the morning the heat and electricity came back on. The night guard was happy! She almost forgot where she was and forgot to look in on her charges. Huddled together, all three were sound asleep. Maybe they'll figure it out on their own that the heat was back. Right now they were as good as gold.


	10. A sick River

River woke feeling horrible, she couldn't breathe, her joints ached, and she wanted to die.  
Of course, she wasn't going to die, she just had a nasty flu. But River was no ordinary sick person. Oh, No! River was cell mates with Missy, who loved to see her suffer. Even better, Missy loved making sure every single moment was torture. 

"I bet you're faking it!" Missy goaded. River didn't have enough energy to pick a fight. Clara and Donna were surprised. River was always up for a fight. Clara almost dropped her toothbrush and Donna just about threw her pen. Oh, River HAD to be sick if Missy couldn't get a rise out of her. Donna got her thermometer and entered the cell. River was burning up! "River Song! You could fry an egg on your forehead!" " Can I try? I wanna fry an egg on River's  
head! " Missy said. "Missy! Please finish making your bed and stop trying to annoy poor River!" Donna admonished.

"It's library day." Donna said as she placed everything away. " Missy has been granted a trial period. If she can get a book and keep it nice, that means no ripping pages or writing things in the book, or drawing pictures. Those poor creatures who took out your last book were very upset and had to be told about human anatomy! You get one chance then you lose your privilege forever! River, do you want a book? " Donna asked. "Little House on the Prairie?" She choked out. Now Donna knew she was really sick! River NEVER asked for books like that!  
" Alright, get some rest. We'll be back shortly. " Donna replied. River took a nap and stayed asleep while they were gone. But the moment the cell door opened Missy made sure to wake her up! "Missy! Go to your bunk and be quiet! I'll make you very sorry if you disturb River again." Donna said. By the look on her face Missy knew she meant what she said. Clara tucked River in and added her own extra blanket just to keep her warm. " Go back to sleep now. " She said as River's eyes closed. All was too quiet and Donna suspected Missy was up to something. A little while later her suspicions were confirmed. River gave a cry and Donna grabbed the first aid kit. If Missy did anything to hurt River Donna would make sure she never recovered. With no blood visible and River still very much alive Donna gave a sigh of relief. But her relief didn't last long. Missy had pulled one of the oldest tricks in the book. She had placed a sleeping River's hand in warm water. Poor River was in tears, but too sick to fight. "Aww, did you have an accident?" Missy teased. "Did mummy give you big girl pants too soon?" Clara was fed up with Missy. She knew what being sick was like and she knew what being sick and incarcerated was like. She was livid. Walking over to her target, Clara swung and connected with Missy's jaw with a sickening crunch. Her other fist followed the first and she took out Missy's nose. Before she got a third blow in, Donna had a set of cuffs on her and had called for back up. Donna calmed River, got her in a hot shower and changed the sheets. She had left Missy to the medical team and Clara was put in solitary. When Donna finished making sure River was back in bed and Missy was no longer bleeding, she went to see her. "Inmate! What did you think you were doing taking out Missy like that?" Donna wanted to praise Clara for doing the very thing everyone else wanted to do but couldn't . She would have knocked a few years off her sentence or given her a medal if she could. But assault was forbidden. Clara had broken the rules and needed to be punished. "Missy got on my last nerve. She has been going at River all day and I was sick of it!" " I see. One week solitary and if Missy does anything to retaliate you deal with it! " Clara conceded. That was very generous. Really, she should be given more time but Donna was doing her best to not punch Missy out. Once Clara got back, she just had to laugh. River had recovered from the flu, but Missy had a wired jaw, splinter nose, and the same flu. But nobody felt bad for her or offered to get her book from the library. River let her be, being sick was bad but not being able to eat on top of it was worse. "Missy, want some of my chicken?" She taunted. "River!" Donna said, but a River cannot change it's course and River couldn't change her nature.


	11. Clara in trouble

Clara was usually a docile obedient prisoner, but lately she was in trouble more often than not. Donna was concerned, this wasn't like Clara at all. She tried to hurt River, who was faster and stronger and managed to subdue the girl. She had hurt Missy, sending her for six stitches in the head. Donna took Clara aside and asked "are you okay? You aren't yourself lately." Clara replied " I'm fine! Leave me alone or I'll hurt you! " Donna was surprised, she had been threatened by Missy plenty and a few times by River but never by Clara. She wasn't taking any chances and before Clara knew what was happening, she was in a straight jacket. 

"You won't be getting any sympathy from me." Missy said as she held an ice pack to her head.  
" You know they have to remove this thing eventually. I'll finish you then. " River was concerned now. She knew how Clara usually acted and this was not it. Worried at what she might do, River kept an extra eye out for Clara. And her instincts were right. Because the next time they were in the yard a fight was started and Clara was the instigator. "What do you think you're doing picking a fight with her?" River gave Clara a hard shake and started lecturing. " She is easily twice your size and nastier than Missy and I combined! " Donna had enough of this and let River take over. "You are not leaving this cell until you can act like yourself again!" River wanted to take Clara over her knee, but that wouldn't have done any good. So forcing her to lose privileges was the only option. "No yard, no library, no anything outside of being on your bed thinking about your actions." Boy, when River went into mom mode she really went all the way.

"I hate you!" Clara said as she tried to take down River for the third time. Knowing this would happen again but wishing it wouldn't , River just took it in stride and blocked Clara. "What is wrong with you?" She asked for the fifth time that week. Clara blinked, "I don't know." She said. River was surprised , an answer she could use! "Alright, so you don't know. But stop taking it out on everyone else, we have feelings too." Clara just looked stunned. What was wrong with her? She wondered. " Donna? " "Yes." " I think I need... " She couldn't finish the sentence. "I think so too." Donna replied.

A few days in solitary gave Clara time to think. And she had no answer for her actions. But hurting her friends was no way to live. She was at a crossroads.  
Stay like she was and find herself in and out of solitary, lose her friends, and become familiar with the straight jacket. Or, somehow change. 

Change isn't easy. But it was necessary for Clara. Before her had attitude became a habit, she needed to find her problem and deal with it. SO, what was the problem? "I don't know!" She shouted to the empty cell. " Really? I think you do. " A voice said. "Who's there?" " Your conscience. And you know very well exactly who you are angry with. " If she really thought and really spent time wanting to figure it out, the answer would be "I'm angry with myself." Clara said .

Once she was able to admit to being angry with herself it was easier to treat her friends better. No more hurting Missy and River, no talking back to Donna.   
"I see your break has improved your attitude." Donna said one morning. " Yes. Thank you. " Replied Clara. A new outlook presented itself. NO, life was never going to be wonderful. No, she would never be allowed to leave the prison, and no, she couldn't get rid of Missy. But that was alright. Well... Missy didn't have such a good outlook on life. And... That's another chapter.


	12. Missy acts strange

"Clara, please remember to wear a hat outside, it's cold." Missy said one day as they headed to the yard. Clara and River stopped and stared. What was wrong with Missy? She never cared about anyone else, so she must have just misspoke. But when they heard her say "River, don't forget your scarf." It made them decide that maybe staying inside and finding a doctor would be preferable. "Oh no you don't!" Donna said , "You have been inside long enough! It's time you spent a little while in the fresh air." And they were shoved outside without ceremony.

"Don't stray too far." Missy called after Clara. " How can I possibly stray anywhere? We are fenced in on all sides and can't even see the sky! " Clara thought. "Missy, I think you're sick. Are you feeling alright?" River asked. " Of course I feel fine dear. Now let's keep the children together, we don't want to lose any. " "Missy, you are definitely not alright. This isn't Gallifrey and we aren't a school group." " Please, honey, make sure to have my best clothes ready for tomorrow. " "I AM NOT YOUR WIFE!" River stormed off. 

" Donna, she's hallucinating. Please call the doctor. Or animal control, or spouse control. I can't stand her. " River pleaded. "All right! The Doctor it is! I don't know why you want to see her so badly." " Not her you idiot! A medical doctor! " "Refer to me like that again and you will be the one needing a doctor." Donna had no time for disrespectful attitudes. "I think you had better call the Doctor." Was all the medical professional said. And in a few moments a big blue box appeared. "Sweetie! I am so glad to see you!" River gave her very surprised wife the biggest kiss. " Please, make her stop! I don't know what she has but it's not something I want. " One Time Lord exam later, and Missy had a course of antibiotics. "Gallifreyan hallucinogenic disease. A particular nasty strain if you ask me. She'll feel better in a few days. One teaspoon every four hours. Once the medicine is gone she is done. Don't worry, you have no chance of catching it. Well, River might. But that shouldn't happen if you wash your hands and steer clear of Missy for the next week." The Doctor explained to them. "Now Missy, stay in bed, take your medicine, and be a good girl for Donna." The Doctor was off to who knew where.


	13. A Miserable Life

"I'm sorry, no outside time today. It's raining cats and dogs." Donna hated disappointing her inmates but the weather was impossible. Nobody seemed to care until it hit Missy "That means we won't be allowed outside for a whole three weeks!" She cried. Not many things made Missy as upset as missing out on something. Particularly if that something had to do with being outside the cell. "Missy, I cannot make the weather nice. You'll just have to do without." Donna clarified, just so Missy understood how little she could control things. " Find something to do! "

Of course it isn't easy to keep occupied when you have almost nothing to do. Missy didn't want to read or journal or play a game. She wanted to go outside! But she couldn't. So, she picked on Clara. "Do you really think your father reads those letters you send him? He must be so embarrassed of you." She started. "He writes back. Which is more than I can say for your family." Clara retorted. That stung, but not enough to make Missy give up. She kept on taunting and teasing until Clara said "Go pick on River." That was no fun! All River said was "Go away before I punch you and make it count." Missy was back to bored.

A steady drip sent water into their cell. For hours water came in and nobody was the wiser. River went to get a drink and found herself in a puddle up to her ankles. " DONNA! " She yelled.  
Having already noticed the problem, Donna was busy moving things off the floor. A call came for evacuation. By the time the four of them made their way to safety, the room was full of water. "This is a bad storm." Missy said. " You can say that again! " River replied. "Get inside before you both catch your deaths of pneumonia." Donna exclaimed. 

The emergency cell was awful. No beds or even bedding. The plumbing was just basic with no hot water and no place for anything. "Where are my inmates supposed to sleep?" Donna asked the warden who had come to make sure all was well. "The cell isn't equipped for living! Someone needs to at least get me three blankets and pillows!" Donna wasn't kidding and the warden understood. "Look, I only have so many things for so many people. You and your inmates can live without until I find extras." " What about emergency supplies? You have got to have some blankets there. " "All supplies are reserved for inmates in other areas." " So you're telling me my inmates are supposed to freeze to death because they are less important? " Donna was angry. "In a word, yes!" The warden was out of his mind if he thought she would let those three suffer.

Finally, as a last resort , Donna called the Doctor. Hearing the news, the Doctor almost took a turn, but she remembered who she was dealing with and brought enough warm things for the three of them. The TARDIS wasn't going to see her child suffer just because someone else felt it was alright. Her indignation was such that it took the Doctor several minutes to get her to move. Once everyone was settled in an older part of the prison Donna brought food. "Supper!" She said, handing out what might have been food at one time. It wasn't the worst thing any of them had eaten, but it wasn't very far from being the worst. After they ate, River went directly to bed. "This day word me out." She said. An true , it felt like ages since they had woken up. But it wasn't even eight. Deciding to follow River's lead, Clara went to bed also. Missy stayed up until Donna told her to go to bed. The morning would bring plenty of horrible things. The first bit of bad news was that there would be no showers or running water. "How are we supposed to brush our teeth" Missy asked. "Bottled water." Donna answered. " But you need to make that water last. You get one bottle to clean with and one bottle for drinking. That is it! " Missy wasn't happy, but then again, neither was anyone else. Breakfast was not even served and they were lucky to get anything for lunch. Missy wasn't a happy person on this day. River and Clara tried to make the best of it, but kept on running into problems. Donna had no way to fix any problems except to say that she was sorry and that she was doing the best she could. Nobody was happy, not even the warden. And the warden was almost always happy. In time, acceptance helped them get through. "I guess if we can't do anything to make things better, the least we could do is keep them from getting worse." Clara said. She didn't know why she suddenly wanted to help but she did. " Missy, please remember there are several areas of this prison that must be kept dry and warm for the sake of the inhabitants. We are lucky we don't need such care. The poor Grolex! It can't get wet at all! Just a few drops is like acid to them. And that Plonix! It can't survive in the cold and it has an egg to look after as well! " "Are you really sure we have a Plonix? I've never seen one up close. Is it's feathery fine fur as soft as they say?" River was a bit excited. Seeing this and knowing what would happen, Donna squashed any idea River might have had brewing. " NO! It isn't in a zoo! And besides, it's nesting. A nesting mother isn't to me messed with. It's only here until the baby is big enough for the both of them to go to a sanctuary planet. It's done nothing wrong. And you know how much heat they need. Leave it and it's offspring alone! The Grolex can't afford to get wet and you complain about a little water! That is water, right? " River was incensed by the implication. "Of course it's water! I don't wet myself! Well... When I'm not being captured by Daleks. That makes everyone wet themselves." Everyone agreed on that. "How about a cup of cocoa? " Donna asked. The offer of chocolate in drinkable form made them all feel happier. "A little bit of cocoa and a pinch of sleepy tea." Donna said to herself. Those three would be asleep before they knew it. And in a few weeks, when the cells were all clean , they would move back.


	14. River takes charge

It was early spring and River noticed a few things. The first was that the paint was flaking off the bars. That wasn't good. The second thing was that the window was rather dirty. No matter how small it might be, the window let in light. And River enjoyed watching the birds. The third thing she saw was dingy walls and bedding in need of a good wash. The whole place needed a good clean, and River would make her cell mates help if it killed them!

"Donna, may I please have cleaning supplies?" She asked. "Suddenly interested in cleaning? Planning a clean getaway?" Donna laughed at her joke. " Oh, that's so funny! No, I want to clean the cell. And my good friends Missy and Clara want to help. " This caused some raised eyebrows from the other two. Suddenly they were her 'good friends'? They didn't really care about scrubbing their living quarters. But with River at the helm, they had no excuse not to.

"I think that's a great idea, River!" Donna replied. " I'll be right back with those supplies. " Missy and Clara looked like they could kill River. "What have you gotten us into now?" Missy asked. " Spring cleaning! And if you know what's good for you, you'll help! " Clara really didn't mind, she was up for any activity she could get. "Alright, here is the vinegar and the mop and bucket. Paper towels and scrub brushes." Donna said, handing the items over. " Missy, please strip the beds, we need clean bed clothes. " River directed. "Clara, please start on the window! Sunlight is always needed." 

River had them scrubbing and dusting, washing and rinsing. " The sheets and blankets are dry. Can we make the beds now? " Missy asked. "Sure. Just remember hospital corners." River said as she scrubbed the sink until it gleamed. Clara finished the walls and soon the whole place looked nice.   
"Donna, can we paint the bars?" River asked once the cell and hallway sparkled. " I'll ask. But I'm sure if you want to paint them the warden will allow it. " And the warden did. "First you must remove the lose paint." Donna explained, " then you paint... You know, the walls could use a coat as well. And so could the floor after the floor we had. " Clara and Missy started plotting the death of River Song. They didn't sign up to paint! They didn't want any of this! But, they did have to admit that the sheets were nicer when they were clean. Between the flooding and the moving around it had been a while since they washed the sheets and blankets. So having them all nice and fresh was good.

"Start on the bars, then the walls, then the floor." Donna said. It took around two days to prep and another day to just paint the bars. The walls and floor were a pain and Clara was really thinking about killing River. But, she didn't want the Doctor to get that angry with her. So she kept working. Soon the place looked good as new, and River took all the credit.

"She knows we can kill her any time, right?" Missy said. " Yes. And she knows we can get her into trouble whenever we want. " Clara replied.


	15. A very horrible realization

Every evening was the same, supper, free time, bed by nine. Clara liked routine, but not this one. She could do with a little diverge from it. When the lights were out and the cell was dimly lit, Clara thought about her life. "I had a good life. I think, but I always wanted much more." The tears slipped down into the sheets as she thought about What she wanted to do. She had wanted to marry, start a family, teach, set up a home. Now her love was dead and she was incarcerated for life. Whatever you might call what she has now it certainly wasn't a life. She existed in prison. 

Clara thought she was quiet. But soon someone was handing her a tissue and coaxing her out of bed. River. Understanding that her friend just wanted to be helpful, Clara moved to sit on the lower bed. "It's alright, darling. I know you must feel alone." She said. " My life! I've ruined my life! I'll never have what I wanted. No husband, no children, no job, nothing! " River felt for her, she couldn't bring back Danny, or make Clara's future bright again. Nobody could do that. But every instinct was telling her to care for her friend. Usually River paid no attention to her feelings unless They were for her own family. Even then, she didn't get too attached. But something about Clara made her comfort her. River let Clara cry, she just held her and let her know all would turn out okay. Clara in turn was grateful. She needed a friend and one was right there. River did something she rarely did, she invited Clara to stay with her. Clara accepted. For all her faults and failures River was great at comforting. It wasn't something she was proud of, but it helped from time to time. And tonight, Clara needed a friend. "Sweetie, it's alright to cry. You can be as upset as you need." She whispered. "I have lost everything! And all for helping someone! Now I'll never have a family or be a mother of wife." " Clara, you did something for someone. Something nobody else would do. You gave them a chance to have a life. You are very brave and very loved. I know you're tired, how about we get some sleep and talk more tomorrow? " Clara snuggled up with River, and fell asleep. River felt her heart breaking for the girl. She would help as best she could, but acceptance was far away. River fell asleep thinking. Maybe she could help her friend. If only Missy was on board.


	16. Missy loses her blanket

It was an average morning, everyone had their showers and changed into clean uniforms. As they made their beds Missy screamed. "MY BLANKET! IT'S MISSING!" Knowing how important that blanket was, River and Clara started the search. It wasn't under the bed. On on the top bunk nobody used. River only had her journal and some hallucinogenic lip stick that was quickly confiscated and a mild "don't do it again" was given. Clara had nothing besides a stuffed dog Ashildr had brought her on her last visit. So where did the blanket go?

"No, Missy, I don't have it. And neither does the night guard." Donna said. " When did you last see it? " "When I went to bed. I know I had it then because I..." Missy was embarrassed. "I told It goodnight." She said. " I want my red blanket back! " She stomped her foot. "Make your bed, maybe it fell." Donna replied. Nothing. Not so much as a red yarn tail. This was unacceptable! If the Time Lords heard of this she would be in more trouble. Losing your baby blanket was almost as bad as killing someone. Missy did the one thing she was taught never to do, she cried. Missy never cried, she knew better. Crying was for the weak willed and infants, not adult Time Lords. But today she didn't care how it made her look, all she wanted was her blanket. The Doctor was consulted, and she looked like someone had shot her best friend. "Missy, I'm so sorry! You must feel awful!" She patted her friend's hand in sympathy. "I don't know where it went. River didn't take it and Clara would never take it. Donna has no use for it, so you know I lost it!" She cried. Soon a guard came in with clean laundry. After a brief talk with Donna, he left her with the clean things. "Missy, I think someone found your blanket. It seems you picked it up with your things for the laundry and..." The look on Donna's face said it all. "You just had to turn our things pink!" River was upset. " Not green. Not brown, pink! And your blanket isn't even red!" Clara didn't think it was so bad, at least she knew her stuff was where it should be. Missy was just too happy to have her blanket back. And River didn't like pink very much. Still, the blanket was found and it was lunch. "Did we ever eat breakfast?" Clara asked as she took a bite of her sandwich. " No. I think we got so caught up in looking for that blanket we just forgot. " River replied. "And you forgot on the worst day too. You missed out on French toast." Donna said . Now French toast was only served every once in a while. Missing French toast day was huge. Suddenly Missy found two pairs of eyes boring down on her. "Hello, how are you today?" Was all she said.


	17. Idiosyncrasies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has things that they do that annoy others.

Clara and River were annoyed. Missy was remaking her bed -again- and making them late for the library -again! "Missy, your bed would get a medal if it was in the army, now come on!" Donna chided. "In a moment, I just have to..." And just as Missy was about to start over for the tenth time Donna said, " You have made your bed plenty for one morning. We are now going to the library and you are joining us. Now! " Missy gave up making her pristine bed and went with the others.

"A little slower Clara and we can start having faster snail races." Missy was thinking about her bed again. " I'm almost done! I'm almost done! I can't choose which one I want. " "What are the choices?" River asked. " Little Women and Tom Sawyer." "Read one already! I have things to do!" Missy was cross. The rules only let them take out one book at a time. This always made Clara indecisive. Today she went with Louisa May Alcott. It was a good story and she had been wanting to read it. "Finally! Lunch and a good book! I can't wait!" Said River.

" River, must you pace? We all had plenty of fresh air today and now you pace the cell! Those ten steps are still the same as the last set! " Clara was annoyed and River was driving her crazy. "Oh, this is annoying is it?" River said. " You know it is! " Missy saw this one coming and just watched. If Clara wanted trouble she could get into it herself. And Clara got more trouble than she bargained for. She launched herself at River and pummeled her. Or at least gave her something to cry about. If River cried, which wasn't often. 

Donna pulled out her taser and said "Give me a reason!" Clara made sure to dodge the probes and River got the full force of the taser. Clara was suddenly grabbed by her shirt collar. "Inmate, you are..." Donna couldn't finish the sentence as Clara had a bloody nose and lip." River got you good! Somehow I think I'll let her handle this. " "This should be fun!" Missy thought, and settled in for a show. River got to her feet, made it over to her bunk and laid down. Clara just stood there, blood dripping down her face. "Clara, you need a tissue! Here!" Donna helped her clean up. " River can do as she pleases. I'm sick of this nit picking you all seem to enjoy. Find a way to get along, would you? " Once the blood was cleaned up and everyone settled down, Donna began a discussion. "You live together, and will continue to do so for the rest of your lives. And with the way you are acting lately those might be very short. But if you die tomorrow or years from now it won't make a difference in who you spend your time with. Every day you will see each other, and every day you will still be the same you doing the same things! Now, work out a plan of cooperation. And I don't want to have any fighting." Clara spoke first " Maybe I can have help picking out a book to read? Another person to help choose would make the time go faster. " "That sounds wonderful." Finally they got somewhere. " And I guess I can pace the hall? If you let me? " River asked. "Sure! And Missy, maybe we could limit it to making the bed only five times?" Donna asked. " If I have to. " "Good! Now get along, please!" Things got smoothed out and Missy had her five remakes before the bed was perfect. River was pacing the hall until Donna said "That really is annoying. How about you do a puzzle?" And Clara didn't have such a hard time getting books. " Which one, River? " She asked. "Wuthering Heights." Donna sat back and relaxed. Her job was good, life was good, and just when she thought all was completely great a fight broke out. " Missy's hogging the puzzle pieces! " River whined. Well... It wasn't perfect but it was her life.


	18. A Nightmare

Clara woke in a sweat, clutching River's shirt as if her very life depended on it. "It's alright, sweetie, you had a bad dream." River soothed. This was odd, yet she had raised children with the Doctor so she must know a bit about nightmares. Blinking, Clara realized the lights were on but Missy was still asleep. "I think she's going deaf if she can sleep through all that racket!" The guard said. "I am not going deaf, I just prefer to not acknowledge the circumstances that have temporarily awakened me." She replied. " Now Clara, stop being a baby and deal with your problems in the daytime like everyone else. " "Missy! Clara had a nightmare. You can stay asleep forever and nobody would care. Now shut up and the lights will go out soon." River replied.

It happened the next night. And the next. And the next. Until all three were tired, cranky, and uncooperative. "You are all taking naps after lunch." Donna announced after a rather nasty fight in the yard. "I think some time apart would do you all a world of good." So three separate cells were readied and three inmates were assigned cells. Missy was happy she could finally sleep in peace. But it was very quiet without River and Clara.

River had a good sleep. No nightmares, finally! "At least Clara doesn't wet the bed." She thought. That reminded her of her childhood bedwetting and the five kids of her own who wet the bed until eight. Now she missed Clara. She hadn't spent much time without Missy in the past few years and missed her too.

Clara woke up shivering in a cold sweat. But there was no River to comfort her or Missy to make fun. Everything was dark and nobody would turn on the lights. Clara cried. She wanted her bed and her cell mates. She had become accustomed to them and wanted them back badly. She cried even harder when a guard banged on the door and said "Inmate! Quiet! Don't make me come in there and make you quiet!" 

Donna finally had all three back in one cell. " Do you know why you are all back here? Because nobody else wants to guard you! " She lectured. "Oh, and Clara, here's your dog. It got lost in the laundry room last week. Keep a better eye on it." " That's what was missing! Something seemed off and that must have been it. " River said. 

The night guard was impressed, three sleeping inmates and no nightmares. A nice change. Donna was happy her prisoners were back together and they were glad to have Donna.


	19. Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains mild violence. The word 'smart' in this case means hurt.

Yard time was sacred. That was the end of it. And not getting those five hours a week was a punishment worse than death. Missing yard time was almost as bad, and making your cell mates miss yard time was unthinkable. But on this very sunny spring day Clara incurred the wrath of both her cell mates.

It all began innocently enough, everything was going perfect. The sun was warm and the faintest of breezes was blowing. Perfect weather for an hour outside. Of course that meant Clara had to mention to Donna that she was cold. And of course Donna took her temperature. And the biggest calamity to befall them was Clara having a very high temperature. "104.3°f. Everyone back in the cell." " But we aren't sick! " Missy cried. "Not now, but I'm not about to let this entire place get sick just so you can have some yard time." Donna replied. While she made a valid point, and if it was her child who was sick, River would have done the same thing. But those days were behind her, and she wanted to go outside. "Way to go, Clara! Now we are stuck inside and it's all your fault!" 

Clara didn't ask to feel sick. All she asked for was a coat. But she was already in a sweater and the building was plenty warm. Outside was warm too, so being cold was not to be taken lightly. "You look pale, and you're warm! No outside today!" Donna said. Clara was achy and exhausted. She curled up in her bed and fell asleep quickly. "I have some fever reducer for her. Could you please wake her up?" Donna made the mistake of asking Missy. " HEY, STUPID! WAKE UP! " Missy yelled. "Missy! You don't need to yell." Donna said, realizing she had made a mistake. Clara was shaken, "I'm sorry honey." Donna said. "Here is some medicine." Clara took the pills and fell asleep again.

"When you- you- achoo!" River never got to finish her sentence because she started sneezing. " Bed! Now! " Donna said. "Thanks a lot, Clara!" River had a slight fever and Actually realized she wanted to lay down for a while. Missy was still angry, " I want to go out! " she demanded. "No! You are staying in. And keep that thermometer in your mouth!" Donna admonished. "No fever. But you are staying in anyway."

Seeing how upset Missy was, Donna said " How about we go to the library? You can get out an extra book. " Missy knew a good thing when she saw it and leapt at the chance. An extra book was nothing to quibble over. And while it didn't make up for being stuck inside, at least she got to read about Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Her favorite book, (right next to several banned ones that contained many horrible things.) And a western with lots of shootouts. Knowing how to get around rules was a specialty of Missy's. In her head all she needed was to get outside. She pulled a fire alarm and that made things worse. Now everyone regardless of their physical state was forced into the sun. Several inmates were nocturnal and a few had to stay out of the sun. With River and Clara sick, being outside was the last thing they needed. The wind picked up and the sun no longer warmed it. Now everyone was stuck outside in the cold. Once the all clear was given and everyone went back to what they were doing, Missy got punished. "I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon forget!" A guard said as Donna had gone to make sure Clara and River were back in bed. Donna knew exactly what kind of punishment this guard would use and usually didn't allow it. " Hurting a person isn't teaching them right from wrong. " She said. But with Missy she had just given up. A few licks with a belt wasn't going to kill her. She may not have died but Missy sure did smart for quite a while. And the next day, Missy was sick. It didn't help that her cell mates now had bad chest colds on top of the flu. "Why are we always getting sick?" Clara asked. "You are stuck in close proximity to many people. Thereby making it easier for you to get ill. You also have many people coming in and out daily, any number of germs can get in!" Donna said as she tucked Clara back in. " You are an unusual prison guard. I don't think any would tuck in a sick inmate. " "I'm not your average guard." Donna said.


	20. Cell Sweet Cell

Clara was holding an ice pack to her head and moaning. "Uuugggh, my head hurts!" It was the middle of the night and while everyone slept Clara's bed collapsed. She went sprawling on the floor and River found herself trapped. The night guard helped River get out, made sure no real injuries were caused, handed over the ice and some tylonal. Moving Clara's mattress to the floor and River's to the top of Missy's, the guard made sure they got tucked back in before leaving.

In the morning, Donna almost screamed in shock. "My babies- I mean inmates! What has happened to my poor inmates?" "The bed fell!" Clara said sitting up. " Oh, you hurt yourself! Why wasn't I told? " Donna groused. "Because it was three a.m. And you aren't their mother?" The guard said on his way out. " Well, if you are all right, we need to make some phone calls. "  
Looking at the state of the furniture made Donna place her call faster. How long had it been since this stuff was replaced? Apparently 45 years according to the warden. Time for some new things! But that meant moving everyone, and nobody wanted that! "You are only going to be away for a week! I'm surprised you don't want new beds!" But looking at the cell made all three find a reason to leave.

Looking at the broken bed and the rust that seemed to come from nowhere, (How can there be this much rust? They painted only a month ago... Or maybe it was six?) The toilet was leaking, the sink was too, and the beds were almost in a heap. The showers weren't much better. "This is a disaster! We can't have them getting hurt!" The warden said. " We actually have plenty in the budget to fix this area, why don't we overhaul it? After all, they will be here longer than anyone else. " So an overhaul it was!

Donna lined the three inmates up and lectured, "You will be on your best behavior, understood? River, no leaving! Missy, obey the rules! Clara... Just don't get sick! For some reason your seem to do a lot of that. Listen to the guards, say please and thank you, and no fighting." All three were to be sent to an isolated area generally reserved for inmates with very contagious , very deadly illnesses. Donna was staying to supervise the work.

Three separate cells were readied and three inmates were each assigned a cell.  
If they thought their cell was small they should have thought again! There was a cot. That was it. A plexiglass cell with room for nothing but a cot. It was impossible to walk from one side to the other. And worse of all, they had to ask for the toilet! The place smelled of strong disinfectant and not the lemony fresh kind. A sign painted on the wall said 'NO TALKING' and Clara decided She was alright with that. Missy and River didn't see it as a rule, more like a suggestion.

Unfortunately the cells weren't sound proof and a guard came by and gave River and Missy something to talk about. "Can't you read, inmate? Or are you too stupid to learn?" " Of course I can read, you twit! I've been able to read since your great grandparents were in diapers! " Missy shouted. Uh-oh, not fifteen minutes and already Missy was picking a fight. By the time a third warning was given, Missy decided to calm down. Crisis averted. Sort of. For six weeks they sat in their cells. For six weeks they were alone. For six weeks they tried to be on their best behavior. (Some tried harder than others.) And for six weeks they missed their cell. Finally, when Clara felt like she could live in a cell with nothing but Missy and River, it happened. Donna came and brought them back. River was so happy she even hugged Missy. "I missed you so much!" She said. And for once, Missy hugged her back. " I missed you more! " She replied. Both hugged Clara so tightly she thought her ribs might break. Everyone wanted to hug Donna, but she didn't allow it. "Don't touch the guard!" She said, wishing she could hug all three. The new cell was bigger than the old one. " You are going to be here longer than anyone, they wanted you to have more space. " Donna said. The new beds were much nicer and softer too. Even the plumbing was great! A real bathroom was added "A toilet with a lid? And the sink has hot water!" Clara said, she noticed a new feature. "The shower is in the cell! It's beautiful! " Clara was so happy she couldn't contain herself. "We get a table? And a bookshelf? We are spoiled!" River said. This cell was very nice. Climbing into their new beds, it became apparent something was wrong. "Did we all brush our teeth?" River asked. "Yes, dear." Missy replied. "We are in our jammies too. And we have gone to the bathroom and we all are in bed. But what is missing? " Clara said "River? I'm lonely." " I think I am too. " River said. Without saying a word, Clara crawled into River's bed. "That's what was missing! Clara in your bed. " Missy said. "Get yourself in here before I repeat your first name!" River said. Missy joined them. It was a tight squeeze but well worth it. ~


	21. Tossed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every so often (all the time) Donna must tear the cell apart for contraband. (There is always contraband where River is concerned) What do each of the three inmates have? What are their prized possessions? Donna knows and it some secrets as well.

Nobody enjoyed surprise shake downs. Especially someone as picky as River! She hated having people touch her things. But it was a must, and being a prisoner meant she had no say.  
But leaving contraband around for Donna to find was always fun. And after four years Donna knew every single hiding place. Even the ones River didn't think she knew about. Missy loathed it. Time Lords don't like their stuff touched by anyone. Donna always wondered who would win in a competition, a Time Lord or a dragon? Clara wasn't too happy,but she was used to it by now.

Donna always made sure her prisoners were well restrained and sitting on the bench outside the cell right where she could see them. "Why can't we help you?" River asked. Donna looked incredulous, "HELP me? More like hide things from me! I wasn't born yesterday." Donna always started with a different person. Today it was Missy. " Missy, how did you get a set of knives? Don't answer that! " Missy was a headache and explanations made it worse. "One pillow, two blankets, one mattress, one set sheets, baby blanket. Set of pictures. Hey! These are- MISSY!"  
" A girl's gotta keep herself occupied. So I like memorizing the blueprints for this building... And ones for the White house, and Buckingham palace, and Downing street, and the American Senate, and House. And others! " "You are a twisted soul, Missy." Donna replied. No tears in the mattress or pillow, nothing sewn anywhere. "A machete? Honestly? And... Missy these walls were just painted! And I am not! You are repainting this wall!" Missy also had a special attachment to a pair of socks and Donna could not throw them out. No matter how full of holes they became. " Missy these are Swiss cheese! But one more wash and the they go! " Donna always said that, but she didn't have the heart to throw them away. 

Clara was usually saved for last, but today Donna mixed things up a bit and decided to do her second. The usual issued things, a few pictures from her father and Ashildr, the toy puppy Ashildr had given her, some books. But there was also letters her father had written, Donna didn't read them. Those were private and since Clara didn't have any plans to hurt anyone or anything, Donna let them be. Clara was her good inmate, the reliable one. River and Missy were not.

"Three tubes of hallucinogenic lip stick, four sonic screwdrivers, six blasters, four bombs, three guns, a hit list, fourteen knives, two vortex manipulators, one journal, three pens, pictures I'm not even going to try and look at, letters, four books, and your teddy bear! River I should punish you! Not that it would do any good! You are incorrigible! But I wouldn't have you any other way. And your granddaughter looks like she finally found someone to settle down with.  
Yes, you may go to the wedding. I have heard way too much about her relationships to even think of saying no."

Once back in their cell, everyone settled down and Missy got to painting. Donna didn't exactly like getting rid of contraband, but this time there were no live animals... She didn't see any... Maybe she should look again, you never know when River might hide something dangerous like a tiger.


	22. Confined to Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has her tonsils removed. How does the big bad assassin react to surgery? Like a child.

"No, River! You need to stay in bed, you have just had your tonsils out." Donna said gently.  
" Why do I have to stay here and they don't? " River tried to whine, still groggy. "Because they didn't have surgery. And you get all the ice cream you want! They don't get any." For some reason that seemed to pacify River, who hugged her bear and fell asleep. "How long until River can join us again?" Clara asked. " Since the doctor decided to remove her tonsils, adenoids, and wisdom teeth, it should be about a week. " Donna replied. "She won't be happy about that." Missy said. " She can be as upset as she wants, she just needs rest. " Donna said.

When River woke she felt horrible. Her mouth and throat hurt like fire and she could barely speak. "Just point to what flavor you want." Donna said, holding out a card with three pictures,  
"Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?" River chose chocolate. She had her ice cream and took three bites before she couldn't take the pain anymore. "I want Amy." She rasped a while later, tears running down her face. "I know, sweetheart." Donna said. River wanted her mother and it was impossible. River started using gestures as she was in so much pain. "No, you may not help with the puzzle. You may stay in bed!" Clara said. " And if you're good I'll let you read the James Bond book my dad brought me. " That was reason enough to stay in bed. But something didn't feel right. River was suddenly in blinding pain in her side. "Appendicitis. Surgery now!" The doctor said. Poor River was placed in bed again and told to stay there even longer! This was terrible. "During one of the ultrasounds they felt you should also lose your gallbladder. The doctor wanted to know if you were leasing it out as a quarry there were so many stones." Donna said. River would have laughed, imagining tiny little machinery and even tinier men. But the pain was too much. The Doctor visited and brought family pictures. "Our granddaughter had a lovely wedding. I wish you could have seen her in her red dress! A real Time Lady! And we will soon be great great grandparents again! Marvin and Dana are expecting twins!" River was over the moon! New babies to spoil! She loved being a mother, and a grandmother and a great grandmother. Now a fourth generation of children, what could be better? "I even brought you a new blanket and pajamas. You really scared me." The Doctor always spoiled her. Once a full week had gone by, River was allowed to walk around by herself. " We have a new puzzle, wanna join? " Clara asked. The picture was of a battle at some place called "Antietam." " American Civil war I think. " River said. It was a fun puzzle, over five hundred pieces. But the real fun wasn't the puzzle, it was being included with her friends.


	23. Missy has feelings too

Missy may not be like everyone else, but she does have feelings. She just chooses when to feel and when not to. Just like they taught her on Gallifrey, keep your feelings in check and things will be fine. But Missy didn't always want to push away her feelings, sometimes she wanted to feel them. And she just happened to pick a bad day for feelings. 

She had a restless night and woke up with a bed drenched in sweat. "Oh, you must be going through the change of life." River said. " Did you forget, I never had to do that. I was a man back then. " "Well, you're no man now!" River said, chuckling. Missy scowled. "I have no idea how you do it. You're basically a teenager and already a great great grandmother. Do you humans know something I don't?" " Plenty! I've never seen you act nice for longer than an hour. " It was true, Missy was always condescending and sarcastic. "You have no feelings. I'm surprised you haven't made enemies of your family." River said. Clara just decided to sit back and enjoy the show. And what a show! " You don't even have feelings, do you? " River instead as Missy brushed her teeth. "I do too have feelings!" " No. You are heartless and cold blooded through and through. I don't know how anyone could love you! " Missy didn't reply, she just went for her shower. No feelings? She was sure she had feelings somewhere. She loved... Her mother... And... Her wife... And... Her kids? Alright, she hated her mother and resented her wife and the kids drove her crazy. But she had loved at one point. Once she loved power and killing. Not that she didn't still enjoy those things, but after so long it was not love so much as an enjoyable hobby. She had loved the little dog she had a few hundred years ago. He was always making her laugh. But she had never really loved another. She wasn't incapable of feeling, it was just very hard to allow herself to feel. River continued to tease and poke at Missy. "You might as well be a robot! No feelings whatsoever and you kill for fun!" River taunted. " The pot calling the kettle black, dear. " She replied. "At least there are still people who love me!" River hit the spot on that. Missy socked her in the jaw, knocking her out. "MISSY! YOU ARE SO IN TROUBLE!" Donna yelled , grabbing a leather strap from her desk. This one wasn't one she used often, but the effect would be immediate. Donna wasn't a huge fan of corporal punishment, but sometimes her point needed to get across. There were two leather straps on her desk. One was just a regular strap, issued by the prison. The other was slightly less standard. It had metal studs and was definitely not an easy punishment to take. Soon, Missy was unable to do much walking. Donna had more than blistered her legs and had made sure to get the point across. When a fight was picked, Donna tried to deal with it as easily as possible. Talking was a start, but her inmates didn't always like that method and she had to up the ante. In general hitting was a last resort and it was the last resort type of day. Missy tried not to show how much pain she was in, River however could tell. "Are you gonna cry?" River teased. A defeated Missy just went to lay down. " River, how could you! And on today of all days! " Clara admonished. She wasn't going to say anything but then remembered what significance today held. "What's so different about today? It's... Oh no!" River forgot! It's Missy's birthday. Oh, oh, this was terrible! She had not only made fun of Missy but she had gotten her into trouble on her birthday. " River, you are the worst! " Clara said. "Missy is 2017 years old today and you have to go shooting off your mouth!" River looked at Missy and noticed how the usually proud woman looked unusually sad. Maybe Missy had feelings after all? " I'm sorry I teased you and said those things. " River said. "I'm sorry you have a swollen jaw." Missy replied. "You know, I have something very special for you, Missy. Tonight you get spaghetti and meatballs for supper! And yes, you get cake." Now Time Lords have a weakness, they love spaghetti and meatballs. They would eat it three times a day and never tire of it. But if course that wasn't practical or healthy. But special occasions called for special food and even on Gallifrey they enjoyed cake and ice cream. No, Missy didn't have emotions like a human. But then, she wasn't human.


	24. Hear we go... Huh?

One morning Clara was given a very rude awakening. River yanked the blankets off her and smacked her with a pillow. "ALRIGHT, I'M AWAKE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO HARSH!" Clara yelled. " Clara, you didn't hear the alarm! I've been trying to wake you for five minutes. " "STOP WHISPERING! TALK NORMAL!" Suddenly it was very apparent that Clara couldn't hear a word.   
River got some paper and a pen, writing down her explanation. Suddenly Clara looked scared.  
She couldn't hear anything.

"No reason for it. The ears look clean as a whistle!" The doctor said. "This is just one of those things that cannot be explained. I'm sorry." Clara was given paper and a pen and a sympathetic hug from Donna. " You'll be alright. Missy and River will look after you. " she wrote. Clara smiled, she knew she was in good hands. 

It was impossible for Clara to get away. If she went to the bathroom Missy or River was right there. "I don't need you to help me relieve myself!" She told them. Neither listened. When it came to being outside Missy all but guarded her. "Missy, I can go a few moments without you right here." She said. Missy pretended she didn't hear. Clara was beginning to wonder who had gone deaf, her or her cell mates. 

River wanted attention and she wanted it now! Clara couldn't hear her ask for anything. River wanted to hit Clara, but she took a breath and tapped her on the shoulder. Clara had been reading and jumped upon being touched. River asked "Please tell me which Mark Twain book I should read next?" She wrote. " Tom Sawyer Detective. " Clara said. She was finding this hearing loss to be more work than she bargained for.

Clara took a nap after lunch and woke up in horrible pain. The Doctor took her right in and after a even more through check said, "You have a nasty infection in your eustachian tubes. I don't know why my colleague didn't see this before. A good round of antibiotics will help."

And this guy was right. For in only a few days Clara got her hearing back. " I am so happy I can hear again! " Clara said. "We feel the same." River said. " You babied me the whole time! " Clara retorted. "And you narrowly missed four fights and three beatdowns because of us." Missy said. " Thanks. I guess I missed a lot. " Clara said, hugging her friends.


	25. The wrong side of the bed

Clara didn't sleep well. Actually she didn't sleep at all and was just starting to doze when the alarm rang. River dragged her out of bed and said, "You had a bad night, don't take it out on me." Impatiently, Clara waited for her shower. She didn't want to be late for anything and that meant breakfast. But by the time she made it into the shower all the hot water was gone. "Sorry Clara. I guess you were too late today." Donna said. One very cold shower later and a soggy bowl of cereal awaited. Clara didn't want cereal that no longer resembled itself. She liked the crunch in her corn flakes. Donna looked over her prisoners. Gray uniforms all had to look neat. Except this morning Clara had been in such a rush she had miss buttoned her shirt. "Shirt needs fixing, Clara. And by the looks of it so does your bed." Clara was mortified. She always made the bed! But when she looked at it she could plainly see that she didn't make it. "No library for you. Go make your bed." Donna replied. If this day could get worse it did. Clara was in a fight during yard time and by the time she was back inside, Donna was just glad her insides weren't outside. "Clara Oswald! One week no yard." " That was just fine. Clara had a painful jaw and knew she didn't start the fight. "I wish I was in the TARDIS." She said through clenched teeth. "Even the Doctor has had days." Donna reminded her. The rest of the day was terrible. Only two lunches were delivered and there wasn't enough to go around. "Sorry, truck had an accident." The guard said. There wasn't enough food to feed one person let alone three! Clara was still in pain and let the others have it. A late truck meant late supper. And Clara was very tired, hungry, in pain, and upset. " Go to sleep, I know it's early. " Donna said, handing the toy dog over. "Thanks." Clara said as she fell Asleep . Tomorrow would be better.


	26. Donna does nightshift

"No! I don't want to go to bed!" Missy declared. "Too bad. You are an inmate and I am the guard. I tell you what to do and try and keep you from hurting someone. You do as I say or there'll be hell to pay. " Donna glanced at the metal ruler sitting on her desk. "Go brush your teeth and get ready for bed." Following Donna's gaze, Missy went to brush her teeth.

"But I I'm not tired." Clara said. This surprised Donna as Clara was almost always the sweetest most well behaved inmate she had ever seen. If course when the majority of inmates she saw were Missy and River that made almost every single person a better behaved inmate. "Tell me about your day." Donna said. " I got up and after I got ready I had breakfast. Then I wrote to my dad and Ashildr. I played a game with River and Missy, had lunch, then was in the yard. I played foursquare and basketball. Then I mopped the floor and cleaned the cell. I had supper and then I read until you said to get ready for bed. " "Are you sure you aren't tired?" Donna asked. "Well... A little I guess." " And the cell looks beautiful, you did a great job. " Clara climbed into bed and fell asleep quicker than Donna thought.

"Alright River, what's your excuse?" " I recently joined a cult that prohibits sleep. " River said. "And when did you join?" " Last Thursday? " "You really don't think I am that stupid." " Fine. " Soon all three were sound asleep and Donna thought all was well... But it turned out Missy was a sleep walker. She got up and walked around the cell. Donna was surprised by this and continued to watch. Missy put her shoes on a shelf and her pillow on the table. Well this was starting to make sense! That was way Missy could never find her shoes, and why she always woke up with a stiff neck. 'Extra pillow for Missy' Donna wrote. Soon Missy went back to bed and all was quiet. That was all, right? No! River was a thrasher! She had her sheets and blankets tossing and turning like a salad. By the time she settled Donna wondered how the Doctor put up with this behavior every night. So this was the reason River was cold all night! She threw her bedding everywhere! But she didn't calm down, soon Donna had to go in and soothe her. It took a while, River kept slapping her hands. But eventually Donna got her settled. The next few hours were uneventful. By two Donna figured nothing else would happen. She was wrong again! Clara had horrible nightmares and was stuck in her bed. Donna tried to calm her and found herself being pulled on by River. "Does this happen often?" Donna asked. "Every night. You need to rub her back and tuck her back in." Donna had no idea how the usual guard did it! This was tons of work. By morning , Missy had moved her extra blanket into the sink, River almost tore up her pillow, and Clara had three more nightmares. Donna was so happy she had day shift next week! This weekend would be very restful. When she talked to the night guard, she mentioned everything. "I know, did you get my note?" " Yas there was no note! " "Here it is! It just have fallen under the desk." Indeed it had! And it mentioned the behaviors and a few other things Donna didn't expect. "River lectures? Missy needs help with the toilet? Clara talks in her sleep? Are you serious?" "Yes! I think I almost have a degree in archeology! Missy somehow and I really don't know how, misses the toilet. You have to catch her before she pulls her pants down. She seems to forget that she is a woman now and tries to stand. She is completely unaware that she does this. I think I clean her up about twice a week. Clara has a mean right hook! You get her in the right frame of mind and boom! You're out cold!" Donna was surprised! "And I thought the day shift was bad!" She said. " Well, see you in the morning. "


	27. Pet?

"Can we get a pet?" River asked one day. " No. You know the rules. 'no pets.' " Donna said in reply. "But why not?" " you're inmates, not children and if you were free I doubt the Doctor would allow an animal on the TARDIS. " True, the Doctor was quite picky about who or what came aboard. The TARDIS was even pickier. "But what if we get rats? Could we get a pet then?"  
River was persistent. "No! And don't even THINK of doing what you're thinking of doing!" Donna replied. She knew very well that 'accidental' guests sometimes made their way back with River. It took shaving every single head to get rid of them. 

"A cat would be a good thing." River said. " Yes. A cat would be a good thing, if you lived any other place besides prison! " Donna said. "They can help lower stress." " So can drugging you, but we don't see me doing that! " River remained quiet, she wasn't going to provoke Donna into actually trying out that method of control. 

"A dog is good for playing fetch." River said at lunch. "And so are you. Fetch me my answer."  
Donna said. "No." River sighed. " Exactly! Good girl, River! Now if only we could get you to stop  
Peeing on the rugs. " "Hey! I'm completely housebroken!" " That might be one person's opinion. I don't happen to share it. " Donna was getting annoyed. "A dog is good for keeping the bed warm." River said. " River, for the very last time no pets! And any more talk of animals and I'll make YOU wear a collar and answer to 'Fido.' Understood? " River stopped. But Missy was enjoying seeing Donna so annoyed and decided to keep it going. "I never had a pet." She said. "And at this rate you never will. Stop asking me about pets!" " A hamster? " Missy didn't know the meaning of stop. "No! Not a hamster, not a mouse, not a cat, dog, horse, or flea circus! And I'm serious! No. Fleas. Ever!" " A fish? " "MISSY! WHY DON'T YOU... Actually that wasn't a bad idea. "You want a pet? Alright. Make River behave. For a month!" That was never going to happen and everyone knew it. At least Clara didn't ask for a pet. Donna was happy about that! One person who could see reason. "Can I have a hug?" Now that caught Donna off guard. " A hug? " Donna was unsure. Nobody ever asked that before. "I guess..." Donna gave Clara the biggest hug she could. " Thanks. " Missy and River looked confused. Was it something they said? "By the way, Donna? May I please take these two out for their walk? They look like they need to go out." Donna looked at Clara and laughed. " Clara Oswald! You are very funny! It's time to go out anyways. Do you need leashes for your pets? " River and Missy Glared. How dare Clara talk about them like they were animals! Clara just laughed and said, "No. I don't have any pets. Just my two friends."


	28. Rain rain rain

It had rained for five days and everyone was bored. "Monopoly?" River asked. "Missy got upset and ate five pieces last time, remember?" Clara replied. "Puzzle?" " She flushed three pieces down the toilet. " "Book?" " We had them confiscated when Missy threw one at Donna's head and gave her a bump. " Every activity had been ruined by Missy. Even normal everyday things were no longer pleasant. 

Missy made them second guess themselves in the shower. She would set it to cold while they washed their hair. Going to the bathroom was a pain because Missy broke the lock and would open the door. She even managed to soak their clean clothing! Needless to say, everyone was upset. "So you want to just be bored?" Clara asked. " Oh no you don't! You two are playing cards! " Donna said. She wasn't going to leave them high and dry just because Missy needed a good reminder of where she was. 

After three more days of rain Donna couldn't take it anymore! She was going out of her mind. "I don't care what the weather is like, you are spending time outside!" She bustled them off to the yard. "That's what you get for being pests!" She said , shutting the door behind her. "This is a fine thing!" River said.  
" And we wouldn't be out here if it weren't for Missy! " Missy had ruined breakfast and spilled it all over them. Then Donna found that the washing machine was down so no clean clothes. "It's raining enough to give you and your clothing a good clean! I ought to send you out with a box of soap." But since the rain was so bad getting wet was all they really needed to feel like they were in a washer. Donna took a breath. She needed to get those three something to do! The cell had been cleaned from top to bottom and every speck of dust was gone. Every game and book had been used, and the gloom of the weather only added to the gloom of the prison. "I think I need a vacation! And maybe new prisoners." She thought to herself. " But I guess the weather has to turn sometime. " She sighed and went to let everyone inside. "Now that you all are in your pajamas, owing to the apparent lack of real laundry services which shall be back up an running by supper, I am reassured. It's a good time for a nap." " A NAP! " Missy didn't want a nap, she wanted to do something fun like shave River's head. River was fine, she could use the time to journal. Clara hadn't slept in a while and was very tired. A nap it was! Finally! Just when everyone had given up hope of there ever being nice weather and had started looking for Noah's ark, the sun appeared. River almost cried. Donna danced. Clara beamed. Missy was... Still planning on shaving River's head.


	29. It's not easy being imprisoned

Gray! Everything was gray. The walls were gray, the bars were gray, the blankets were gray.  
Uniforms:gray, food:gray, ceiling: gray. Everywhere Clara looked everything was gray. She didn't see one other color in the whole cell. This was depressing and obviously the others felt the same because Missy didn't even put any effort into making fun of River that morning. "You look like... Who cares, I don't wanna fight." River was surprised but kept her cool. She knew a good thing when she saw it and she didn't want an argument either.

Sensing something was wrong, Donna looked up from her desk. Three pairs of pitiful eyes stared back at her. Donna's heart broke for them. Clara didn't deserve this life, River had served too many years, and Missy well... She was in need of help but not by her own choosing. It was like watching the pound scene from Lady and the Tramp. Only there was nobody singing 'There's No Place Like Home ' and nobody would be put to sleep. At least not here.

If Donna could have taken them all in her arms and brought them home she would have. But this being life and not a movie, they had to stay put. At least she could help make their miserable lives more bearable. "How about a game of charades?" She said. " Does this mean we get to kill people for some old stamps? " River asked. If they were killing anything she wanted to be involved.  
"No. You get a word and you have to draw it while the others guess what it is. We aren't reenacting a movie." River was less piqued but still wanted to play.

Soon all three were so engrossed in their game they forgot everything else. Until lunch happened. "How do you make carrots gray?" River asked. "Or more to the point, how do you make chicken taste like... Well not chicken." Clara pointed out. Soon they finished and were playing again. Until "Outside! All three of you!" Donna said. She stood at the door with three pairs of handcuffs. "Come on, right now!" Clara came right away. She was almost always the most pleasant and well behaved inmate. Half the time Donna wished they were both equals instead of prisoner and guard. Clara would make a great guard. River was not the worst inmate but was a bit rough and Missy made a migraine look like a fun time. Going outside gave Donna a break and that break was like heaven. In the yard, everyone was milling around. As soon as Missy and River entered everyone closed ranks. Nobody wanted them around. Nobody trusted them and with reason. Everyone liked Clara, she was always willing to play fair and treat others well. But Missy tripped and River hit and both stole balls from games. Many basketball and football games were called on account of them. Since playing with Clara was fun she had more than enough people to play with. Well HAD was the word. Once everyone found out who her cell mates were they left her to play by herself. She stuck by River and Missy, knowing if she moved away she would be hurt. People may like her but they were more into retaliation than friendship. Yard time was miserable. "I won't hurt anyone so why do they think I will?" She asked. " You live with us, dear. " Missy said. "If you didn't take people's things and ruin games people would like you too." She said. Missy shoved her, starting a fight. Suddenly a strong set of arms pulled Clara away as another restrained Missy. "Back to your cell, ladies!" One snarled. " Fighting? " Donna was upset but she understood that was a part of life. She handed out ice packs and bandaids. "You know better than that! Clara I'm surprised at you! Missy I expect this from. What happened?" Clara explained and Missy felt Donna's gaze darken. "Anger management didn't work for you, rewards and punishment didn't work either, beating does nothing, so it's bed with no supper! And it's spaghetti night!" Donna said. " Clara, no yard one week! "

Missy was angry but could do nothing. Her life was controlled by others and she had to obey. She did love spaghetti night and she knew deep down she shouldn't have started a fight. Not that she cares what she was taught by her parents. She just didn't see them as very important or worthy of respect. She wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the Eye of Harmony. Donna however got respected because she could make Missy's very existence awful. Missy approved and treated her accordingly. Most of the time. A week without sunshine? Clara could do that... Right? Okay, maybe it would be hard, but she was being punished. She had books and that would help. A little time in the cell alone was always appreciated. When supper came Missy realised how hungry she was. River and Clara felt bad but Donna watched them like a hawk. She wasn't going to let one noodle get to Missy. This made everyone miserable. Clara and River felt bad for Missy who felt bad for herself. Donna felt bad for Missy, but She had to remain firm. "Give her an inch, she'll take six miles." Donna said to herself. The evening was just beginning and everyone was gloomy. "Alright! Early bedtime!" Yas said at nine. River had started to push Clara around a bit. When that happened all bets were off and bedtime came early. Missy was still hungry and River and Clara had a special surprise. Both had hidden their garlic bread from dinner and when nobody was watching, handed it over. Was there a possibility of getting caught? Yes. Did any of them care? No. Did Yas see? Of course. But if River was moved enough to be nice to someone and Clara didn't mind the consequences, what was the harm? Missy was happy, River and Clara were happy, and Donna need never know.


	30. Flu

Getting ill was way too common. Of course, everyone gets sick sometimes. But it seemed that being incarcerated was conducive to getting sick more often. But then when people are always coming and going from who knows where, things like viruses tended to spread like wildfire. Everyone always seemed to have something, and as the weather grew cooler those somethings popped up.

"River, out of bed! Come on!" Donna said, shaking her charge. " Ouch! That hurts! " River complained weakly. Seeing her face Donna said, "A nice hot shower and some warm porridge will put you back to health." Donna was wrong. " River, why haven't you brushed your hair? "  
Donna asked, seeing River at breakfast. "My arms hurt and my neck hurts and my head hurts and everything else hurts." River explained. "You are still pale, but I just thought you had been sleeping. River hadn't even touched her breakfast and knowing River never turned down porridge gave Donna cause for concern. "I'll get the kit." Donna said, reaching for the thermometer. "Well, 102.3 °f. You are getting back in bed." And River happily acquiesced.

Soon Clara joined River and not too long after so did Missy. "Three inmates stuck in bed. My day just got interesting." Donna thought. Clara and River were sound asleep but Missy was not about to be taken down so easily. Except nobody told her body that. She struggled but in the end fell into an exhausted sleep, baby blanket tucked under her arm. For three days Donna heard nothing. Her prisoners were either asleep or quiet. The Doctor had given each a get well card and a few encouraging words for Donna. "You're doing a good job. Thank you for caring for my wife." She said. It was Donna's pleasure.


	31. Missy's Blanket part 2

Missy loved her blanket. Which was funny because she seemed to hate everything about everything. But that blanket was beyond prized. She talked to it, she played with it, she slept with it, she even named it. (Not that anyone knew that part.) It was a very odd attachment for an adult, especially one who was over 2,000 years old. Apparently this was a Time Lord thing of sorts that got taken way too far. 

"She's insane, let this one go." The Doctor reminded. If it kept Missy occupied it was a good thing. Now it has been a while since this blanket had been washed and it was no longer blue and yellow. Instead it was a dingy gray and the smell was a bit much. "What died in there?" Donna asked one day. " Missy's blanket. " River said. "Well, it needs washing and a good long soak in some soap." Donna replied. "Why are Time Lords so in love with their baby blankets?" Clara asked. "Sweetie, if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't have to keep my wife from chewing off her nails every time I washed hers." River was annoyed. She had taken to washing it weekly just because. "For one night she cuddles me instead of that child's security object. Time Lords are very proud and very childish in some ways." "From the two I've met I concluded that a long time ago." Clara said.

The trick to taking the blanket was getting Missy away from it. Asking her to part with it was like asking if you could have her baby. Donna had to wash that thing. "Library!" She said. Missy liked the library. She had to leave her blanket but that was only for a little while. While they picked out books, Donna had a guard remove the offending object and leave it in a safe location. Donna knew exactly what she had to do, she just hopped Missy wouldn't take it too hard.

"Aaaaaaahh!!!!!" Missy screamed. " MY BLANKET! IT'S GONE! " River and Clara figured out what happened, but Missy seemed a little slow on the uptake. All Missy did was cry. Nobody had ever seen Missy cry before. At least not real tears. "Missy, it's alright. I'm sure you'll get it back soon." Clara tried. Missy cried harder. " Missy, I think your blanket is going to show up when you least expect it. " River said cryptically. "What did you do?" Missy was suddenly suspicious.  
"Sweetie, I have my own Time Lord to deal with and you aren't it!" River said. 

Meanwhile, Donna finished her shift and took the blanket home. One concoction of scent booster, detergent, and fabric softener made for a sparkling blanket. By the time it has finished drying Donna had to sprint back to the prison so she could hand over the blanket. 

"Missy, please eat." Yas said. But Missy just pushed food around her plate. Suddenly Donna appeared running down the hall. Yas wondered what was happening. "It's alright! Missy, here you are! One blanket all clean and dry." Donna handed over the blue and yellow object. "Now that looks like a proper blanket! And smells like one too." Yas said. " You took my blanket? WHy? " Missy asked. "It needed washing. Now it's all clean. And every week I'll do the same." Donna replied. Missy hadn't noticed the color differences of the horrid smell. "You are too used to it. Now it's nice and fresh from the dryer."

Missy slept like a rock. A rather loud rock that snored and sneezed. "She's allergic to the scented crystals." Yas said. River and Clara couldn't sleep and everyone was trying to re wash the blanket belonging to Missy.


	32. Enrichment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sitting in a cell all day is not a good thing. When an enrichment program is started how will everyone respond?

Clara thought she would go crazy! She had read every book in the library. Every. Single. One. At least three times and she had read everything she owned. The games and puzzles were missing pieces (again) and everything was bland. Hope came in the form of a lady with funny games. She spent all day watching Clara do different things. "Build this. Make this. Write about this." By supper Clara wanted to scream. She wasn't doing any more games!

" Those weren't games, Sweetie. " River said. "They were tests. Those tests measure how smart a person is. Well, they are fallible. Humans designed them so they aren't 100%, but they give a good indication of a person's abilities. Missy, did you ever take one?" " The Gallifreyan equivalent of one. I was eight. " "And how did you do?" " I can't remember. That was many many years ago. " "I cheat so they stopped giving me any tests." River explained. She was given tests, she just didn't know it. "So, Clara has a slightly above average IQ. And River, if the tests are correct and I think they are. Has a very high one. Missy, I can't calculate as she isn't human, but if I were to guess, I would say she's got an unchartable IQ. Now, from studies conducted at Stanford, Oxford, Harvard, and ..." Donna stopped listening. The examiner droned on and on. By the time the woman got to the point Donna was only vaguely aware of what was going on. "Enrichment." The woman said. " Excuse me? Enrichment? For what? " Donna asked. "Your inmates! Look, they need to be given things to exercise their minds, make them think, solve problems." Donna laughed. " I have two very dangerous inmates, one who escapes for the fun of it and one who thinks killing everything is fun. Actually, both think killing and stealing are forms of fun. My third inmate could use some enrichment, but the other two? They would kill each other! " "You will give them some form of enrichment. New program, you're inmates are the guinea pigs." The warden said. Soon the cell was outfitted with things that were " proven to enrich life. " "So we are now stuck doing problem solving? I'm not a child or a monkey!" River said. "I tried to explain, but they want you to do this. Give it a while, maybe you can find a way to take apart this program." Donna said sarcastically. "How about I dismantle the cell and create a nuclear missile?" River suggested. "Then what?" Donna asked, she had been around long enough to take such a suggestion with a few grains of salt. " Have Clara and Missy disarm it. " River said. "No! They would wind up dead, or hurt, or everything would just explode. You can dismantle anything in the TARDIS, as long as the Doctor says it's ok." Donna clarified. "You are no fun!" River said, going back to the lock placed on the bathroom door. " They shouldn't have locked this one. I need the toilet and all I can do is a puzzle while I try not to pee myself! Some program! " River was right. Making someone unlock the door to use the bathroom was not nice. Donna made a note to get extra uniforms and cleaning supplies. That new lock was no joke, and accidents happen. "Are they kidding? ***** ******** ******** ********!" " That's ENOUGH! River! You know I don't appreciate you using that language. " Donna admonished. "I'll never get my lunch! This tray makes you work for your food, and it isn't even good food!" River complained. "Another reason to blow us all to smithereens! Bomb the cell so you can eat lunch!" Donna was not happy. "Donna? I need..." Missy never asked for help. But seeing as she had just wet herself, it was a good indication that things needed to change. "This is the third time today, Missy." Donna said gently, it wasn't her fault the lock kept everyone out of the bathroom. Donna felt like she was potty training three kids instead of guarding three prisoners. This was the last straw! She went to the warden. "I don't have a fancy degree. I don't have research. I have experience and common sense. My prisoners haven't eaten in two days, they are unable to get their food! I have spent most of today helping one of them clean up after they wet themselves. The lock on the bathroom door keeps everyone out, and they need to get in! I have three hungry, tired, and humiliated inmates that just want their lives back! Please, this new program is terrible. All they want is their bathroom, their food, and a place to sleep. But they cannot do any of those things because some idiot came up with a stupid program that works in a lab! " The warden agreed. "Everything is back to normal. Are you still bored, Clara?" River asked. "River, I am so happy to be bored I just might sing about it!" River looked alarmed. " Just kidding! " Clara said.


	33. River's bed

River was sound asleep. She had a long day running around some distant planet, making sure to return to her own timeline. Of course, no matter how often she came back they still yelled at her. The guards no longer ranted, instead a short and loud speech was made to the effect that "You don't run away! Stay put! If you can escape what's stopping others from finding a way?" Then, with a sigh, they sent her back to the cell. " River? River. " Clara roused her.  
" Clara this had better be good. " "I think Missy is out to get me." " If that is a startling revelation you need to pay more attention. Of course she is out to get you! And everyone else! Now please go back to bed. " "But she has a knife!" River shot up. " How did she get a knife? "  
River asked. "Found it in your bed!" Missy said. "I didn't give you permission to take my stuff!" River complained. Noticing a problem, Yas entered the cell, taser drawn. Seeing the knife, she shot Missy, hoping to take her down. After making sure she secured her, Yas took the knife and forced everyone from the cell. "I'm searching this cell and if I find anything there'll be hell to pay!" She said as she chained all three to the bench. Missy had so many things in her possession that Donna was called in to help. " Why are you getting me up at three in the morning? " She asked. But seeing Yas pulling out a third box of contraband she immediately said "RIVER!" " No. " Yas said, "Missy!" For once River wasn't responsible for weapons? This was new. "She had to get them from somewhere!" " Stole them from River most likely. " Donna was right, Missy wasn't one for three cases of hallucinogenic lip stick. And the vortex manipulators and blasters had River written all over them. "Missy stole things from River's bed and locker." Donna said. " Are you sure? " Yas asked. "Missy doesn't have access to these things, River does. And since the only way this stuff ends up here is through River, Missy must have stolen it." The irony wasn't lost on Donna. Everything was probably stolen anyways, so Missy just stole the stolen items from River. "I am going to tear you to shreds!" Donna said, picking up the studded strap. A few minutes later Missy and River were actually holding back tears. Clara had never seen either cry. These were tears of pain, and as far as Donna was concerned that wasn't a bad thing. "Give your actions a good thought, because you two are no longer allowed any privileges! Missy almost killed Clara!" Donna said. If only River hadn't kept such things in her bed. "Where does she hide all of it?" Clara wondered. Somehow nobody could tell weapons were present unless they knew what to look for. Being the only one not in trouble Clara was sent to bed. Missy and River had lots of explaining to do and neither guard was happy. "You take River, I got Missy." Donna said. She interrogated Missy about her actions for hours. "Stealing from River? Honestly? A gutsy move. You know better than to - oh, who am I kidding? This lecture is doing nothing for you, is it?" Missy had glazed eyes. Donna just stopped, she was tired, Missy was tired. Clara didn't go back to bed. She couldn't sleep with all the commotion and decided that putting the cell back the way it belonged was a good use of her time. She replaced the books on the shelves, picked up pieces to games and puzzles, returned clothing and personal items to lockers. A few more objects showed up as she put the beds back together and she set those aside. Donna and Yas would be sure to see them and Clara had no intention of getting yelled at. By the time she was done so was Donna. When she saw more contraband Donna saw red. She took Missy back to the room and thrashed her. River soon had the same problem because Donna grabbed her and have her a reason to cry. Once everything was settled, Missy laid on her bed unable to move. River was actually crying. Clara cared for them both, no matter how mean they could be. She made sure to offer help and was refused. She wasn't being punished, she got off scott free! Well of course she did! Common sense dictated that. Clara obeyed the rules. (Mostly.) Clara didn't hide things. (That anyone knew of.) And Clara listened to the guards. (Most of the time.) But nobody ever bothered to ask if she had any weapons. Nobody bothered to think she might have stolen some things from River's bed. Of course, she hadn't. That wasn't her style. But if she wanted to... Nobody ever thought of that. River and Missy weren't mad at Clara. They were mad at themselves. "I was stupid to leave things where they could be found." River thought to herself. And she was right. Usually she was good at hiding her things, what went wrong this time? She had spent too much time amassing weapons and not enough time hiding them. Between that and just living for the thrill of danger, River had made her own bed in this case. (Pun intended) Things did get back to normal and a few weeks later Missy was digging through River's bed again. "If you think you will find anything there look again." River said before she and Missy fought. At least everything was hidden and secured. Missy no longer had any weapons and all she could do was argue. River decked her and said "touch my stuff again and I'll make you regret everything you have ever done!" Secretly, she hopped Missy would try again. It was fun fighting with someone.


	34. Vacation

Missy was having fun. Well 'fun' wasn't the word for it in Clara's opinion. She felt the word  
"Terror" was more suitable. All day Missy teased her and did things to her. "River, help!" Clara cried when Missy tried to electrocute her. " MISSY! PUT THOSE WIRES DOWN NOW! " Donna yelled, River yanked them from Missy's grip. "We don't hurt people!" Donna admonished. 'I feel like a preschool teacher with a bunch of unruly five year olds.' Donna thought to herself. Who in their right mind tries to electrocute another person using a fork? What was Missy's end game?  
Did she really want to hurt Clara? Or just scare her? 

The answer soon became clear when Clara started screaming. Missy had poured hot coffee all over her lap. "MISSY YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT NOW!" Donna yelled. She had had enough. Her boss felt so too. Donna needed to take a vacation. Leaving Yas with days and someone else on nights. A rest would do Donna good. And Yas was about to find out what the day shift was like. She usually came on around eight, put everyone to bed at ten, and mostly had the rest of the night to herself. She didn't usually see everyone during the day and had no idea what to expect. She had caught glimpses of their personalities, but nothing extremely substantial. Today she was in for a rude awakening. Donna wasn't joking around when she left a forty five page manual on how to work with three prisoners. Clara had about three or four pages, the rest covered Missy and River. "Yas! Help!" River yelled. Looking up Yas was Missy try and stab Clara. " Oh no you don't! " She said, jumping into action. Three high powered tasers later and Missy was finally subdued. "You shouldn't even be in the same cell! How can you live with Missy trying to kill you?" She asked. Without giving anyone a chance to answer, Yas escorted Missy to the bench. "You will stay here until yard time." She said. River and Clara spent the morning playing a game. Missy watched and sat. She really didn't want to kill Clara. Well, she preferred to scare the life out of her, but actually kill her? No. She would lose her favorite toy by killing Clara. Yas also had yard duty and was introduced to the reason everyone put up with Missy and River. Clara was walking around and suddenly a gang of inmates jumped her. Before she could speak, Missy had removed her from the melee and made sure she was alright. Then she went back and took care of the bullies. Yas broke them up and lectured everyone about using words. So that was why Missy was allowed to stay! She may not be nice but she kept Clara safe from others. Maybe deep down she Did care. Or maybe it was because she had plans for Clara. Whatever the case, moving Missy was a bad idea. River was off the walls by mid afternoon. She couldn't leave, she couldn't do anything, she was just plain antsy. And when River got ants in the pants it wasn't nice for anyone. "River stop fidgeting." Yas said. " But I am bored! " She replied. "Play a game. Read a book. Journal. Write a letter. Do something, just stop acting like you have ants in your pants. Clara and Missy are playing mousetrap. Ask to play." Seeing as the game was about to start, River joined. Yas was surprised to see Missy playing nicely with Clara. Missy playing nicely with anyone was new. Yas supposed she had a nice side, it was just hard to find. But when screams came from the cell, Yas changed her opinion. Missy took the term "mousetrap" and made it literal! Both River and Clara were in pain as real traps snapped shut on their hands. Three hours, and several X-Ray sets later River and Clara returned with splinted fingers. Missy would have laughed, she had been planning to laugh, but Yas gave her a few very painful reasons not to. "You don't get to hurt anyone!" She said. "You are being very naughty and I think maybe I ought to send you elsewhere!" Of course Yas didn't send her anywhere, but the threat was good. Now that River and Clara were each down a hand, Yas had extra work. She had to cut their food, put toothpaste on their brushes, and keep Missy at bay at the same time. "Alright, you know the night guard will be here shortly. Be good or I'll make you sorry. " Yas never needed force, She never really had to punish, but today was over and she was tired. By the time Donna returned a week later Yas was ready to get back to nights. "How do you deal with Missy?" She asked. " Well... She was testing you to see how far you would go. Since everyone is still alive I'd say you did good. " Donna replied. "I need a vacation! How do you do this every day?" " Oh, I'm used to it. " Donna was right, she was used to it. And she wouldn't have it any other way.


	35. Cry me a River

River seemed sad, small, and not herself. It was noticeable when she barely touched her breakfast. "River, it's waffles! We never have waffles!" Clara said. River loved waffles. Everyone knew that. If she could have them three times a day she would. But today River seemed off.  
"No thanks. You can have mine." She said, going to lie down. Maybe she just had a bad night and needed to sleep. 

But when it came time for roll call River looked horrible. Donna paused and asked. "River, what's wrong? Are you okay?" She checked for a fever. " No fever. Did you sleep alright? "  
River shrugged. Donna decided that the rest of her announcements could wait, River needed someone. A very special person. And that person was in huge trouble for "accidentally" leaving a sonic screwdriver behind. No visits for six months! But that was well over a week ago and River didn't seem too upset by it.

So River spent the day sulking. By mid afternoon Clara had enough. "Alright, River, what's wrong?" She asked. River laid her head on Clara's shoulder and cried. " It's okay. We all feel bad some days. " Clara soothed. She held her friend and allowed her to cry. Missy didn't bother them, she didn't like kicking someone when they were already down. It was no fun. She just let well enough alone. Clara stayed with River until she cried herself to sleep. "I think you had a bad night." She said.

River hadn't slept well in days. She just couldn't sleep and didn't know why. She was napping on Clara's shoulder now. The most sleep she had gotten in a good while. Once Clara laid River down she went about her day. "Missy, I'm worried. River just isn't herself. Could her Time Lord biology cause this?" "It's all hard to say, dear. She could be going through some changes or something like that." " What kind of changes? " It definitely wasn't regeneration. "You humans have a 'change of life,' I think you call it. We have something like that, but River had that years ago. This change is physical, but she may be too young. She is still relatively a young adult in years, even if she doesn't look it." " How old is she? " "Depending on the timeline... I believe she is over five hundred and not yet one thousand." " 782 to be exact. " Donna said. This stunned Clara. "How old are her parents?" " About your age. " "So.." " Clara, don't try and figure it out. Remember, time is as my frenemy the Doctor says "wibbledy wobbledy timey wimey." Missy was right, time wasn't always linear. And River was going through something. "So, what is she going through?" Clara asked. "Well... It's hard to explain. You will not live as long as we will. You will get old, die. We will eventually die, but not for many many years. I can't explain what it's like to see so many lifetimes. I can say that River is coming to terms." River tried to understand, she just needed time. "Dear, when you've lived as long as I have you see a thing or two." Missy said. "You have destroyed a thing or two you mean." River said. " Well, you're not wrong there. " "But I have seen my share of things. You just need to-" Was as far as Missy got before Clara shot her a look. "You'll be fine." Missy said. " Thank you. " River said, meaning it. Things got better, but it took a while. In the meantime life went on. And in the next chapter I'll tell you about how everyone shaved their heads.


	36. A head of lice

It all started when River brought lice into the cell. Donna was angry of course, and tried to keep it from becoming an infestation. But lice are not good at following the intentions of others and soon Missy and Clara had them as well. "River I'll kill you for this!" Missy declared as the fourth round of prescription shampoo sat in her hair. Clara would have shrugged off the desires to harm River, but the next thing made her plot a horrible end for River.

"I think the only thing left is to go at this with guns blazing." The doctor said. If River knew she could kill lice with a gun she would have gotten them sooner. "Not that kind of gun! It's a metaphor." Donna said, seeing the wheels turning in River's head. "Shaving! No hair, no lice."  
River gulped. She didn't want to lose her hair, but she hated scratching her scalp. The biggest problem was what would Missy and Clara do when they found out?

"Killing you is too good! You should be starved!" Missy declared. Clara was usually against this treatment but not today. Oh,no. Clara had her own ideas on killing River. Each one horrible. And once all three were bald, River found out just how angry Clara could get. 

Donna broke up the fight, and noticed that somehow, Clara had wiped the floor with River. "You'll get no sympathy from me!" She said as she gently chastised Clara. After Missy took a turn at removing River from existence, River was placed on the bench outside the cell. "Serves you right, bringing vermin in like that!" Yas said. River just mumbled something through a swollen jaw. It didn't matter, nobody was going to pay attention to her anyway. The night was miserable and long. Too long in River's opinion.

Donna brought warm hats in the morning. "It's cold out, you need to stay warm." She said. Every day while their hair grew back Donna switched each hat for one she had washed. With the lice gone and hair finally on their heads, winter arrived. This brought about a change in more than just weather. Stick around and in the next chapter you'll read about winter clothes


	37. Winter clothing

"My sweater is too small." Missy said. "That's because it's my sweater" Clara explained. "These aren't my socks!" River complained. "No dear, those are mine." Missy said. Winter was coming fast and Donna was handing out warm clothing. Unfortunately the things were all mixed up and since Clara was the only one who actually looked at the names on things, she was the only one who wasn't complaining. "You know, all you have to do is look at the names on the items and you'll know who's is who's." She said. " Oh, yeah. That makes sense. " Missy said.  
Every article of clothing had their last name and number imprinted somewhere. If they remained careful, all the clothing would end up with the right owner.

Donna had unceremoniously dumped the three boxes of clothing in the cell. "I don't know how it all got messed up, but it did. Every year I place these boxes away nice and neatly, and every year they get rifled through and mixed up. I honestly am surprised I don't find mice living in them!" She said. "Well, if they try, one good whiff of Missy's socks would send them away." River said. " Are you implying I have foot problems? " Missy asked, narrowing her eyes. It was never a good idea to suggest a Time Lord had something wrong with them. River knew this and still kept pressing Missy every chance she got. "Why haven't I killed all humanity?" Missy mumbled. Her feet didn't smell bad, actually she was very hygienic. Too clean if you asked River. Overdone if you asked Clara. Anal if you asked Donna. Now that all the warm clothing was placed away, Donna relaxed. She didn't have to sort out any more socks or scarves. All was set, and not a moment too soon. That evening the sky dumped buckets of snow on the ground. "I'm glad to see you had the forethought to supply extra blankets." Yas said as she settled in for an evening of winter. "Remember last winter? I'm not repeating that!" Donna said as she left. By ten thirty Clara was asleep, River was reading, and Missy wouldn't calm down. " Missy, please, for the fifteenth time, go to bed! " Yas pleaded. Missy was tired but she didn't want sleep. "My feet are perfect!" Missy said and Yas reassured her that they were. "Fine I'll go to bed." " Good night Missy. " Yas said, settling in with some tea, it was going to be a good night.


	38. Sad

Clara was crying again. "Oh, for the love of- again?" Missy asked. " Missy! Not today! Go find a book or something. " River said, comforting the upset inmate. "I want m-m-my mummy!" Clara sobbed. " I know, dear. I know. " River comforted. Why exactly was Clara so upset? It was the anniversary of her mother's death. "I know, sweetie, it's alright." River soothed. She understood.

All day Missy teased and all day River deflected. All day Donna helped comfort the distressed Clara. "I think a nap might help." Donna said, noticing how tired and worn Clara looked. Crying had drained her energy. "I wouldn't be that upset over losing my mother! Here died years ago." Missy said. River suddenly blacked out.

When she came to, River was Missy lying in a pool of blood. River was in a straight jacket. Clara had woken up and looked frightened. "Missy will be fine, no thanks to you!" Donna said.  
The medics removed Missy and Donna went about cleaning up. "River Song, I'll kill you for this!" Donna said. She didn't really mean it, she didn't have the heart. Once the cell was clean, Donna comforted Clara. "It's all over now. Please, don't be frightened." Clara hugged Donna tightly.

" River you are lucky I don't have you put in phych! " Donna said. But just because Donna didn't put her there didn't mean that someone else wouldn't. And someone else did! Before River could even think about anything, someone had her sent to psych. Missy woke up with a headache. And a massive cast on her arm. "What happened to me?" She croaked. " Inmate Song beat you. How are you feeling? " A nurse asked. "I... Hurt." Missy gasped. " Water? Please? " The nurse helped her with the cup. "You are staying in medical for the next few days. Enjoy the vacation from your cell." The nurse left her to rest. " Why am I in a hold? " River asked. "You almost killed another inmate! Where do you think you should be?" Asked a guard. "Well, not here if you really want to know. I need to be in my cell!" " Sorry, not happening! " Clara was beside herself. She just wanted her mum. Now she didn't even have River to comfort her. "I want River." She said. " I do too. " Donna replied. "I want to bring her back and kill her for what she did." Donna thought. It took some talking, and calling in a few favors, but eventually River was back in the cell. " Missy will be a few days yet. They want to keep her for observation. " Donna said. And that was the moment the phone rang. "I don't care how you do it, but PLEASE take Missy back." A distraught nurse begged. "She'll be here in a few minutes." Donna said to the stunned inmates. And when Missy returned she looked quite ridiculous in her cast. Really, they didn't have to secure it like they did. But for all intents and purposes, Missy now had a hand in the air. Clara laughed. "It isn't funny!" Missy said. " Oh, I get to differ. You look so pathetic! " Clara laughed some more. Catching sight of herself in the bathroom mirror, Missy laughed as well. Donna was so happy her charges were laughing instead of crying. She even talked Yas into letting them stay up until eleven. And so their day ended in a brighter note than it began.


	39. Enough

Clara woke cold and wet. Missy had just poured water over her and was laughing. "Enjoy the free bath?" She asked. Clara was up and trying to pummel Missy in a flash. "No. No, we don't hit." River said as she restrained Clara. But Clara had had enough. "You've hit her plenty, why can't I?" Clara replied. "Stop mothering me! Let me go!" Yas entered the cell and broke up the struggle. " River, go back to bed. Missy, stay where you are! Clara are you okay? " "Oh, sure, ask her if she's okay. Nothing about Missy being hurt, oh no! Clara can't get hurt." Missy mocked. " You are in enough trouble already, do you want more? " Yas was not happy.

After fixing the bed and finding Clara some clean pajamas, Yas out her back to bed. "Now, Missy! You are in trouble." " Whatever for? I didn't do anything. How was I supposed to know she wet the bed? " Missy feigned innocence. "You know good and well what you did. And last I checked the bladder wasn't located near the head! You are going to bed and Donna will deal with you in the morning." 

" Why can't I beat up Missy? " Asked Clara. "Sweetie, if I let you beat her you would be very sorry. She already has it out for you. And do you really want solitary? Because you'll either go there or medical. Do you really want to find out what she can do?" "I already know what she can do! River, let me take her out!" " No! She would have you in a coma. " River was right, Missy would take out Clara if she fought. But Clara was frustrated. Donna was unhappy, but not angry. "I suppose I should have expected this sooner or later." She said. " Missy, I don't think I can do anything that will make a difference. If shocking you would help I'd do it. But nothing will change you. Leave everyone alone, please. You caused enough mischief for one week. " Missy felt she got off easy. In reality, it was very much the opposite. Clara planned. She planned all day long. Finally, she had the perfect opportunity. A few laxatives in Missy's dinner and the stage was set. In the morning, Missy looked horrible. "I haven't slept a wink! I spent all night in the bathroom!" Clara smirked. " Feeling any better? " "No! Now, if you'll excuse me, the bathroom is calling!" Missy ran back in, slamming the door. Clara laughed. "Serves you right for waking me up with water!" She said. " What did you do? " River asked. "A little revenge. And she thinks she ate something bad!" " Clara, you devious little devil! I might have plans for you. "


	40. Time and teeth

It was spaghetti and meatballs night and Missy had barely touched her food. Usually she ate all of her's and tried to steal Clara and River's. "Missy, are you okay? You haven't even tried stealing my food." River asked. " mmm ine. " ( I'm fine)"If you continue to talk like that someone might think you were having mouth trouble again." River replied. " Lee me ee! " (leave me be.) "Donna, Missy needs the dentist to give her dentures." River sang. 

Time Lords are so picky about their teeth, and after the last trip to the dentist Missy was not happy about going again. The only thing was, as picky as Time Lords are, they tend to have teeth pulled regularly. Lucky for them, all teeth regrow. It just took a very long time. So although it was about a year since the last extraction Missy was still missing teeth. "I hate to say it, but you are going to lose four teeth today." Said the dentist. Missy almost had twin coronaries! "That will only leave me with..." " I know. I can give you dentures until your teeth come in. " "No! Ooooooooooh!" Missy groaned. "Let's get this patient under." And after a hefty Time Lord does of laughing gas , Missy was out. "Where... How..." Missy woke to find herself in bed. " How did I get here? " She mumbled. "Hey, you must have had a great time, I have never heard you try and talk so much." Clara said. "They ended up taking six teeth instead of four. But you get all the ice cream you want." That wasn't enough to dull the ache. " Don 't want any. " Missy said with sadness in her voice. Missy not want Ice cream? A Time Lord not wanting Ice cream was serious. "Someone gave you a get well package. " Clara said. She knew better than to mention the Doctor by name. "She send more pictures from my mother?" " No. But apparently you like someone called Counselor Carl? " Missy's eyes out up. Counselor Carl was her favorite character! Growing up, both the Doctor and Missy had loved Counselor Carl. The Time Lord counselor who solved problems with logic and reason. They each had collections of cards, toys, and comics. Even their bedsheets had the man in the neutral colored robes on them. Missy didn't know the Doctor kept any of those things. Apparently she did! And the entire play set and collections awaited. Some issues Missy never read, and a few play sets were new too. "Someone cares for you. Oh, and this came too." For someone who never got mail Missy sure was popular. A pink card covered in glitter. " The tooth fairy? I thought I killed her years ago. " "Lifespan of fairies is tricky." River said. "Apparently there are no hard feelings because she sent you a card." " Well... A thank you card is not what I expected. " Missy said. "Dear Missy, thanks for taking out my sister! She was a real pain in the tooth! Here's a little appreciation and get well gift. Thanks for the teeth! Now I can finish the new addition." Well, a thank you card? This was new. "Missy, are you sure you don't want chocolate ice cream?" Clara asked. "A bite might not hurt." And when a Time Lord says " bite" of ice cream they mean keep it coming. It wasn't any wonder they had so many teeth. No matter how good you are ice cream will always do you in! Unless you use common sense and eat it in moderation.


	41. Can Missy be good?

"Missy, are you okay?" Donna asked one morning. Missy was up and ready with a perfectly made bed. All before seven. "Nobody else is even up yet. Why are you?" " I couldn't sleep. "  
It was true, Time Lord sleep habits were a little funny. Missy had adjusted as best she could, but she still had bouts of insomnia. This wasn't that. Missy had a normal night of sleep and was just awake. "Donna? Could I please have a piece of paper and a pencil? I want to write my mother." Missy never asked for anything. She took what she wanted and she never wrote anyone. " Right after you see a doctor. I think you caught something. " 

Donna was wrong. "Missy is perfectly fine! Even her teeth are starting to come in." The doctor said. Donna almost died. River was suspicious when Missy offered her the first bowl of food.  
"What's wrong with it? What did you do?" She asked. " I am just being nice. " Missy replied.  
"Just being nice my foot! You did something!" " Song! Get your breakfast. Don't let it get  
cold. " The guard said. "Fine!" River acquiesced.

"Hey! Be nice!" Missy scolded River. "Stop picking on Clara." River was enjoying annoying her friend and wasn't too pleased with Missy. " I'm only playing. " River defended herself. "Clara, want me to read you some Counselor Carl?" Missy asked. Missy never offered this, usually River did that. " Alright. " Clara said. This was surprising, Missy was allowing River to check her books out first. "Exactly who are you and what have you done with Missy?" River asked. Donna wanted to know the same thing. This was way too nice. Missy was up to something. Suddenly Missy wasn't talking anymore. Suddenly everything changed. Donna woke up in a sweat. "It was only a dream!" She said. Just to make sure all really was normal, she called Yas. " Yes, Missy gave me a hassle. No, she isn't awake, but if you want, I'll wake her. " "No. Don't wake her. As long as she isn't good." " Well, I can assure you that Santa will not be bringing her more than rocks for Christmas. " Donna sighed. In the morning, Missy was crabby. "I want to sleep!" She groused. She grabbed the first bowl she saw and managed to shove half her breakfast in her mouth before she sat down. Missy was rude and annoying all day and Donna was happy about that. Missy was Missy. Donna could live with that.


	42. Rats!

River woke to a pain in her hand. "Ouch!" She cried. Looking down she saw two beady little eyes and a set of whiskers. " RAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT! " She screamed, jumping out of bed, waking her cell mates, and alerting Yas all at the same time. "What's wrong? What's happening?  
Is everyone alright?" Yas asked, afraid something bad happened. River, Missy, and Clara were all standing on Missy's bed. River pointed to her bed. Yas screamed and ran out. 

" GET ME DOGS! I NEED AN EXTERMINATOR! GET THE ARMY! CALL THE RIOT SQUAD! WE HAVE A RAT! " Yas barked in the phone. The stunned guard placed a call. "Warden, we have a problem." And when the warden showed up in jeans and a hoodie, Yas calmed down a little. A doctor gave River a few shots and bandaged her hand. "Let's see about getting rid of this abomination." The warden said. 

Donna would have called in sick if she knew, which is why Yas didn't tell her. And when she showed up for work she almost fainted. " Oh,no! No! No rats! " Donna wasn't joking. "Does this mean we can get a pet?" River asked. "NO! I hope you didn't bring that disgusting thing in here just to try and get a pet." Well, the thought had crossed River's mind. But she didn't like rats and she wasn't that desperate for company. " No, I didn't. And it BIT me! " River held out her hand. "I'll have an exterminator in to see the damage." The warden said.

The man in a green suit said "You have an infestation of rats! I've never seen this before, but there's a first time for everything I guess. Now, traps and poison work great. A trained dog also does well. I charge £50 and Bingo charges three bones per hour. The most efficient way would be traps and poison." None of these were appealing. Missy and River around traps and poison was always bad. Bingo might work, but how many were there? Could he catch them all? "Let's start with some traps. It's a bad idea, but I can't allow the dog in the cell."

" If you DARE touch those traps I'll kill you myself! " Donna threatened. Yas seconded it that evening. And when Yas showed Missy how one worked, she wanted to watch the trap kill a rat. "Missy, rats don't like people. And I'm pretty sure that includes Time Lords. You need sleep." Missy was half asleep already, River having woken everyone up so early. Soon, only Yas was awake.

'SNAP!' Yas looked at the trap by her desk. "So you thought you would come out and play, mr. Rat!? Guess you picked the wrong place to live." " What was that? Did you catch him? " Missy asked. The trap woke her up. River wasn't too far behind. "Oh, that rat is dead!" Yas declared.  
'Snap!' "Another one! How many are there?" River asked. " Well, I have been told that where there is one rat there is usually more. " Yas said. "Well, this is just great! We could have a colony!" River flipped. A colony was more than she could handle. "Alright River, calm down. I didn't mean a full colony." Yas said. "Maybe only four or five." If there was one thing River hated it was rats! All rodents really. " GET them OUT! " She demanded. "Well, we just got two. Maybe if we reset the traps we can get more." Yas suggested. By the end of the week the rats were all gone. The exterminator declared the place rodent free. A group of very happy get extremely tired inmates and two weary guards all went to bed. The weekend staff could deal with anything that came up. Nothing did, all three inmates slept most of the weekend and the guards just didn't care. "Everyone is well behaved, you think the rats had anything to do with it?" Asked one guard. " Of course! But don't say anything, people may get ideas. " Replied the other. "As long as they are behaved I don't care how they got that way."


	43. Please come out

"Clara please, come out. This isn't like you." Donna coaxed. Clara was under her bed and had been refusing to come out for over an hour. "What happened? Did YOU do something to her, Missy?" Donna looked at the woman accusingly. "Why do you think that? What would I possibly say that could scare her so much. It's not like she can't take a joke!" Of course, Clara could take a joke! But ones that happened to include bodily harm were no joke where Missy was concerned. " Well, you did tell her you would eat her for breakfast. 'Human fingers are  
delicious ' You said. And then you told her how-" "Alright River. That's enough of an explanation, thank you. "Missy, you are very much in trouble." River seemed gleeful hearing Donna say this. "River, you forgot to mention how you wanted to turn her into an articulated skeleton. With detailed procedure!" Missy countered. " Oh ho! Now I see, you BOTH are in trouble. " Donna said. She just had to come up with a punishment that was justifiable. "Then YOU told her how great the black market organ trade is." River shot back. 

Donna didn't blame Clara for hiding under her bed. If anyone was actually willing to do those things it was River and Missy. She would be hiding too if she had to live with them full time. "Since you two have such an affinity for the human body why don't you spend the day doing something nice and cleaning up after people sound perfect. The bathrooms need full hose downs and nobody wants to do it. You are so interested in bodily fluids I think YOU should be the ones to do it!" This was perfect! The bathrooms would get clean and Missy and River would hate it. Clara would get a nice reprieve and two very big very angry guards could watch the two clean. Donna would have an easy day, it was a win-win !

How was Donna to know Clara would not come out all day? How was Donna to know she would be coaxing food down Clara's throat? And she certainly didn't foresee Missy and River being done quite as fast as they were. "Sorry Noble, the word about them cleaning got around. Every other inmate volunteered to do it so they wouldn't have to be around these two." A guard said. " Don't put them in the cell! I need to search them first. " River and Missy were suddenly in even deeper trouble. "Drain cleaner? Really!? You didn't think I'd notice this?" Donna needed to somehow punish these two, but how?

" You two are sitting on that bench until I say otherwise! " Donna lectured. Once handcuffed and shackled to the bench with special mitts on their hands for extra protection, Donna went back to Clara. "Come out, please? You don't need to hide." " Leave me alone! " Clara said. "Well at least eat your lunch, okay?" Donna left a plate of food by the foot of the bed. "I see you got your pillow and blanket. You still can't be comfortable down there." And Clara wasn't comfortable. Actually she was very UNcomfortable. But knowing who was waiting outside her cell made being uncomfortable worth it. "You two really scared Clara. I hope you're happy!" Donna said. " River and Missy knew that they were in the wrong. But at the moment neither cared. "You two really are something! Scaring a poor innocent girl like that! How do you live with yourselves?" Yas lectured. It was getting close to lights out and Clara was still under the bed. " Well, I think I'll send you both to bed early. Maybe some more sleep will do you good. " Clara HAD to come out at some point. She had managed to make a few quick runs to the bathroom but always returned to the little nest she made. When Donna was her bolt the first time she thought all would return to normal. When it didn't she tried coaxing again. It still didn't work. By bedtime, Clara was cold and miserable. "You know, if you come out and go to bed you'll feel better." Yas said. This was true, and since Clara was beginning to cramp up she decided bed might not be a bad idea. Curling up in bed, she tried to stay awake. But being so worn out from worry made her drift off quickly. "Yes Donna, all three are sound asleep. I hope you have a better day tomorrow." Said Yas. Perhaps it would be better.


	44. River's pain

River wasn't herself. Actually, she was so out of sorts everyone noticed. "River, are you feeling well?" Clara asked. When no answer was forthcoming, she called Donna. "River? River! Can you hear me?" No response. "I'm getting a medic." Donna said as she left the cell. Usually River would have been more alert. She didn't seem to exist anymore. Even Missy worried.

In River's head a pounding so severe that she was disoriented was going on. Migraines didn't even come close to this level of pain. Everything from her head to her toes hurt. Every muscle, organ, and cell seemed painful. She couldn't hear anything because of the pain. Her whole world was disoriented and she was completely listless. Donna was very concerned when she heard River whimper as the medics put her on a stretcher. She hoped all would be okay. It was a good thing Donna couldn't go with them because River passed out very fast. River came to and found a doctor standing over her. "Hello, you gave everyone a nasty scare. I was glad to see you no longer have a fever today." " How long was I out for? " River was feeling better and no longer in pain. "Four days. You were very sick! I don't think anyone has ever come across anything like this. Where was your last visit to?" River couldn't remember. "I don't know. I don't remember anything." " Well, I hope you didn't give this to anyone else. That could be disastrous. " River was sent back with instructions to take it easy and get rest. Donna fussed over River. She plumped the pillow, tucked her in, have her some water, and caught herself before she kissed her forehead. "You two are to leave her alone, understood?" She instructed. If Donna said to leave River alone they left River alone! Soon River was asleep and Missy and Clara were putting a puzzle together. "Why is this puzzle so hard?" Clara asked. "Because most of it is sky. Why you humans think having a puzzle with lots of sky is a good idea I don't know. You could have so many other things." " We do. There is the one with the flowers, the one with the kittens, and that new mystery one. " The puzzle was getting close to finished when supper arrived. "River, supper time!" Donna woke her. " Do you want to eat? You must be hungry. " Donna was right, River was very hungry. And when she finished with her food she tried to beg some off Clara and Missy. "No! I want my chicken! You can't have it!" Missy said. " Don't touch my peas and carrots. " Clara threatened. "You are not getting any more food." River was too weak to argue. Besides, nobody wanted her getting them sick. When River was better, she was allowed outside. "If you feel bad, ask to come in." Donna said. " Sorry Donna, it's too cold for them to go out today. " Another guard said. "Missy, do you want to do that mystery puzzle instead?" Clara asked. "Join us, River. We need help with this one." Well, if they couldn't go out at least they could have fun.


	45. Caught

Clara tried it again! And of course, failed. "I'll teach you to run away!" A guard growled. He dragged her into the building and was about to throw her to a pack of guard dogs when Yas passed. "Officer, you have something of mine, I'd like it back now. Hand over the prisoner." Clara had never been so frightened. Yas brought her back to the cell, lecturing her the whole way. "You are lucky I found you before you became dog food." Clara had tried to climb the fence again and epically failed. Her uniform was torn and bloodied, her entire body covered in cuts. "And you're lucky I'll let you shower and maybe I won't set Missy and River on you. They would tease you about those wet trousers of yours." Of course, after almost becoming dog  
chow, anyone would have wet themselves. Clara hung her head. 

Donna was relieved. How Clara managed to make her break was beyond Donna. The new guards just weren't trained properly. "Clara Oswald! You are in so much trouble!" Donna threatened. When she got a closer look her demeanor changed. "Oh, you poor thing! Did the big scary guard hurt you?" " he was about to feed her to that pack of wolves they call "guard dogs." I happened by at the same time. " Yas said. "I don't think you'll try that again. So, go get cleaned up and Yas will do the rest." Missy and River stared at Clara. "Are you okay? You look like you need help." River said. " Just the shower and clean clothes. " Clara sniffled. Once she was clean and bandaged Yas handed her food. "You are lucky someone saved you a few bites of food. If Donna hadn't set aside a plate nothing would be left. Then you would go to bed hungry. Not the worst punishment in this case." Clara ate the cold food without complaint. Usually she would have wanted it at least partially warmed, but given how much trouble she was in this was good. Missy had noticed that Clara wet herself. Usually she would have mercilessly picked on her. But she actually felt bad for Clara and said nothing. River was more worried about how Clara was doing. The blood and tattered clothes gave her some idea of what went down, hearing about the dogs made her compassionate. "Sweetie, you can't escape. Stop trying. Next time Yas may not be there to rescue you. What would have happened if you were thrown to the dogs? Do you think you would be able to fend them off?" River cuddled her friend. " You need rest. If you need anything in the night please ask me. " Clara had a bad night. And an even rougher day. "Let me bandage your arms." Donna said as Clara was getting dressed. "You need ointment and a bandage change. Now come here and let me do it!" Clara agreed. It hurt having the bandages changed, but Donna just said " you brought this on yourself. " Clara knew she had and tried to remain quiet, but it was hard. "That old wire needs to be replaced. It's so rusted you'll be getting a tetanus shot." Clara didn't like needles. Why had she tried to run again? Why wasn't she content? But no amount of questioning could turn back time.

Clara sat on her bed and cried, she almost never cried. This was an exception. Missy and River understood, they felt the same way most of the time. When River could take no more of the heart wrenching sobs, she walked over and sat down. "You have every right to cry. You did nothing wrong, you shouldn't even be here. Not as a prisoner at least." River and Missy knew why they were there, and they both deserved it. Missy because... Missy was Missy and River because River killed someone important. She very much meant to get away with it but she got caught. Clara helped a friend, she didn't deserve to be there at all. River stroked her hair until the sobs subsided and Clara fell asleep. Things went from bad to worse when it was announced that there would be no yard time for any of them. "Not until they build a wall where the fence was. Thank you, Clara, you have finally given the warden an excuse to get that rusted fence replaced by a wall. This will make things easier for the guards. " Missy and River weren't happy. Seeing how horribly cut Clara was did soften the blow. "But it's winter. How will they build a wall in winter?" River asked. " They won't. Which means you all are stuck here until after spring starts. " Donna was right. But that meant the gymnasium was available. Which they weren't allowed to use. So the only thing they had was a new exercise schedule. "Why do we get in trouble when Clara tries to run but not when River does? " Missy asked. "Because River comes back. Clara won't." Donna was right and that was good enough.


	46. Accident

" River, it's okay, you don't have to apologize. Everyone has accidents every now and then. "  
Donna said, helping to clean up the mess on the floor. "You just have to go on with life. I'll get you a new bowl of porridge." Donna continued. River had never spilled her food before. Ever. But today she wasn't in the right frame of mind. She had slept fine. Clara ended up joining her but that wasn't too unusual. Whenever she had a nightmare, Clara would join River. This seemed to happen a lot since the last escape attempt. River didn't mind, she liked the extra warmth and comfort Clara brought. 

"River, you seem off today, are you feeling well?" Donna asked when River hit her head on the bars while tripping over her own two feet. "I'm fine. Just a little bit..." River couldn't think of the word. "Let me get you an ice pack." Donna handed over the item and River sat down.

"Missy, please be careful. You'll hurt-" "OUCH!" " Hurt yourself if you do  
that. " Donna sighed, today was not going well. "Missy, you can't walk around with your eyes closed. You aren't... Why am I even saying anything? You act like a child all the time! Please, don't do that. Need a band aid?" Donna asked, as Missy held her bleeding hand. " What is it with you? Are you all becoming butterfingers? " So far Clara had hit her head in the shower, River was a mess and now Missy was being...strange. Donna chalked it up to cabin fever.

Supper wasn't a hit. The food was usually bland, but not today! Oh, no. Today someone thought ten alarm chili would be a good idea. "Who on earth would do that? And it's more than a ten alarm, it's a twenty alarm." Donna said, tasting the food. "I'll see about some milk for you." She said, coughing her way out the door. Yas had been warned. Donna made sure to warn her that everyone was having accidents left and right. The problem was that she didn't say what kind of accidents. So when Yas got there she had brought three new uniforms and a box of laundry detergent. "You said accidents. You never said what kind. I just assumed... I should have asked." " No. I should have made it clear. Sorry about that. " Donna replied. "So, how many bandaids have you used today?" " 36. And they will probably get another few before bed. " "No horse play. Absolutely none." Yas was firm. A few hours later everyone was in bed. "You can't hurt yourselves if you are asleep." Yas said. Well... She wasn't about to stick around and see how River did it, but waking up with a black eye when nobody touched you was odd. But then, accidents will happen.


	47. Time Lord Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time Lords are finicky people with odd needs. Missy is one of the pickier ones. What happens when things start to get... Problematic?

If only the Doctor could have given out handbooks on Time Lord behavior. If only there were lists of things no to do to a Time Lord. Like make them hurry up when making their beds. If only someone had a list of what to feed a Time Lord, what not to feed them, how to make them feel comfortable, life would have been better. So it was a huge problem when Missy had regular coffee for the first time. The usual decaf was unavailable and nobody thought anything about it.  
But Time Lords don't drink coffee, they like tea and hot cocoa, Coffee is in general a bit strong.

"Donna, Missy is jumping on the bed!" River said one day. "Missy, your bed isn't for jumping on, get off." Donna replied. If the bed broke and Missy got hurt it was her own fault. "She's on MY BED!" Clarified River. " MISSY! GET DOWN NOW! " Jumping on her own bed was one thing, jumping on River's was completely different. "And stop running around!" Donna was annoyed. "River, why is she acting like this?" " Caffeine in the coffee. Time Lords don't drink much caffeine. Two hearts pumping faster than they should never ends well. " River was right, and Missy was exhausted in a short while. "I think you should sleep." Donna said. " I think you should call a doctor! Her hearts may not work too well after this. " River said. "She will be fine, nothing a bit of rest can't cure." The doctor said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Once Missy was put to bed, Clara tucked her in and said "I hope you feel better." " Why are you being so nice to me? I've tried to kill you so often it's not funny! " Missy was puzzled. "You are my friend. You have some good in you, deep down." How did Clara know this? Obviously it was wishful thinking. Or was it? Missy was too tired to think about morals and let Clara fuss over her.

"The Doctor sent you a get well present." River said later. " Your mother's spaghetti and meatballs with extra meatballs, just the way you like. " Missy was puzzled, why would the Doctor care how she felt? Was this a trick?  
No. The Doctor was never any good at tricks, any three year old could figure out her endgame. Well, any Time Tot could. Humans were different, even the slightest trick amused them. So why send anything at all? It had been ages and ages since Missy had her mother's spaghetti. Had it always been this good? And when did the Doctor learn to cook? "Don't worry sweetie, I helped her cook." River assured her. At least River was a good cook. The Doctor never could follow directions very well. She was still stuck on that play house for her kids. Well.. Great grandkids now. Missy enjoyed her supper, but her troubles weren't over. Missy spent a miserable night tossing and whimpering. Nightmares plagued her and the steady, constant beat of drums in her head drove her over the edge. "Missy! Let go! LET..." It took four men and six tasers to subdue Missy. " River! Are you alright? " Donna asked. Yas had alerted her to the problem and she came in bathrobe and slippers. Missy was attacking River in her sleep. She had started with Clara and suddenly switched. Donna and Yas made sure both inmates were alright before talking to Missy. Poor Missy. She didn't understand why she was in a straight jacket. She was sleeping one moment and being attacked the next. At least she THOUGHT that's what happened. Since this had never occurred before, Donna got the warden to go easy. "How can you punish someone for doing something in their sleep?" Donna asked. The warden knew that would either become an excuse or just be a one time thing. " Fine. But contain her, please. " "Yes, Warden Ruiz." Donna said. " Missy, you need to tell us what happened. " Donna coaxed. But Missy was at a loss for words. "How about I take off the jacket and we talk?" Donna suggested. Missy nodded, the pounding had lessened and her head was cleared. Once everything was said, Donna made a few calls. By now the sun was up and nobody was going to sleep.

"YOU TRIED TO KILL US! WE ARE NOT GOING TO LET YOU BACK IN HERE!" River screamed. Once she found her hearing was still intact, Donna explained. "Missy wasn't awake! She is now and has no intention of hurting anyone." River acquiesced. "Alright, but stay in your bed. Any move and I'll take you out!" Missy nodded, she didn't want to start trouble. All day Clara sat on River's bed, huddled in a corner. Missy made her so afraid she didn't want to move. When lunch came, nobody was hungry. By supper Donna was ready. "If you don't eat your food now I will make sure you get nothing but bread and water for a week! If I have to go in and spoon feed you I will!" All three ate enough to make Donna happy.

Missy was placed in a straight jacket as a precaution. Nobody wanted a repeat of last night. Yas hoped all would go well, but it didn't. Missy had scared the life out of Clara and River. Nightmares plagued River and Clara was so scared she wet the bed! She hasn't done that since she was five! River understood, Yas understood, Missy understood. She really had no idea what had gotten in to herself. By morning, all three were tired and cranky. Donna allowed them a few extra hours of sleep. She wasn't ready to spend a day with cranky inmates. When Breakfast came and toast was on the menu, Donna was Missy do something very odd. "NO!" Missy shouted as She threw her food at the bars. " MISSY! We don't throw food! We say 'no thank you'." Donna reprimanded. If the Doctor had been there even more food would have ended up on the floor. "Donna, Time Lords don't eat toast!" River stated. " They find it beyond offensive for some reason. It's just NOT a food they like. "Donna was surprised by this notion. "The first time the Doctor had it she threw it out the door of Amy's house. I think it's crazy, but even my children don't like toast. Well, a couple do. But most hate it. " "And yet fish Fingers and custard is a thing." Donna replied. "I know! And it's so unhealthy! they will, on occasion, eat salad. But not very often. Most healthy foods are disliked, and a few are tolerated. You have to sneak them food. Or make it a very complex and special way." This was in addition to all the other things one had to remember. Missy was miserable until Clara said, "Let's build a Counselor Carl set. " The Doctor had recently sent a huge set. One they never had as kids but always wanted. "Why would you want to do anything with me? I tried to kill you, and made you wet the bed. You haven't said one bad word to me, why? " Missy was very puzzled. Clara said "I like you as a friend. I think you have some good, deep down. So you made me wet the bed, so what? We are both still alive. And you haven't exactly been yourself since the caffeine incident. You are you, and even you deserve a friend. " Missy almost cried. She had not been told that in so very long. She was worth something to someone, and it wasn't for their own purposes! Maybe humans weren't all bad. "You want to build the Office of Reflection first?" Missy asked with a smile.


	48. Christmas

Missy was known for being bad. As a matter of fact, she was so bad Santa wouldn't even leave her coal! The Krampus wouldn't even visit, she was too awful for him! Which was a first. Santa would give her rocks if she didn't throw them, coal was expensive, and sticks were out of the question. Three small stockings were hung, but only Clara could participate. She decided that since it wasn't fair she could go without. River usually got a little candy, she didn't share.

But this year, Santa sent Missy a note. "Dear Missy,you have been on my naughty list for so long I don't remember giving you anything ever! Krampus has become scared of your Cybermen. (As you know, he doesn't scare easily.) You make the Grinch seem like a jolly fellow BEFORE his heart grew. The few (and there are only a handful of) people who have made my No Contact List are extremely bad. You have ONE LAST CHANCE to truly change before I erase your name forever. " "This is a joke, Right? River? Clara? Someone?" Missy tried, nobody was laughing. " Is there a way to get on his nice list? " Missy asked. "Well, he did say you have a chance, and it is only December second. Let's see how we can help you be good." Donna said. "River, you could use some help cleaning the bathroom. " River didn't want help, but this was an emergency. "Alright, that's a start." River set Missy to work cleaning the shower tiles. Missy stayed at it all morning until every last bit of grout and tile was clean. "A good start, but it's a long way from being good enough for Santa." Donna said.

Missy didn't complain when Donna took them all for flu shots, or when she had to get up early because a pipe burst. She didn't argue when her breakfast was cold. She even let everyone else go first. Missy even got the Doctor a Christmas present. And not a mean one either! "Do you think she'll like the erector set?" Missy asked. " I know she'll love it! Just what she has been hinting at for the last three hundred years. " River replied.

But Missy still felt off. She did every possible thing she could and four days before Christmas she finally broke. "I can't take it anymore! I'm losing my mind!" " How can you lose something you never had? " River quipped. "RIVER! That wasn't nice. Missy has been trying hard all month! You could take a lesson from her." Donna admonished. "I'm sorry." River said, trying to sound more contrite than she felt. 

Christmas morning brought substitute guards and a special breakfast. Nobody would see Donna or Yas until after the new year, and they had better be good. Missy behaved as best as she could. But nothing happened. She tried to be good, but the guard always found fault. She didn't make her bed right. Of course it was made right, they just hated her. She suddenly became a second class citizen. (A very difficult thing to do when incarcerated) And with nobody wanting trouble, she was stuck.

Donna and Yas finally returned and nobody was happier to see them than Missy. Things went back to normal and Missy didn't understand what had happened. A letter arrived in the mail, it was from Santa. "Dear Missy, congratulations! You passed my test. I did not think you had it in you. Even Krampus cried when he read about your behavior. For being so good, you get the choice of a cell of your own, or staying where you are. Santa"

Missy wanted her own cell, but leaving her friends was not. She said " Donna, if you don't mind,I'd like to stay where I am. " Donna smiled, she couldn't have asked for a better answer if she tried.


	49. River's Hobby

Nobody knew why River knit, but she did. Not even Amy knew, and Amy knew almost everything about her daughter. River made all sorts of things, baby blankets, booties, hats, mittens, sweaters, scarves, socks, pillows, and many other things. Her family was very warm, and so were many friends. Clara and Missy were warmer than ever, and nobody minded that. The cell was full of knitting, many things had been donated and every shelter, school, hospital, nursing home, prison, jail, fire house, police station, red cross center, and crisis pregnancy center was completely full of knitted goods.

"The children enjoyed the sweaters and toys you sent. But please, no more! We have so many things now that the storage room is full." Said the head of the local children's home. " Alright, sister. I'll let her know. " Donna said as she hung up the phone. "River you need a new hobby! And no, crocheting isn't on the list. Neither is sewing, carving, or anything dangerous. Maybe you could..." Donna was out of ideas. " Perhaps you put your yarn on to the side and try your hand at 3D puzzles? " Clara said. "No, Missy, you don't get to knock them down, steal the pieces, or do anything else to annoy River. Unless you want to wear sweaters all the time." Clara threatened. "What is this puzzle supposed to be?" Asked River. " A lighthouse. " Donna said. I thought you could start with an easy one and see how it goes from there. " River didn't like the puzzle. She liked the excavation sets the Doctor brought. But Donna confiscated those because they were too messy. Sewing was out. Or was it? River convinced Donna to let her try.

"How about needle point?" Donna asked. "Donna, you might be on to something, a nice pillow should take... About three months." Clara said. River had an intricate pattern of birds and flowers and started her new project on monday. By Friday it was finished and she was bored again. " How? You must have? Are you? Oh, never mind. Here! It has been decided that you may clean the old workshop. It should keep you well occupied for the time being. " Donna said. She didn't understand how River did it. Where was she hiding the elves she surely hired? The first project was clearing a path. The monumental amount of junk and trash astounded River. "Old uniforms, broken furniture, coffee cups from who knows when. I think I just found a dead.... Animal? Well, whatever it is, it's dead. Who keeps books in this condition?" The place needed a good long clean. Everyone got to work. By the end of the day they had made some progress. But Donna noticed Clara sneeze. "Allergic?" A nod and sneeze was all she got in reply. It took three days of hard work to get the room clean. After sorting and cleaning the tools, Clara was allowed to sharpen them. "How long do you think it will take us to finish this?" Missy asked as she carefully placed hammers and saws in their proper place. "Next year, five years from now. Does it really matter? We are out of the cell." Clara replied. In three weeks the room looked perfect and nothing was stolen. (Donna was surprised by that.) "Lets get you three in the shower and feed you supper. " Donna was tired of the cleaning. "And River, how are you at rug braiding?" River had never tried that, but it sure sounded fun to her. A new adventure, and a new headache for everyone else.


	50. A Testy Time Lord Temper Tantrum

Missy woke in a bad mood. She was even more angry than usual. Instead of just pushing her cell mates to the side, she started to hit them instead. "Missy! You let her go now!" Donna said when she saw poor Clara turning blue. "No strangling!" Donna admonished. Missy didn't care, she could still make everyone's life hell. And she did just that!

"Hey! That's MY breakfast." River complained, Missy pretended not to hear. She just took the bowl and poured it over River's head. That started a fight, and Donna wasn't about to spend her day in medical. She used two of the strongest tasers she had and took Missy down. "We eat our own food here. You can cool your heels on the bench." Missy hated this. Now she had nothing to do but allow River to tease her.

"Feeling stuck?" River mocked. " No need to sit down on the job. You can just bench press your way out of this. " "River, you are so hilarious you should have been called 'chuckles '. Now, leave Missy alone and do whatever it was you were doing." Donna said. River went back to making a new scarf for the Doctor. She had already finished the hat and mittens. One sonic cozy, a pair of socks, and a warm sweater would see her beloved through almost anything.

River  
Had a list of people to knit for. Usually she knitted using a fine all natural fiber known for holding up to wear and tear. Her family all had warm things and so did her friends. She was nice enough to make Missy and Clara a few objects such as socks and afghans. Donna, Yas, and Warden Ruiz all had things River knitted for them. 

But while River could be trusted to use a pair of needles, Missy was the exact opposite. Nobody trusted her with so much as a plastic spork. But she was allowed some things. Counselor Carl play sets were harmless as long as Missy didn't get too involved in the story. And while she could read and draw and color to her hearts content, she was still watched like a child who just learned to walk.

After an hour or so, Missy was sent back and told to behave. Of course she only half listened. She was good for a whole hour before something happened.  
"YOU RUINED MY LAYOUT! NOW I HAVE TO START AGAIN AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" She yelled at Clara. Poor Clara had done nothing, she just went to get some water and was no where near Missy. "Missy, I'm on the other side of the cell. I didn't do anything." Missy didn't care and tried to hurt Clara, only for River to step in and play referee. " Clara, go back to your reading. Missy, you know-" But Missy choked River midsentence. Knowing what was about to ocvur, Donna grabbed a thick leather strap. She hated using it but sometimes it was the only way to get attention. Besides, she was out of tasers. 

"Missy, put her down before I make you." Donna said. Time Lords have very sensitive skin and Missy was no different. Being tasered was like being on fire. The belt was terrible and so was every other punishment. Today was not a good day to be from Gallifrey. Missy let River go. "That's better! Behave or you'll find yourself in a world of pain!" Donna threatened.

Soon, Missy was going at Clara again and when she couldn't take anymore, Missy did something odd. She sat down on the floor and cried. After several moments, River worked up the courage to ask, "What's the matter?" Missy didn't answer. River shrugged and went back to knitting. Clara wasn't going to get near Missy, she knew very well how tricky she could be. So Missy was left alone. She was unhappy, but nobody paid any attention. During dinner, Missy was silent. She may not have used her voice, but she made her feelings plain. She ate almost nothing and even refused to pick on Clara. "I think it's going to be an early night for Missy." Donna said before she left. " But I don't want to go to bed! I want to... To... " Missy didn't know what she wanted and relented. "River, Clara, that means you too." Said Yas. An easy night was ahead for Yas. Missy slept like a rock. And woke up feeling more like herself. Everyone was just happy to have her back and nobody said anything. " Well, if that's how you play it, I'll throw tantrums more often. " Missy thought.


	51. Missy watches Clara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River is out and Clara is sick. How will Missy cope?

"Stay in your bed, dear." Missy said. "Missy, you aren't a guard you can't tell me what to do!" Clara said. She was stuck in bed with a broken leg and three broken ribs, courtesy of a fall. River was away seeing her newest grandbaby and Missy was keeping an eye on Clara for her. Donna was watching of course, but she couldn't be in the cell every moment and Missy was right there. Clara had a very bulky cast going up her leg to her hip. She was put in bed and told not to leave. "Missy, could you please bring me some water?" She asked. Missy did, and tried to fluff up the pillows propping up Clara's leg. " Ow! Oh! That hurts, Missy! " Clara said. "But your leg feels better now that the pillows are fluffed, right?" Clara had to admit it was true. River was with her second youngest Holly, and her newest baby. Well babies as it was. Because of how many heartbeats there were nobody had been truly sure how many she was having. It was triplets. A rarity for Time Lords, but not unheard of. The Doctor was there to lend a hand or something. She was very excited about this. They both were going to stay as long as they were welcome. Especially with the four other grandkids. Holly was surprised, her husband was surprised, The Doctor was not surprised. "I could have told you how many." She said. " That's not necessarily true, dad. " Holly said. Although physically female, the Doctor was known as 'dad' and 'grandpa'. Everyone found it easier and the Doctor didn't mind. She could have been called chopped liver and she wouldn't have cared. "River, do you think that-" River cut off her wife. "No! I've been through the change already and I am not raising another. Now, where are those grandkids?" Missy wasn't the worst nurse. She wasn't the best either. But she was better than many. She fluffed pillows, helped the nurse with her daily visits, and even gave Clara a reading of Counselor Carl. For some reason it seemed that humans didn't enjoy the hero the same way Time Lords did. And what was this thing called "C-SPAN"? She wondered. "Alright, you like that stupid moron called Wayne Bruce." Missy said. " No. It's Bruce Wayne and he's Batman. " Clara corrected. "Whatever. Do you want me to read about him?" Missy was being nice and Clara wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Or, I could just tuck you in for the night." Yas said. "It's after ten and you need sleep, Clara." She said.

Missy surprised Clara and Yas. She made sure Clara was comfortable and warm enough as she tucked her in. She even was very gentle around Clara's injuries. Clara didn't know what to say, Missy rarely showed this side of herself. Actually, nobody knew she even had a tender side. "If you tell River or anyone else about this, I'll kill you!" She growled. River had been incarcerated a lot longer than Clara and already knew Mssy had a nice side. She just never paid any mind to it. 

Missy was busy taking very good care of Clara. Such good care that Donna had to say "Missy, I think Clara would be more comfortable if the nurse helped her with that." She was right. Clara may have to live with Missy,but she still preferred a nurse to help with some things. Sometimes a stranger is better than a friend. Missy understood. But she was there when Clara finished and was once again in bed. A few days later, River came back. She tried to sneak a few grandkids on the TARDIS, but every single adult said 'NO!' Seeing as the place was still standing and only one person was laid up, she felt happy. River told of the adventures she had and of the new baby. But Donna had to stop her before she made Clara laugh too hard. "River, you can't tell those stories yet. In a few weeks when the ribs have healed." Donna said, she wanted to hear about the games of "Time Lords and Daleks" and the massive chalk drawing on the TARDIS. But Clara was hurt and movement wasn't good for those ribs. "In three weeks you may tell us all about it." Donna said. " Write it down so you won't forget. " River did, and when she got a chance to tell it, everyone laughed so hard they almost broke their own ribs.


	52. Good Night? Maybe.....not.

It was well after eleven and Yas was enjoying a cup of tea. The quiet of the small unit was nice and relaxing. But, of course, that came to an abrupt end. Clara was suddenly standing at the bars, looking for into the distance. "Clara? Are you alright? Clara? Clara?" It took a moment for Yas to understand that Clara was still sound asleep. Sleep walking. This was new. She opened the cell and gently tried to guide her back to bed. But whatever Clara was dreaming about must have been awful. For just when she touched her, Clara bit Yas. 

"No! No! No! No! Stop! PLEASE!" Clara pleaded. She clawed Yas's face and tried to push her away. River awoke and ran to aid Yas. "Clara, please wake up! You're having a nightmare." River pleaded to no avail. Missy suddenly threw water on Clara, effectively waking her. "Good! You're awake! Now let me sleep!" She said sharply. Clara was startled and unsure of where she was. " It's alright. You just had a really bad dream. Daleks? " River asked. Clara was shivering and crying. "Yas, some dry pajamas please." Leaving, Yas forgot she called in the cavalry. "It's alright, I just need a bandaid or two." She assured them. 

River went into mother mode. She bundled and tucked and fussed over Clara. "What is your problem Song? She is a grown woman, not a time tot!" Missy complained. "Missy, you just don't get empathy." River said. She patted Clara on the head and went back to her own bed. 

Things were quiet for a while, then it happened. A pipe started leaking above Missy's bed. By two it was also leaking onto Clara's. Both were awakened in time for a deluge of icy water as the pipe burst. Yas called Earl in maintenance and the pipe was turned off. "Those pipes are old. Too old. And I've told the warden so about a dozen times over the last year. I said they were ready to go but did anyone listen to me? No! I've worked here since I was young and I know when these things are bound to happen. Warden Ruiz is going to have a coronary! But I said last winter that the pipes need replacing with PVC. Anyways, you should be just fine in this old cell. It may not look like much, but you won't be getting sick in here." Yas thanked the man and got her inmates settled. " Sorry for the lack of accommodation, but at least you have a place to sleep. " She said. Well, that's about all this was. Three old fashioned cots were attached to the wall. A bucket was in a corner and nobody would have been surprised if Jesse James stayed there at some point. The mattresses were new, brought in by Yas. She wasn't about to let them sleep on the hard wood. After the night they all had, she just wished it was over. Making sure everyone was as comfortable as possible she sat down at the small desk brought in for her. Hopefully morning would come before anything else happened. Clara was shivering. She wished she could curl up with River but she didn't trust the beds. All she could do was huddle deeper under the blanket. But the one blanket wasn't enough. Yas noticed and brought three extra blankets, knowing River and Missy must be cold as well. She was not going to let them freeze! Finally, all three fell into an exhaustive sleep. Yas had never been happier to see Donna in her life. Of course Donna was concerned about everything and Yas gave her a rundown. "Go home. It's the weekend, enjoy." Donna sent Yas packing and got to work. She decided to leave everyone as they were. They all needed sleep and it wasn't like they had gotten much. She started making arrangements for better bedding and finding out how long the temporary lodgings would be needed. "Hard to say. The whole system needs replacing. But this is a prison and we can't just but the building and replace everything at once. Since you happen to reside in the basement anyways, I'll have a crew fix those first. Then you will be able to move back. My contractor said five to six weeks for those pipes. But I'll see what accommodation can be made. I think your prisoners need better living space than this." Donna thanked Earl and sat back. She just had to get through this patch and all would be well. But, of course , that would be too easy.


	53. Tight Squeeze

Missy was miserable, River was cranky, and Clara was in pain. Donna was just frazzled. The new living situation wasn't helpful and nobody was happy. "I'll see to a better arrangement." Donna said. She tried talking to the warden, no luck. " With the water damage and need for pipe replacement no other cell is available. Unless you want them in general. " Donna thought about that. The last time River was in general population she effectively incapacitated three other inmates and scared everyone else. Missy had killed four people in the first hour she was there. And ever since the escape attempt and fence fiasco Clara wasn't liked by the other inmates. "If they have to stay put can they at least get decent bedding?" Donna asked.

Soon all three had been moved to a tiny cell that barely had enough room for one person let alone three. "It's not permanent." Donna said. "And you have a real toilet and better beds" It was nothing but cold comfort for the three of them. Clara had never seen a triple bunk bed before. "I've seen a quadruple one." River said. " The Doctor went through a phase of loving bunk beds. He wanted me to put the kids in it! I told him that my children would not be placed in that death trap! Then it collapsed on itself. He never went over three beds again. " "He loved bunk beds when we were boys! Always trying to be the highest person in school. I snuck something in his lunch one day. He was higher than a kite for three days! It was definitely the highest high he ever had!" Missy laughed, River smacked her. " So you are the reason he failed that course! " She wasn't happy. "No. He did that all on his own. I made sure his holiday was spoiled." Missy clarified. " Next time, let me spike the food. She'll spend more than three days in a daze. " River said. She had no intention of slipping her wife a mickey unless she had to. (Which wasn't often.)

"We should have some rules if we are going to live here for who knows how long." Clara said. " Alright. As long as they are fair and practical. " River said. Missy didn't care, she would do her own thing. "How about a one person at a time rule when getting out of bed?" Clara offered. " Good suggestion! " River agreed. Missy was indifferent. Any rule they made would be alright as long as she didn't have to follow it. 

Once the rules were in place, it was time to choose beds. Missy wanted the top, Clara took the middle and River the bottom. Once everything was in place they settled down to naps. Donna was grateful they slept well. She hated seeing her inmates uncomfortable. They already lived a life of being watched and had no privacy. They deserved something good in life. Even if it was just a place to sleep. She never let them nap for more than an hour or so, they still needed to sleep all night. The disoriented trio had no idea how to maneuver around so they could eat in comfort. It took lots of shouting and moving before they were uncomfortably comfortable enough and then they ate in silence. They usually had some lively conversation over meals, but not today. No, they just ate their food. Yas was taken aback when she saw all three inmates were in bed. She was also surprised by the cell's size. As long as nobody moved an inch, everything should work. And for six months they all learned the ins and outs of living in what should have been a closet. When they finally went back to their own cell everyone was happy. The pipes were fixed, the new fence was almost finished, and new adventures awaited.


	54. Moving in

Just when everyone thought things were going to stay the way they were. Just as they all resigned themselves to a life of crawling over each other, their cell was fixed. "We can go back now!" Donna said happily. It had been six months and every pipe was replaced and the water damage cleaned. Finally! Back to their cell!

The whole unit was small, one large cell, a bench and desk outside it, isolation cell, and broom closet. The whole place smelled of fresh paint, and everything gleamed like new.Donna couldn't remove the manacles fast enough. "Alright, calm down and let me finish!" She said with a smile. She was happy to be back too. "Okay, enter!" She said as three people tried to enter the cell at once. "One at a time, please." She said. They filed in and were so happy to have their own beds back they all took a nap. Donna didn't expect this. But, she supposed, after the last six months they were happy to have their own beds back.

The next few days went by with surprisingly little trouble. Missy and River acted like civilised people, much to Donna's surprise. Clara was usually good and so Donna wasn't surprised by her. Donna and Yas watched as the politeness took them off guard. This getting along thing got old very fast. By day four Donna could take it no longer. "Please, please, PLEASE, misbehave! Yell, kick, punch, call each other names, anything!" She begged. Everyone look at each other and smiled. The realization that being in such close proximity for so long and then being allowed space had done wonders for their attitudes. Donna almost called for a doctor. But then, she had an idea. "Alright you three! Here!" Donna gave them a box. Curious, the three inmates looked at it. The box contained a puzzle. The cover had no picture and the pieces didn't interlock. This was going to be hard and Donna almost seemed happy at the prospect of them doing something together. It wasn't until Yas came on that things changed. "Missy, stop stealing the pieces!" River chided. " River, you knocked the puzzle again! Move your elbow out of the way! " Clara said. After twenty minutes of bickering and very little puzzle making, Yas said the magic word. "Bed! Now! All three of you." Everyone looked at the clock, it was going on lights out. Where had the time gone? Sleep seemed to come easily to all three. But as easily as it came, it went. At least for Clara. Soon River felt a tug on her shoulder. "Nightmare?" She asked. Clara nodded. "Weeping angels or daleks? " "cybermen" was the reply. " Alright, Get in. " Clara snuggled up to River. River missed having someone to share her bed with. A warm body was always helpful. Clara might not be her child, but she still treated her like one. Soon, Clara slept soundly and River fell into a deep sleep. Yas always found this arrangement strange. River wasn't generally one to show empathy. But for some reason it seemed natural. River had raised more than a few children and even a few grandchildren. Clara couldn't very well go to Missy. Missy would probably have killed her where she stood. Yas found her job entertaining. Donna was happy to hear the arguing. The puzzle worked wonders and the bickering signaled life becoming normal again. But Missy was about to meet with some trouble.


	55. Missy's Mishap

Missy and River were sitting on the bench outside the cell. Both looked horrible. Donna was beyond angry and Clara was crying. A fight had broken out over some trivial matter, and it got physical. River tried to stab Missy, who punched her in the eye. It was over in moments, but the floor was covered in blood and the doctor called. Donna soothed Clara, she had not only seen everything but a few blows fell on her too. "You are going to be fine. Here, have an ice pack." Donna handed the coveted item over. She never handed out ice packs. She had a drawer full but knew that if they were handed out too often there would be trouble. 

Missy and River were secured tightly and neither was offered much in the way of comfort. "You are old enough to know better!" Donna lectured, she couldn't do much else. Soon the doctor arrived and said "River, you have a broken nose and not much else. Some scrapes and cuts but nothing major. Missy, you are coming with me!" He led her to the medical bay. 

" You didn't give River much to worry about. But I want to feel your abdomen again. " Missy yelped when he touched her. A bruised spleen. "Bed. No moving around for a week, make that two." The doctor said. "River, no touching the splint!" River found the nose splint very irritating and was playing with it. Both were sent back to a very angry Donna and rather scared Clara. "You, to bed now!" Donna barked at Missy. She was in too much pain to protest. Donna sat River on the bench and tightly cuffed her there. "That hurts!" She cried. But Donna was too angry to care how much the cuffs pinched. The circulation wasn't cut off so River could jump in a lake. (Preferably a frozen one) Clara gingerly approached Missy. "Missy, are you alright?" She asked, not wanting to get too close in case this was a trick. " No. Leave me alone. " Missy sounded upset. "I hope you feel better." Clara said.

River was finally allowed back in the cell. By this time she was very cranky and tired. Her nose throbbed and her arms hurt. Missy was asleep and so was Clara.  
Donna had left Yas in charge and she had allowed the very weary inmate back into the cell. "You need sleep." She said. River went to bed and was sound asleep before her head hit the pillow. Being in bed was hard for Missy. She could do nothing but stare at the ceiling. Sure, she had books, but she was in too much pain to move and didn't want to concentrate. She found every other position painful and was flat on her back. She would have cried, but Missy didn't really know how. She wanted her life back. On the bright side, she could make her cell mates her slaves. "River, could you please get me some water?" She asked. "Clara could you bring me an extra pillow?" Where was Clara going to get that? Donna handed over the item requested. For some reason everyone was excited. Missy wanted in on the fun but being bed bound meant that she was left out. Or she would have been if River and Clara didn't make sure she knew what was happening. "The Doctor is coming!" River said as the TARDIS appeared. "You mean the Doctor is here. Just what I wanted." Missy said sarcastically. But when the Doctor came out with pizza Missy felt different. "Missy, I didn't forget you." Said the visitor. " Pickle and tuna, right? " River And Clara looked like they wanted to vomit. "It's alright, I made sure yours has pepperoni and extra cheese." The Doctor reassured them. " You remembered! Thank you! " Missy said. "I heard you are laid up so I thought a treat was in order. Yes, Donna i brought your pepper and mushroom, I didn't forget." "Doctor, this is perfect! How did you get this?" Asked Missy. "The usual place." Was the answer. "How Time Lords eat such strange things I'll never know!" Said Clara. "If you think that's funny, try raising kids with one!" River was right. She had the worst time getting them to eat normal food. " I had to ban jelly babies and custard cremes. It was terrible trying to get all of them to eat vegetables. I finally got them to like healthy foods. " "But what about Pizza?" Asked Clara. "I let them have a choice, cheese or pepperoni. They all preferred vegetable in the end so I let them have it more often." When she left, the Doctor made sure Missy was in happier spirits. If everything meant tuna and pickle pizza, she would gladly go through it all over again.


	56. New Guard

"Donna is taking over for the warden while she goes on vacation for a few weeks." Said Yas." You are getting a new guard in the morning. Please, I'm begging you, be good! " Everyone looked at each other, all very tired and ready to sleep. They all nodded half heartedly and Yas took that as a good sign. At least they weren't fighting. Waking up found someone else behind the desk. Clara and Missy had never seen this guard before, but River had. "What are you doing here?" She Asked. " Hello River, I'm happy to see you too. " "MUM!" River shouted. " I needed a job and this one was open. Besides, I get to spend time with my daughter. What could be better? " River sighed. This was a disaster. "River, make your bed again." Amy said. " It's fine mum, honest. " "No, it is not fine. Actually it's barely made. Please do it again! That goes for you too, Clara." Clara knew her bed wasn't fully made and went to adjust it. " So this is River's mother. " Thought Clara. "She looks too young. But , that's how things are I guess." Amy was happy to see her child again. River wasn't in the same boat. " Missy, wash your hands again please. " Amy said as Missy came out of the bathroom. " But I just washed them. " She complained. "Not nearly long enough! And use the soap." Missy could have killed the woman. But since they were separated by a set of reinforced bars she was stuck. She washed her hands again and Amy was satisfied. "River, take smaller bites please. And use your napkin, it's not there for show." Lunch was just great. Nothing like having someone tell you to wash your hands (Again.) Or to remind you to thoroughly chew your food! River resented her mother. She was acting like they were children. And no child had ever set foot in that prison. It just wasn't allowed. Clara tried to be good, but Amy seemed to find fault with everything. "Slow down, no need to run to the bathroom. You'll hurt yourself." "Say please and thank you." Missy didn't care how many times she was told something, if she didn't want to she wasn't going to. And that lead to her choking on lunch. Luckily River gave her the Heimlich. "That's what you get for eating too much too fast." Amy said. Missy took smaller bites after that.

The mood was quiet until Yas came. She had never seen anyone happier to see her than the inmates. "My mum should be home, not here!" River said. " Officer Pond is your mother? " This was news to her. "Yes! Of course she is! Haven't you seen the pictures my wife has hanging all over the place!?" It was true, the Doctor had pictures of her wife and in laws everywhere. Those spots that didn't hold pictures of them were filled with pictures of their children, grandkids, and artwork done by them. A picture of a flower was stuck to a bedroom door. The Doctor refused to remove it for sentimental reasons. Yas had asked about it once. A grandchild had made it and the Doctor loved the flower. Yas had three hyper inmates who, to her amazement, ruined their cell and would have removed the furniture had it not been bolted down! Yas wondered what had gotten into them. Usually they were almost perfect. They might squabble here and there, but they got along for the most part. Amy had them on such a tight leash all day that when she left all hell broke loose. It took Yas hours to get everyone calmed and in bed. By midnight everyone was asleep and Yas was drinking a very strong coffee. She couldn't wait for things to go back to normal. It was three weeks of pure torture,but everyone made it through. When Donna came back she noticed a change in the cell. Every bed was perfectly made, everyone was saying "please" and "thank you", everyone was well behaved. Too well behaved. "Knock it off!" Donna shouted. Noticing the change in guard, the inmates went right back to the fight they were always having. Donna didn't get involved. It was good to be back.


	57. Outside

Finally, after six months the exercise yard had a sturdy wall around it and everyone could spend time outside. Well, everyone but Clara. Because she had tried to escape through the yard on more than one occasion she was banned from going out. It was a beautiful day, the kind of day that begs for running around outside. Missy and River had two whole hours but Clara had to use the inside "exercise yard." It was an octagonal cell inside a bigger cell with large windows set in it. The light just reached her. Clara was understandably sad she could not join the others, but Donna reminded her she wasn't the only one. "Those little yellow and blue creatures can't leave their vacuum sealed chamber for more than three minutes. They can't get any natural light or they'll die. Why UNIT hasn't sent them to their own planet I'll never know." Donna said. " Oh, I brought you a new book. If you can't go out you can at least keep busy. " Clara thanked her. A new book was always a good. "If you want, you can help me file some paperwork." Donna said. A chance to get out of the cell, no matter how brief was a treat. And Clara knew River and Missy were never asked to help with this. " Warden Ruiz is giving you more responsibility. Do you think she wants you to take her place some day? " Clara asked. "I think she does. But if she happens to choose someone else that's alright as well. She has another ten maybe twenty years in her."

Missy and River weren't too pleased with the wall. Neither was anyone else. The view of grass and trees and pretty much anything resembling freedom was gone. Now all they had were blank concrete walls. It was like being inside but without the disinfectant smell. The chain link "roof" was the last straw, now everyone was upset. When Missy and River came back in they gave Clara the cold shoulder. No greetings or acknowledgments. They took her food at lunch and supper and even removed her bedding. (Yas made them give that back.) But they only gave back the minimum. Clara wasn't even given her usual goodnight. Now she felt really bad. She wasn't allowed outside and now she was hungry, cold, and friendless. Could things get worse? If course, in a few days Missy and River calmed down and things went back to normal. They told Clara about the new yard. Although she wasn't allowed out, Clara did find the exercise cell had advantages. No people to watch out for, no bugs to bother her, and it was quiet. Inside she could use the cell even in bad weather, and she even had peace and silence for at least part of the day. Clara grew to like the solitude it brought. But just when things seemed to be normal that would change in an instant.


	58. Uniforms

"Do we really have to wear these?" Missy asked, " They itch and I can't move my arms. " "Sorry Missy, you have to wear the new uniform, it's the rules." Donna said. The old uniforms had been grey and blue. They were nice and comfortable and well worn. A little too well worn for the warden's liking. Holes had been worn in most and some had lost buttons or stains. New uniforms had been needed.

Everyone was excited, new uniforms were rare. Missy and her cell mates could hardly believe they would be able to wear better clothing. They looked so shabby they could almost be mistaken for hobos. Clara had on a uniform that was so washed out her last name was reduced from Oswald to O_W_L_. And Missy made the name "Owl" stick. When the new clothing arrived it was quickly taken. The excitement fell flat when Donna handed out stiff brown uniforms that had been starched within an inch of the fabric's life. They smelled funny on top of everything else. "Maybe a trip through the wash will help." Donna said. 

" Donna, I can't wear this! It's still too stiff. " Clara tried to move but could only shuffle. "Those have been through the wash four times, how can they still be so stiff?" Donna replied. But the irritation and inability to move made River stay in a standing position. The entire prison was having the same problem. Warden Ruiz could not take it anymore, she called the uniform company. The next batch of new uniforms was more comfortable and didn't itch. They were also white. "I feel like I'm in a hospital." Clara said. " But at least they are comfortable. " As it turned out the white uniforms were very cheap and fell apart in the wash. Warden Ruiz was angry and called a different company. "I want uniforms for my prisoners. Not too stiff, not too cheap, and make them comfortable!" She told the man who answered. "Of course! Any preference on style or color?" Now this was more like it. "Grey pants and navy blue shirts. Again?" Asked Missy. "Yes. Unless you would like to walk around naked." Donna said. That idea wasn't appealing. "At least they are well made and comfortable. You can even read my last name clear as day." Clara said. No more being called owl. "Now that you have on your new uniforms it's time for me to give you the rest." Donna said. "Rest?" River asked. " You don't think one uniform per person would work out well, do you? " Came the reply. River realized that of course they needed more than one uniform each! Donna started. " You each have a bundle of clothes. Take good care of them and they will last you a long time. " At least the new clothing was comfortable and nobody looked bad. "You look smart." Yas said. Clara didn't think she looked smart. She thought she looked like a prison inmate. Of course, that was the point of the uniform. Missy didn't mind what she wore. Or so it seemed. Really, she didn't like it but couldn't do anything about it. River didn't care. As far as she was concerned she was dressed in comfortable clothing and that's what mattered. With all the mixed feelings, everyone seemed to forget that River's birthday was coming up fast. What did one do for someone turning 784?


	59. River's birthday

River was excited. Her 784th birthday was something to celebrate. The Doctor arrived and gave her an original copy of 'Origin of Species ' signed by Charles Darwin. Donna smuggled in a small cake and candles. Amy and Rory sent a present and card with the Doctor. "A new book of knitting patterns! And twelve skeins of yarn!" River was excited. Everyone else groaned. Clara and Missy gave her first choice of everything and even let her use their library privileges to take out extra books. To the uninitiated this would seem like a trivial matter. But at one book a week, this was a present not to take lightly. River understood this and thanked them both. Three books! That was incredible. 

Amy and Rory even went so far as to send a video message. Donna allowed River to view it on the computer. After the fourth time around Donna had to put a stop to it. But River was so happy. Several cards from her children and grandchildren and several pictures of children and babies and pets. A few hand made cards from her grandchildren rounded out the collection. Taping things to the wall was frowned upon, but Donna let it slide. Not everyone turns 784. 

"Did you have a nice day?" Yas asked at bedtime. "Very nice, I have so many new pictures to look at I think I'll be busy for a while." And in the coming days everyone got a little too well acquainted with River's family. By the end of the week every single person knew the names of River's kids and grandkids and great grandkids. And everyone had begun plotting ways to make sure she didn't live to see 785. River knew this and didn't care a bit. She did have a nice birthday after all.


	60. Fight

The day was dreary. The sky sending down such a blinding precipitation that it was impossible to see more than three feet in front. Luckily, Donna made it in without problem. Yas however had no way of leaving and was forced to stay in the isolation cell with the door unlocked. This was by no means a deterrent against fighting. If anything, she was ignored. "RIVER! That's MY breakfast!" Clara cried as she watched her cell mate flip the bowl of cornflakes over. River smiled and said " I guess you'll have to eat with your hands now! " Missy made things worse by pouring out River's coffee all over her head. "Wh********** ***** ******** !" River shouted. Donna tried to stop the coming disaster but was too late. Missy hit River, who punched Clara, who pulled Missy's hair. "Alright, Larry, Moe, and Curly! Stop this right now!" Donna pulled out the leather strap kept just for such occasions. Fifteen minutes later, Donna had a tired arm and three regretful inmates. "You'll get no sympathy from me." She told them. Clara was in shock! Donna had never hit her before. It wasn't the usual punishment, but then, she supposed, they had been rather trying as of late. But the day was still early, maybe things would improve. Clara was hopeful they would. Not fifteen minutes later and Clara was arguing with River. River wanted to join Clara in doing a puzzle. Clara did not want help. "This piece goes here!" Said River, placing a bit of edge together. "Thank you, I want to be alone." Clara said. River ignored her. "You know you can look at the picture on the box, right?" River asked. " Gee, you're so smart your mother should have named you 'Sunny Ultra Brite!'" Clara quipped. River pretended not to hear that and went about placing pieces in place. Finally Clara could take no more and shoved River quite hard. River caught herself before dragging Clara across the floor by her shirt. Seeing the altercation and not wanting to be left out, Missy tripped River sending her headlong into the bars. This sent Donna running to assess the damage. River suffered nothing more than a bloody nose. Clara was shaken but otherwise fine. Missy however sprained her ankle. "Serves you right for tripping River." Donna scolded as she wrapped the ankle and handed over an ice pack. "You might as well get comfortable, you aren't going anywhere for a few days." Heading this, Missy became irate. "Why should I have to stay in bed?" She demanded. "Because I cannot trust you with crutches." Donna explained. It was quiet for a while, Missy with her foot and River stopping the bleeding of her nose. Clara sat on her own bed and read. Donna had quiet at last. Yas had woken up and gone to the locker room to shower and change. It was not long before River was journaling all about her latest escape. The peace was nice and everyone seemed content.

This contentment only lasted a brief time before all three were in a full on fist fight. Donna and the now awake Yas tried to break it up to no avail. It took four burly guards and five tasers to subdue Missy. Three men to take down River, and Donna took care of Clara. A few good licks with the strap and Clara gave up. She knew when she was overpowered. Soon, all three were gingerly sitting on the bench. Sore legs making them not move much.

"No supper and straight to bed!" Donna said. Yas agreed, too much fighting wasn't good. A certain amount of animosity between inmates was expected, but this had gone too far. "I think you all need some way to burn off some energy." Said Yas. Donna hadn't thought about that! It was still coming down in torrents and soon the power went. "Well, that's bed!" Said Yas. Three beds soon held three injured inmates. All were sorry their day had been so bad. Soon, the sound of the rain lulled them to sleep. Donna spent the night in the isolation cell. Maybe things would improve with the weather. Or so Donna thought.


	61. Missy's Blanket part 3

Like all things Missy's Blanket had become worn out. She woke to find it stretched and unraveling. Screaming, she ran around in a panic. "I... My... It's horrible!" She cried, waking River and Clara. Yas entered the cell, trying to calm the distressed Time Lord. "Alright Missy, calm down and tell me what's wrong." She said. It was still the middle of the night and everyone thought it must have been a nightmare. But when Missy revealed the truth everyone was even more disturbed.

"My blanket! It's... It's... R-r-ruined!" Missy cried showing the ragged and tattered object. " Oh, MY! " Said Clara. "Missy, let me see what I can do to fix it." River said. Missy was suspicious of River's motives. "You hate me! Why would you ever do anything nice for me? Especially fix my blanket?" " I don't like you, it's true. But I have to live with you and the difference between living with you and killing you seems to come down to this blanket. I fix your blanket and you are bearable. Or I kill you and never hear the end of it from my wife! " Missy reluctantly handed over the tattered object. "Are you finished yet?" Missy asked. " Missy's Blanket had been in River's possession for less than an hour and already Missy wanted her blanket back. "Sweetie, I'll be finished when I'm finished." River replied. She had to unravel the whole thing and start from scratch. "Why are you unravelling it!?" Missy said in alarm. "Because I need to re-knit the whole blanket. Please leave me to work in peace. The more you bother me the slower the fixing goes." Donna eventually placed River in solitary. This gave her a nice quiet place to work and no Missy to bother her. "She'll fix it, right?" Missy asked, a Time Lord without a blanket was unthinkable. All day Missy paced and fretted. And all day Clara tried to get her interested in something. "Do you want to play a game? I'll let you cheat." Clara asked. " I'm not in the mood today. " Missy replied. Missy wasn't hungry at lunch. Not that the soggy food was anything special. "Missy, if you eat your food you can have a treat!" Donna cajoled. But Missy still didn't care. As long as River was knitting that blanket back to its original state Missy was going to be worried. "Will River be able to fix it?" She asked for the thousandth time. "River isn't a machine, this takes time." Donna said. "Why does River have to stop? It's not like she's done." Said Missy. " Now Missy, it's time you were asleep. And River needs her energy of she is to get anything done. You can allow her some sleep. After all, it's not everybody she fixes blankets for. " Yas said. "Alright. But I need it back right away." Missy said as she fell asleep. Missy had horrible nightmares all night. She screamed and cried. Getting up and sleep walking, shaking the bars. Crying again when Yas brought her back to bed. By morning, everyone was exhausted from all the noise. Nobody slept except Missy and her sleep wasn't great. Waking up in a full on wet bed from sweating was enough to make Missy cry. River went to work with a vengeance. She knew what to expect at night, she had taken the Doctor's blanket once. Only once because apparently the baby blanket was the only thing that kept Time Lords in their beds and let them have a good sleep. By the end of the day, Missy was reunited with her blanket. "Thank you, River." She said, hugging the fixed blanket. She wasn't going to hug River. She was happy she could knit but she wasn't about to make River her friend. When everyone was tucked in and sleeping peacefully, Yas took a peek at Missy. No noise, no getting up, just peacefully sleeping and hugging her blanket. If that's what it took to make her sleep soundly then neither Yas nor Donna would make her give it up. River had learned to fix the Doctor's blanket a long time ago. She also learned to live with Missy. Everything was quiet, everyone asleep. Yas sat back in her chair and sipped her tea. It was going to be a good night.


	62. River's baby, Doctor's.... Maybe?

It was during breakfast one morning when the TARDIS landed outside the cell. River was drinking what passed for coffee and almost spat a mouthful of the liquid on Clara when the Doctor stormed out of the TARDIS. "HOW DARE YOU!" She shouted at her wife. " YOU CHEATED ON ME! " River gulped down the tepid coffee. Cheat? Her? Did the Doctor come at the right time? Or had she really...

"Sweetie, what are you on about?" " Robbie! He had a DNA test done and HE ISN'T MINE! "  
"OF COURSE HE ISN'T YOURS, YOU MORON! YOU ARE A WOMAN! YOU NEED A MAN!" River shouted back. " Not an earth test, one on Florglax! They can test Time Lords. They have that technology. " River suddenly had a sick feeling she was about to be forced into sharing a dark secret.

Donna loved the Doctor. But she did not love being barged in on without notice. And she really didn't like being rudely ignored as the Doctor started shouting. "Doctor! You need to come here. I want a word with you." Reluctantly she went over to her former companion. " I understand you are upset. But please take this spat to the isolation cell. We don't need your family dirty laundry aired for all to see. " Donna had a point. River was dragged into the small room and the door was shut and locked. 

"You bastard! How could you?" The Doctor was near tears. " Doctor....***********, Let's talk. " The Doctor never liked it when her first name was used. But when River added 'let's talk' to any conversation it was never good. 

"So it seems like our Doctor was not the daddy after all! Robbie never did look like.... Well, not in that body at least. Which one is Robbie again?" Missy asked Donna. " I don't remember! And I'll thank you to keep out of this! " Missy just shrugged. This wasn't anything she was really interested in anyway. Now had River been pregnant, she would have made sure life was hell. The Doctor was beyond angry and hurt. Her wife cheated on her. She knew River had a life but she always remained faithful. Apparently she didn't know her wife at all. River was in tears. "I didn't cheat! Honestly, how could you even think..." The Doctor had a look in her eyes that made River stop talking. " Then how come Robbie isn't my son? " River was at a loss for words. Robbie was their son! He was as much the Doctor's as he was her's. "Unless the hospital mixed him up. And since we had him in the TARDIS I don't believe it would be even possible. Rory delivered him, just like he delivered all our children. Something went wrong somewhere." River was adamant. River didn't eat and the Doctor didn't leave. "Eat your lunch!" Donna said. River took three bites. Soon, a phone call came in. Donna was surprised, no one ever called. Who could it be? "Hello?" She said. " River, Doctor, phone's for you. " Soon a smile spread across River's face. Once she and the Doctor hung up they hugged each other and cried. "It was a mix up at the lab. The Doctor is Robbie's Father! I told you I would NEVER cheat on you!" River said. " I was an idiot! I'm so sorry. " Said the Doctor. "How can I make it up to you?" " You can start by cleaning our room! And some of your waffles by the fire would be lovely. " The Doctor and River went into the TARDIS and soon were off for parts unknown. Donna didn't seem to mind this. If anything she encouraged the couple to spend time together. As long as River was back by sunset, all was well.


	63. Time Lord and Tooth Fairy

Missy had lost yet another tooth. This was common among Time Lords and shallow roots were the cause. This meant that they had more than enough teeth. (Somewhere between 27 and 30 sets.) Each tooth was carefully cared for and everyone hoped their teeth would last. Missy was no different. "It was only around 800 years old. Barely even there!" Missy looked so disappointed that Clara brought up the Tooth Fairy. "If you put it under your pillow tonight, maybe the Tooth Fairy will visit and leave you a nice present." Of course Clara knew there was no such thing as a tooth fairy. She would try and get Yas to place something there like a shiny new coin. Missy liked shiny things. But at the mention of the children's character Missy went pale. "N-not her! PLEASE, ANYONE BUT THAT CREATURE! I'll be good. I promise, just please  
not that abomination to society." Clara had never seen Missy act like this. What was so scary about a creature entering your house in the middle of the night and taking your tooth? Well, when put that way... Clara had to learn not to actually over think things.

"Never mention that bitch's name again!" Missy hissed. " MISSY! What could you possibly have against the... Uh... Her? Him? It? " River asked. What was the Tooth fairy anyways? A little humanoid creature with wings? Something else? The shiny new coin under the pillow was really from parents, River knew. She had secretly played the part for her own children. The Doctor frowned upon such things and when she had mentioned the Tooth fairy all he had done was say it was her business and not his. Now that River thought about it, her husband had seemed rather cold and distant when they discussed the topic. Maybe there was something to this after all.

"Are you sure she is real?" Clara asked. " The little pest is all too real. No self respecting Time Lord would want to be around the fiend. She is not nice. So you know what she does with the teeth? " Clara shook her head. "It's... Too horrible to say. " Missy seemed really effected by the topic.

"I know Santa is real. And the person we can't speak of. Is the Easter bunny real?" Clara asked, curious. " Clara! A rabbit that has chocolate bowel movements and leaves them for you to eat? Honestly! No. That is one giant myth. " Missy said. "How about Mother Goose?" Clara was interested. " Yes. Unfortunately SHE exists. But she didn't come up with all those rhymes by herself. You know she is an anthropomorphic animal, right? I'd love to have her for dinner sometime. " Missy said. "MISSY! Don't talk about the sweet old darling like that! She isn't your food!" River repremanded.

All day Missy seemed to be on edge. Every time someone so much as tried to talk to her she jumped. "Sweetie, You-Know-Who isn't coming so get over it." River said. Although curious, River and Clara didn't press for details. If someone or something was so bad that Missy acted like she was on death row it must be horrible.

Yas was watching the three inmates sleep. River looked peaceful, unlike her real persona. Clara just slept, nothing too special about that. But Missy was clutching her tooth like it was her most important possession. As she slept however, her grip loosened. A creature tried taking it,only to be seized. "Let me go! LET ME GO!" The thing struggled to get free. " Oh, not on your life, you stupid little moth! " Missy said, the commotion woke everyone and now the Tooth Fairy was plain for them to see.

"Calm down! You'll hurt yourself." Yas said, entering the cell. She wanted to see the creature as much as anyone. Gently cupping her hands, Yas asked Missy to let go. A small creature fell into her hands. "Are you okay?" Yas asked. "Owwww! My wing!" The tiny thing said. It was humanoid, with wings that were delicate and gorgeous. Dressed in tiny tactical gear and army clothes, Yas couldn't help thinking the fairy looked more like G.I. Jane than a fairy. But it was the jet black hair against a skin that was so white it was almost translucent that struck everyone. "You tore my wing! I can't fly like this and who will gather the teeth from the kids?" Seeing a bag slung over her shoulder , Clara asked, "What Do you do with all the teeth?" "Build. That's what Tooth Faries are for. We gather building materials and bring them back home. Now I don't know what to do! My wing! Oh, it hurts." She sobbed. " You must have a name. We can't keep calling you "the fairy" can we? " Clara asked. "Well, Alright. But only because I'll be here a while. I am Minna. " "It's nice to meet you. I am Clara, the one holding you is Yas. Standing next to me is River, and you have become acquainted with Missy. " "Where am I?" Minna asked. " A prison. But don't worry, you aren't in trouble. Missy just lost A Tooth is all. Time Lords are always losing teeth. " Yas explained. "Not a Time Lord! OH, dear! You people are the worst! You lose teeth constantly and then won't give them up! You don't even care that you get a treat in return for those teeth. " Minna looked exasperated. "You keep saying 'we' are there more tooth faries?" Clara asked. "Yes! Tooth faries come in many shapes and sizes. We all have different jobs. Some build, some design, some gather, and various other tasks." This was news to everyone including River. "I can't make it back home! This is a disaster. And the queen won't be too happy! She'll understand of course, but she still won't like it." Minna was visibly in pain. " Let me see what I can do to help your wing. " Yas said. Those wings were very delicate and beautiful. Green and ivory with beautiful patterns. The tear was rather large, and for a moment Yas thought the wing was a lost cause. "Let me take a look." River said. Giving the wing a thorough going over. " Yas, so you have a bit of glue and a cotton swab? " River had an idea. "As a matter of fact, I do! Here is the swab, and let me find that glue." In a moment , Yas found the bottle of white glue and handed it to River. "This shouldn't hurt a bit. Just keep your wings open for a few minutes until the glue dries." The fairy allowed River to care for her wing. "Yas, is there a pillow case I can use?" Clara asked. "Yes. But you already have one. Why do you need another?" " Minna needs a place to sleep. She can't fly home. " Yas understood. "Would you like an old box as well?" Soon a bed was made and Minna was asleep. When you are only around four inches tall and suddenly find yourself in a world not built for you things become hard. Minna was lucky she carried a toothbrush and floss with her. (All tooth faries do you know.) But nothing was her size. Luckily River "borrowed" some things from a granddaughter who had outgrown dolls and could spare some things left in the TARDIS. A doll's bed, dishes and clothing were brought along with a kitchen set and chair and footrest. "How long will your wing take to heal? " Clara asked. "Wings are very fragile. They take time to grow and they heal very slow. I'll send a letter home explaining my predicament. The king and queen will be good with that and they can tell my husband." Minna explained. " Husband? " River, Missy, Clara, and Yas and by this point Donna all exclaimed. "Yes! Unlike your erroneous belief that all faries are female we do have male faries as well. How do you think we procreate? Don't believe the Peter Pan lie about laughs. And we don't wear moss and leaves! We have clothing! " Everyone was in shock! This was too much, yet it made sense. "So you eat human food?" Missy asked. " Yes. Just very small versions of it. We have engineers you know. And my bag holds teeth and those coins kids love to get. " Nobody asked how that worked, they already knew. (Bigger on the inside.) Not wanting all of fairydom to be spoiled for them, questions came to a close. Except for one. "What do you have against Time Lords?" Clara finally asked. " Nothing. They just don't give up their teeth. Everyone else gives them up, but no, not the Time Lords. Just one Time Lord would provide enough teeth in its lifetime to build seven houses! They are just too attached to their teeth. It's not like they have a use for them, they just like them. So annoying! " "Missy, why don't Time Lords like tooth faries?" Donna asked. "Because they steal our teeth!" " You know we keep the latest issue of Counselor Carl to put under your pillow? " "How? Isn't that too heavy?" " Again, don't ask! You'll ruin the the fun! " Minna shook her head. "So you're saying if I give you my tooth I get a new comic?" This was news to Missy. Minna nodded and smiled. "I think the Doctor will be thrilled." River said. " And you only get one per visit. Extra teeth get you nothing! " Missy was a little disappointed with that. She would gladly have knocked out Clara's teeth for a new Counselor Carl. "See, if you just let me take your tooth you would be enjoying your comic." Minna told her. Three weeks passed before Minna could fly again. " Thank you for helping me. " She said as she left. "So, do you still think the Tooth Fairy is a bitch? " Asked River. "No. And I get a new Counselor Carl issue every time I lose a tooth! What could be better than that?"


	64. Shots

"NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! I DON'T CONSENT TO THIS!" Missy yelled as she was pulled from the cell. " Missy, nobody is going to kill you! Calm down, it's just a shot. " Donna said. Missy struggled and almost dislocated her shoulder trying to get away. "You can watch them give me my shot if you like." Clara offered. It didn't help.

This was a day Donna, the warden, the Doctor , every guard and all medical personnel dreaded. Inoculation Day. The process was simple: Get your shot and go back to your cell. Clara had been doing this her whole life It seemed. Shots were terrifying as a child, but not so bad as an adult. She just wanted it over with. River had the same feelings and easily took a dose of whatever was needed. Missy was not used to such treatment and was a bigger pain than a small child. Nobody wanted to give her the shot.

"Donna, can you do it this year?" Asked Warden Ruiz. "Last time I tried she almost took out my eye! Amy, can you try?" Amy wasn't going to be bested by her daughter in law's best frenemy. "She'll get it one way or another. It's only one, right?" " Actually it's six. Mmr, flu, hepatitis A, Diphtheria, tetanus, and small pox. So she has managed to evade those ones by making everyone too tired to finish the job. " Warden Ruiz said. "You mean she needs me to stick her six times?" Amy was incredulous. "She has caused more problems than she is worth!"

Knowing how much Time Lords like sweets, Amy kept a lollipop handy. " Missy, I have a treat for you. " She sang. Missy perked up, "a treat? What kind of treat?" Nobody gave her treats. " A nice lollipop just for you! But, you need to let me have your arm alright? " Missy was suspicious  
"My arm? You want to give me a shot! No!" Missy wasn't a fool. " Alright, but no treat. Only those who have their shots get treats. And I have a fun bandaid with the glow in the dark planets. And a sticker with a lion on it. All for you, but you have to let me give you those  
shots. " Amy cajoled. 

Missy thought. She wanted the candy and she loved stickers with lions on them. (Nobody knew why she liked lions, she just did. And she loved lion stickers.) Maybe one shot? "I'll hold your hand." Clara offered. This was hard. But, Amy was nice and never hurt anyone. (As long as nobody ever brought up the Christmas he torched the tree and insulted Amy's cooking.) So Amy kept her talking. "You know, River was my best friend when we were kids." Amy started. By the time the story was over all six shots were given and Missy was admiring her sticker.

"Amy how did you do that?" Asked Donna. " I have some tricks up my sleeves. " She said. Missy had her candy and sticker, the Warden had her records and Amy was given a raise and promoted to vice warden.


	65. Clara's problem

Yas almost dropped her tea, she didn't expect Clara to come running at the bars. She had never seen anyone run full tilt into the bars before. Sure, plenty of people clung to the bars or shook them, but nobody ever body slammed themselves right into them. By the time she was able to collect herself enough to stop Clara from causing serious injury the young inmate had hurled herself at the door three times. Yas caught Clara and realized she was still asleep. "Clara, wake up!" She shook the other girl. Missy and River were awake now as well and both looked surprised.

"Clara! Clara! Wake up! Please!" Yas tried. Finally,but Clara started to come around. "What's happening? Why does my head hurt? Where am I?" Clara had no idea what happened. "Sit down, let me make sure you're okay." Yas said. "You have been running headlong into the bars. Do you hurt anywhere else?" Clara thought a moment, did she hurt? She didn't know why she was running around slamming herself into the bars. She was tired and confused and just wanted sleep. "I'm fine. Please,may I go back to sleep?" Yas was relieved. "Alright. Sleep well. And please try and stay in bed." Yas was worried, she couldn't very well strap Clara to her bed. Maybe things would improve? They did. "Owww!" Clara moaned in the morning. "My head hurts." " Of course your head hurts, stupid! " Missy said. "You used it as a battering ram last night and gave Yas a scare." " Oh, then it wasn't a dream. " "No, it wasn't! And you kept me up! I need my rest or I look horrible." Missy groused. " Shut up, Missy! " River snapped. "Leave her alone. She couldn't help it. Nobody says anything about your sleep habit." " I am the perfect sleeper! " Missy countered. "Oh, you are? Then why does Yas have to help you take a piss? You may be a woman now but when you sleep you act like you still have a dick! How often do you think Yas has had to help you into new underwear and pants? At least twice a week if she isn't quick enough!" Missy shook with rage! "Ladies! You need to calm down before I make you!" Donna interjected, she wasn't going to listen to this. Nor was she going to break up any fights. It happened again the next night. Clara had to see the doctor and get the all clear before going back. That night, Yas covered the bars in foam, hoping it would at least soften the blow. She thought of making Clara wear a helmet but that would be too uncomfortable. This time Yas paid close attention and was ready. She caught Clara as she ran and placed her back to bed. This was about the time River started lecturing and thrashing and Missy was going to use the bathroom. Yas was too late for Missy, but she made sure to have extra clothing and cleaning supplies on hand. Once Missy was back in bed, it was time to deal with River. Yas wasn't in a very happy mood anymore and just threw some cold water on River. Not enough to soak anything but enough to wake her. "Yas, what is going on?" She asked. "I have heard every one of your lectures and if you aren't careful I might just steal your job! Please try and teach a bit quieter. And if you don't mind not trying to rip your bedding to shreds it would be much appreciated." River nodded , but she was already asleep again. It took three weeks but eventually Clara stopped running. Of course, the other things weren't going to stop. Yas understood this and did the best she could. By the time Clara stopped running into the bars, River had started singing Old MacDonald. Missy was starting to curl up at the very end of her bed and hiding under the blanket. Yas sighed, her job was never dull.


	66. Stuck

Donna kept superglue locked in her desk. With Missy and River around it was almost a requirement. They broke everything during their fights and the only way to fix the broken items was often glue. Missy somehow broke into the desk and took the bottle. Before Donna could so much as blink, Missy had made a horrible mistake. Now she was glued to River and Clara!

"Missy, Missy, Missy. That is water resistant and permanent! You three are stuck together until it wears off." River and Clara were angry. They didn't want to be attached to Missy or anyone else. Actually, nobody wanted to be attached to anyone. Being chained together was bad enough. Living together was no picnic. But being glued together was another thing entirely. River and Clara got to work pummeling Missy. Donna let them. If Missy was going to play stupid games she could win stupid prizes.

"Ouch! Ouch! Owww!" Missy cried as her cell mates beat her. She knew she had brought it on herself. Once they tired of beating up Missy, River and Clara gave her the silent treatment. "Hey, I uh, have to.... Use the toilet so... Can we make our way there.... Please?" Missy asked. No answer. "Look, if I don't get there soon, we may have a situation." Missy was getting desperate. " Fine. " River said. This was awkward. Missy had one arm glued to River and Clara stuck to her other arm. The humiliation was enough to even make Missy want to cry. Lunch was horrible. With no way for all three to sit and eat on one side everyone wound up on the floor. Missy had both arms glued and no way to eat. River and Clara were still mad enough to make sure Missy lost the use of both arms. "May I please eat?" She asked as nicely as possible. She was ignored. Donna made them to outside for yard time. "But everyone will make fun of us." River pleaded. Donna didn't care anymore, she needed a bit of time away from the complaining. Everyone just stared at the odd looking trio. Missy with her hand glued to River's wrist and Clara with her hand on Missy's other upper arm. They were totally helpless! When they returned inside, Donna had quite a Time helping clean bloody noses and black eyes. She went into full on mother mode and fussed over them. By the time Yas came on all three had their wounds treated and had dinner. "How are we going to sleep? We can't go to our own beds." River pointed out. "Move mattresses to the floor." Clara said. "Good idea.But what about showering? Changing clothing? We can't do either!" River said. "This is a disaster! Missy, what were you hoping to prove?" " I was going to glue you to Clara. But it backfired. " Yas felt horrible, she couldn't do anything to make her prisoners more comfortable. But one night wouldn't kill them. In the morning a whole new set of problems started. "How do we shower?" Clara asked. " More to the point, how do we strip? " River said. A good night's sleep had given Donna some ideas. "I'm calling Earl." She said. " Well, if you three aren't in a pretty pickle! Let me see that bottle of glue, Donna. " Said the old man. "Just as I thought. I can have you three free from each other in no time flat!" He chuckled. " This isn't the first time I've come across this. My grandson has done the same thing when his brother left the blue out. Only difference is, he got stuck to the cat! I found a method that works like a charm. " After the now very tired and grouchy inmates say down, Earl took some paper towels and a bottle of nail polish remover. He took a bowl as filled it with the towels and poured the liquid over them. Then he applied them to Clara's hand and River's arm. "You let that set for twenty minutes then use fresh towels. Every twenty minutes until they are free." Earl was a life saver. Donna could have hugged him. Four hours of this and finally, all three were free. "Now Clara gets the shower first. Then River, then Missy. You caused this mess in the first place!" Donna said. Once everyone was showered and in clean clothing, Donna fed them lunch and said "Nap! " Nobody complained.Now that everyone was free and had their limbs back they could enjoy a nice nap. Donna let everyone relax because she knew they would not like what was coming.


	67. How To (Just About) Get Away With Murder

It was Donna had a family emergency and a substitute guard was required. Amy was now the only warden since Ruiz retired early and could not be there. Another guard was a must. But the only guard left was... Inadequate to say the least. Brand new, fresh from the academy, Rose Tyler tried her hardest. And now she was stuck with three inmates and no help. Try as she might, she lacked the authority that can only come with practice. And this was not a place to practice.

"Please make your bed." Rose said to Missy. "Why? Donna never makes me." A complete lie but when Rose tried to be forceful it just started an argument. She wasn't going to argue with an inmate so she let it slide. "Alright! But you will make it tomorrow." She said, knowing that wasn't going to happen. River tried to get out of eating her oatmeal. "Eat your porridge please."  
River was rather fond of porridge but she liked getting her way better. "No! I'm not hungry and you can't make me" She said, this was going to be fun! "Fine, but you will eat lunch." 

"You can't cuff me!" Missy said as she pulled her hands away before Rose could grab them. She tried this on Donna once and never again. The punishment was not worth it. But this guard was new! Too new and way too inexperienced. Poor Rose couldn't even get a hold of Missy. "Fine then. You stay here. All of you." Clara and River were livid. It was beautiful outside and now they were being forced to stay inside. Missy's goose was cooked and she suddenly regretted her choices.

Rose had never used a taser on a real person before. Sure she had fired one in training, but this was completely different. Who was causing Missy the most damage? Should she hit Clara? Or River? Closing her eyes she fired and hit...nothing. She wasn't close enough and the cell door was still shut. This wasn't going well and she didn't want to call for reinforcements. By the time she got the door open and her mace out the fight was over. 

Things only got worse as the day wore on. Nobody ate lunch and before else could do anything to stop it, Missy had drawn on the walls, punched Clara out, and superglued River's journal shut. Where did the glue come from? Rose had no idea. River, in retaliation, took Missy's blanket and covered it in toothpaste. Missy hated the smell of mint and River knew it. A food fight took place over dinner and now all three inmates were hungry.

Yas entered the small unit and almost had a coronary. The entire cell was in disarray and the only sign of a guard was a pair of boots poking out from under the desk. Missy, River and Clara were in a full on fight and it was impossible to figure out what happened. Yas helped Rose up and said " Watch this!" Then she did the only thing she could, she opened a drawer and pulled out an air horn.

Three seconds was all it took for the inmates to line up. " You are all in trouble! How dare you treat the guard like this! Donna would have your hides. You aught to be ashamed of yourselves! Acting like animals! You will all apologize and treat officer Tyler with respect. " Just for good measure, Yas showed Rose the strap. "You know you have every right to use this. And everything else you were given. Donna and I don't usually use the strap but if things get this out of hand again feel free. Methods are harsh, but these are not ordinary prisoners. Do what you need to and don't feel bad." Rose went home and Yas took over.

Yas was a good guard. Actually, if you asked the inmates they would all day she was one of their favorites. But even she had a limit and she had been pushed well beyond it. "Put that cell back together! Then I'll get the bandaids. Honestly! You three are too much. I have half a mind to call Warden Pond and tell her about today. River, you would really love that. Mummy punishing you for being mean to the new kid? Clara, your father would be shocked. And Missy, the one who probably started this whole thing. The Doctor should forget about coming to read Counselor Carl with you. Maybe I'll take your new play set and those comics. You act like animals and I'll treat you like animals. Tomorrow you will treat officer Tyler with respect and dignity. Now get ready for bed."

Rose was pleasantly surprised when she came in the next day. Three well made beds and three well behaved inmates greeted her. River joined breakfast and every other meal that week. Missy was beyond gracious and let Rose cuff her. Clara didn't join in the melee and even helped Missy with her blanket. By the time Donna returned Rose was doing a great job. "I'll have to watch out. You may have my job someday." She said. "No! I think I'll stay in general population, thank you." Rose replied.


	68. Time Lord likes and dislikes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't get that part of "Winnie-Ths-Pooh" out of my head where Tigger says "Tiggers don't like honey." I decided to make a Time Lord version. (Sort of)

"Time Lords don't eat toast! We have been through this time and time again!" Missy said as she threw the bread at Donna. "Look, the kitchen is having problems again. They send us what they send us. And throwing your food at me is grounds for punishment. I won't because you are going to just go hungry until lunch, and that is punishment enough." Donna was calm, she knew to expect this behavior when it came to certain things.

All Time Lords are picky about many things, Missy was no exception. Coffee (even decaf) made her hyper and overtly agressive. Tea calmed, as long as it was chamomile. Spaghetti was always accepted and toast was rejected every time. But the thing that gave River pleasure was picking on Missy for her hatred of all types of mint. This was like a repellent for Time Lords. The Doctor used a special toothpaste and could not stand mint. When River wanted something left alone she dabbed a bit of toothpaste on it. The Doctor hated that and always complained. Missy refused toothpaste until Donna handed her a tube of bubblegum toothpaste. "Here! And don't say I never did anything for you." Donna said, handing over the tube.

" Missy, that's kid's toothpaste. It even says it on the tube. " River pointed out. "Training toothpaste." River read. " I used this with my kids when they were toddlers. You are such a wimp that you use toothpaste designed for little kids. Tell me, do you still need help with the brush? You can put toothpaste on a toothbrush, right? Certainly you should be able to do such a simple thing as that all by yourself. We already know you need help with the toilet. Are you just an overgrown toddler? " Missy grabbed River by the throat. "Shut the fuck up, Song! One more word and I'll make sure you need help with everything! Understand?" River nodded.

Time Lords were very sensitive about shots. Missy hated the yearly flu shot. "If you behave and get your shot like a good girl Donna will give you a sticker." River teased. " I'll give you a sticker! Right in the solar plexus! " Missy countered. "Hold still and it won't hurt as much." Clara said. " I'll hold your hand if you like. " Missy smiled ruefully. "No, dear. I'll kill you first." But for all the tough act Missy still had six men holding her down while the nurse gave her the shot.

One night they had macaroni and cheese. Missy said "Time Lords don't like macaroni and cheese." Donna said, " I don't care what Time Lords do or don't like, you are eating your food. " Missy didn't argue, she really liked Mac and cheese. She was just being a pain. There was one thing Missy loved but would never admit to. Actually there were many things, but this one took the cake. River had lived with her long enough and knew the Doctor felt the same way. The secret key to every Time Lord heart. All Time Lords loved hugs. Missy was no exception to this. When Missy was feeling down after supper, River and Clara came over and before she could do anything, they hugged her. Missy stiffened for a moment, then relaxed. Sighing, she said "Time Lords love hugs. I love hugs."


	69. Missy gets left out

"Yow!" Missy jumped as she felt the shower run from pleasant to arctic. " Sorry Missy, the not water must have run out. " River called. Missy would have to get the shampoo out in freezing cold water. This gave her a headache. And if Missy wasn't nice on the best of days she was horrible when she felt bad.

"Sorry Missy, your breakfast is soggy today. I tried the best I could but you know how corn flakes are." Donna said. There wasn't even enough to keep a toddler full until lunch. Missy ate her breakfast and felt sorry for herself. "My blanket! Give it back you thief!" Missy was angry at River again. River, as usual, had taken her blanket and threw it out under Donna's desk. She was even smart enough to have it land where nobody could reach it. Donna got the broom. By the time she had retrieved the blanket it was covered in dust and dirt. "River that was very mean! Missy, I shall have this back to you by bedtime." Donna took the blanket to the utility sink to wash. 

" Not ravioli again! " Missy whined. "It's been six days of ravioli, isn't that enough?" Donna wasn't in charge of the menu, but it was becoming a bit much even for her and she didn't have to eat it. "For someone who would eat spaghetti and meatballs three times a day and not tire of it, you sure are a picky pasta eater." Missy wanted anything else. Bread and water would be a break from ravioli. A nice gruel? Maybe some rice and beans? Raw veggies would be better than this. She ate her lunch in silence.

"You can't go out, it's raining!" Donna said. As if Missy couldn't tell just by looking out the tiny window. " But I want to! " Missy said, jumping around to make her point known. "At least I have the library." She thought. " Sorry Missy, no library for you. Not today. " Donna said as she got River and Clara ready to go. " Why? " Missy asked, although she knew very well why. "You started a fistfight last time and have a one month suspension from the library." Donna reminded, not that she needed to say it but Missy had asked. 

By bedtime the blanket had been returned but Missy was miserable. Nobody had said one kind word to her the whole day. She felt so alone and in need of a friend. But with the way she had been acting none were forthcoming. Clara noticed Missy's behavior. She honestly felt bad for her but it was hard to show empathy to someone who was so cruel to innocent people. She decided to do something nobody had done. Knowing she might get killed or injured, Clara took the plunge.

"Missy? Do you want company?" Clara asked. She learned that asking first helped save her skin from an attack. Missy nodded and Clara sat down. "May I hug you?" Missy had never been asked that before. She realized that was exactly what she wanted. " Yes. I think I need one. It's been a very long time since anyone has shown me affection. " Clara hugged Missy. Suddenly a strange feeling came over her. It started in her toes and went all the way to her head. She hadn't felt this way in a very long time. It was amazing! Clara tucked Missy in and said "You are very special. Even though it isn't shown much, you mean a lot to me." Missy smiled and slept.


	70. Pets?

"Aaaaaaaaaa!" Donna screamed and jumped on the desk. " SOMEONE GET THAT THING AND KILL IT! " "Fuzzy won't hurt you. He's -" Donna cut River off. "Going back where he came from. No pets! If you want a pet keep it on the TARDIS!" Donna was not looking at the hamster and would rather it be anywhere but there. River sent Fuzzy back to his home world.

" No!No! NO! " Donna shouted when River brought a ferret inside. "No pets! Isn't that one of Rory's?" River looked closely, " Yes. Hi Marshmallow! " "Bring him to your mother please." A very long lecture on why animals weren't allowed followed. So when a new cat showed up and started talking , Donna fainted. "I snuck Rocky off the TARDIS." River said. " River, please tell  
Missy not to pull my tail! " Missy looked at the cat in mock horror. "Why, I would NEVER pull your tail, you little piece of-" "Missy, watch your language!" Donna said. " I will happily skin you alive and then turn your pelt into a pair of gloves. " "Missy! You are in for it now. No yard time today. And River, please return Rocky to the TARDIS. I don't want to try and figure out a Time Cat. Sorry, Rocky, no offense." "None taken. I don't want to be away from my catnip mouse for too long. He gets ideas about hiding." The cat said. "Thank you for returning Rocky! He isn't really my cat. More like I'm his Time Lord. River please leave him on the TARDIS. He isn't fond of Missy and needs his mouse." The Doctor said as the cat rubbed against her. " How did I not know you had a cat the whole time I was with you? " Donna asked. Clara seconded the question. "I saw you the whole time. I just don't let myself be seen. By the way Clara, did your rash ever clear up? " Clara was mortified. "Y-yes. It was just prickly heat. But how did you know? Don't answer that!" The Doctor left and Donna gave a very long lecture. " I have a surprise for you! " Donna said one morning. Everyone was so curious they left their breakfast. What could it be? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? Donna seemed happy so it must be a good thing. Donna handed them a box. Inside was a plant. "The rules say you can't have a pet but nothing says you can't have a plant." This was new and unusual. Missy couldn't hurt it, no fleas or vet bills, and it was easy to care for. "Now you can watch it grow and flower." Donna was thanked and even Missy wanted to hug her. A plant was a good compromise.


	71. Missy's Peculiar Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A blow to the head makes Missy... Not Missy anymore. Suddenly she is a small child and stuck in an adult's body.

Missy was leaving the shower one morning and slipped. One moment she was walking out of the bathroom and the next she was looking into two very concerned faces. "What are you looking at? I hurt my head. Where's my mummy?" River and Clara looked at each other in astonishment. Did Missy really just ask for her mother? "Who are you? Where am i?" Missy looked around, worried. " We are... Uh... Friends of your... Uh... Do you know your name? " Clara had nothing else to say. "I don't remember. Why are there bars? Did I do something wrong?" Missy looked like she might cry. " No! This is a... We are waiting on your mother! That's right! You are safe with us! " Clara said. 

Of course Donna noticed something was amiss. Missy was acting more childish than usual. The prim and proper manners were gone and suddenly Missy wanted to eat with her fingers. "What are you doing? Use your spoon please." Missy pouted. " Come on, just eat your porridge. " Clara coaxed. "It's yummy!" River said. Missy wasn't too sure, her mother hadn't made it, but it was good. "That's better!" Donna said. Donna became concerned when she saw Missy carrying around her blanket. Missy never carried her precious blanket around, she always left it under her pillow nicely folded. " Missy, why do you have your blanket with you? " Missy looked scared, "I always carry my blankie! Where is my mummy?" Donna was surprised. Missy never referred to it as her "blankie" and she certainly NEVER asked for her "mummy!" " Are you alright? " Donna asked. "No... I need to go potty." She said. " River, why don't you help Missy with that? " Donna suggested. River was taken aback, she never in a million years thought she would be helping a grown woman use the toilet. But Missy wasn't grown at the moment. "Alright." She said. "Clara, while they are gone maybe you can tell me what is going on with Missy?" Donna looked expectantly. "She hit her head and now thinks she is a Time Tot again." " Oh,dear! We need the Doctor. " But the Doctor was nowhere to be found. "Hey, Missy! I have a puzzle, wanna do it?" Clara asked. "Okay." Missy was becoming more comfortable and had stopped asking for her mother. By lunch the puzzle was complete and Missy was nodding. "Nap!" River said. "No!" Missy replied. "Yes!" River said. And before another word was said, Missy found herself in bed falling asleep. "Finally! Have you told Amy?" River asked Donna. "Yes. And there is nothing we can do but hope she comes back to her senses. You will just have to keep her occupied. I'll bring in some things for her to play with and let Yas know about this. You did make sure she's at a fully potty trained age, right?" River hadn't even thought of that. "No. I assumed she was. At least she knows what to do and wasn't upset at not having a penis. She still has some things stored deep in her memory. She even answers to 'Missy ' which is great because I have no idea what her mother named her." As it turned out, Missy was around three and fully potty trained. River was happy about that! At least she wasn't going to be changing Missy. After the nap Missy took to playing with her blanket. River had known the Doctor loved her blue and green blanket beyond words. Why Time Lords had such an attachment to their baby blankets nobody knew. If River had to guess, it had something to do with that being the first thing they were wrapped in after birth. Missy was very attached to her blanket and was not letting it out of her sight. If it had been a real Time Tot it would have been cute. Missy had a book and was reading. "Counselor Carl and the Senator's Secret." It was a favorite book. River never could understand the appeal of the quiet counselor and the logical solutions he came up with. But to a Time Lord the character was the equivalent of a superhero. As for Missy, right now she was convinced the man was real. Nobody had the heart to contradict her. It would have the same effect as telling a human three year old there was no Santa. Missy would have been crushed. So for her sake they all put up with the character. Missy was enjoying a play set and the action figures when Yas came on. "Donna told me what happened and I brought some old toys from home." She said. Her parents saved several of the toys she and her sister had as small children. "For the grandbabies." They said. But since it would be a few more years before babies started to arrive, Yas borrowed a few toys. " Missy, bedtime. " Clara said. It was seven thirty and she could tell Missy was fading fast. "But I wanna play with the toys!" Missy cried, stamping her foot. "Tomorrow. Right now it's bedtime." Missy was so tired she didn't have the energy for a tantrum. River told her a story that had Missy asleep before she even got to the third little pig's house. " Well, I guess that's that for today. I think I'll retire early if you don't mind. " River said. Clara followed suit. Clara woke up to Missy standing over her. "I wet the bed." Missy looked like a small child. "Alright. Let's get Yas." Clara was sympathetic, she knew accidents happen and Missy wasn't at fault. Yas was ready with clean sheets and pajamas. Once Missy was back in bed and asleep, Clara went back to bed. When Missy woke her the second time saying, "I had a bad dream." Clara let her sleep in her bed. Early in the morning Missy said "Clara, why the hell am I in your bed!? " "You are back! Good! Now get in your own bed." That day Missy teased Clara and abused River. She argued with Donna and was generally a huge pain. None of this seemed to anger anyone. Actually, the smiles were more than Missy could take. But River just smiled at Clara and said "She's back."


	72. Winter means a happy River

"Hold still, Missy! I can't measure you if you continue to wiggle around." River said as she held the tape measure. "I'm sorry but I don't need a new sweater." Missy said. "You have ruined your other ones! And besides, I'm measuring your head. You need a hat for winter." River wasn't wrong about that. Missy had gotten her issued hat so dirty and stretched out and had stolen both River and Clara's hats and ruined them as well. "You will be the warmest Time Lord here." River said. " I'm the only Time Lord here. Until the next time your awful wife shows her face. I don't know how much more unaccommodating I can possibly be! I slam her fingers in the door, I stole her sonic, I poison her, she just keeps coming back! I might as well give you a nasty disease. Maybe that will do the trick. " River suddenly had the tape measure around Missy's neck and was strangling her. "Enough, River!" Donna said as she ran in the cell. "I knew giving you a tape measure was a bad idea. Your mother has too much faith in you!" River found herself cuffed to the bench outside the cell. "You need to calm down. And as for Missy, it's no yard time today. Not that anything I do would be effective anyway. You two need to get along." "Clara please make a fist." River was at it again, knitting a pair of mittens. "Which color? Gray? Or blue?" Clara thought about it and said "surprise me." River took that to mean blue with gray snowflakes. River loved winter. She knitted and knitted and knitted. Her mother had more than enough afghans and sweaters. Every new baby was gifted so many knitted sweaters the parents started planning due dates for winter. Even the Doctor loved the socks and blankets her wife made. Every bedroom in the TARDIS had at least three or four blankets. And every time River joined her wife she brought something new. "Missy, I finished your sweater." River said a few days later. She had made a beautiful navy blue sweater with gray dots. Missy was thrilled! "Thank you, River! I love it!" She cried. Missy stopped short of hugging River, she still considered her a rival. "River had finished a lovely green sweater for her mother and was making a red one for her father. The Doctor would get a new multi colored scarf and hat when she next visited. Maybe a new blanket and some pillows would be a good idea too. She just couldn't stop knitting. Would the TARDIS like a box cozy? The Doctor had said 'no,' but she could charm her wife into wanting one. The TARDIS might appreciate one. Everyone said it was silly. "Now you are just acting crazy River! " Donna said. "Maybe you should see a shrink about this?" In a matter of weeks River had made both Missy and Clara enough sweaters, scarves, hats, mittens, blankets, and socks to last several winters. They donated the majority of it to a shelter. River didn't notice as she just kept knitting. "River, you can do other things, you know." Donna said. "Play games, run away, start a fight, run away, make a bomb, collect football cards, maybe run away, take up cross stitch, escape. I'll even let you take up the cello! Or you could just run away! That would make this a whole lot easier." Donna was desperate. The cell only seemed smaller when River finished a project. River took Donna's advice, (sort of) and got a different hobby (not exactly). Crocheting! By the time every shelter, home, crisis pregnancy center and prison was begging for the deluge of items to stop, River had crocheted her cell mates out of the cell. "No more!" Donna said one day after Clara threatened to BLIND River with the crochet hook. River may be without knitting needles or crochet hook but she wasn't without imagination. She started using her pens and continued knitting. Realizing nothing was going to stop her, Donna decided on another tactic. She handed River an embroidery set and said, "this should help." River was pleased at a new hobby. She turned out to be a methodical stitcher and it took her several days to learn. She was happy for the activity but sad about her knitting needles. She was planning on making a hat and scarf for her father. Maybe a monogrammed shirt? No! Perhaps she should get those needles back. Of course wearing Donna down was a must, but that didn't take long. Donna had been loathed to give such a small sharp object to an inmate. Especially one who was known for violence. Blunt knitting needles were easier to spot. River knitted from the first of October to the first of March. When spring was around the corner she put up her needles. "I think I should stop about now. Soon everyone is going to be changing from winter to spring." She sighed and Missy said , "You have knitted us out of house and home! There is no place for a nap! Your knitting is annoying and keeping me awake." Looking around made River keenly aware of how right Missy was. No place to sleep. No place to walk, almost no place to stand. "Do us a favor and go back to archeology! " And since it was almost warm River took a trip to some distant planet. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief knowing the knitting deluge was done for a few months.


	73. Getting along?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and Missy are getting along. That's good? Right?

River and Missy fought from the moment they woke up until Yas threatened them. What did they fight about? Everything. Poor Clara was constantly complaining of a headache from all the fighting. "Missy, River, just shut the hell up! I'm tired and want to sleep." Clara said. They shut up, after Yas gave them a stern warning. "Missy, do you ever get tired of hearing your own voice?" River asked at breakfast. Missy poured her cereal over River's head. This lead to a fight and Donna had to separate them. "I wish you two would just get along for once!" She said as she pulled them apart. " Stop acting like children and clean this mess up! Then maybe you can act your age. " Donna handed the mop and bucket over. River went to bed and laid down. "What the hell are you doing?" Donna asked. "You said act my age. I'm well over five hundred years old. I should be dead! So I'm acting dead." River replied. " Let me help you. I can stop your acting and have you really dead in moments! " Missy said. "Absolutely NOT!" Donna exclaimed. "You are both going to clean up your mess." The whole day was one big fight. Missy broke the lock on the bathroom door and any time River used it she would open the door and stare at her. River stole Missy's blanket and threatened to destroy it. Donna took it and said , "You get this back at bedtime, Missy." In retaliation Missy tried to beat up River. This did not end well. Clara was trying to stay out of the way but ended up being knocked unconscious. "That's it!" Donna was at the end of her rope. By the time she had finished 'lecturing' them with a strap, making sure sitting was impossible for at least a week, River and Missy didn't feel much like fighting anymore. The next day was very different. Missy and River got along! Donna was surprised. She never expected to see those two behave. But all of a sudden the fighting stopped. River, instead of arguing over the shower, let Missy go before her. Missy actually complimented River on her hair. And breakfast was like a dream. "Would you like to have my book? I'm almost done with it." Missy offered. " Thank you! I would love to read it. " River replied. Donna was on cloud nine. Clara no longer had a headache and was able to see straight. With Missy and River acting so nice to each other she relaxed for the first time in a very long time. All the tension she didn't realize she had suddenly melted away and she smiled. "Clara, please hand River this book." Missy said. River had always wanted to read Counselor Carl, but the Doctor never shared those books with her and Missy just didn't share. Oh, she could have stolen them of course. But some things are best left alone. Now she had a chance to see what all the fuss was about. Counselor Carl was boring! It made River drowsy and she wondered what child would find such a character fun. Of course, it had to be a Time Lord! "Clara, want to play a game?" Missy asked. Clara was surprised! Missy never wanted to do anything unless it benefited her. This was new. In a short while Clara was almost bowled over by Missy playing by the rules! "You didn't cheat! You actually won the game and didn't cheat!" Donna was surprised and shocked. Missy always cheated. But apparently she could play by the rules if she wanted to. River asked Missy if she wanted her cookie. Most baked goods never made it to this unit. Getting a cookie was a rare treat. When River said " Missy, would you like my cookie? " Clara almost had a heart attack. She would NEVER offer her cookie to either cell mate. Donna was just at a loss for words and booked them both an appointment with the doctor. "They are fine. No fevers, no vomiting, no diarrhea, no rash, no chills, no aches!" The doctor said. " I didn't hurt them when I hit them yesterday, did I? " Donna asked, concerned she did some irreparable damage. "No. Not unless their brains traveled to their legs. And I have never seen that happen in twenty years of experience." The doctor said. " You want me to find out why my daughter is suddenly behaving herself and making nice with Missy? " Amy said in a confused tone. Maybe Donna needed to see a doctor. "Donna, I have no idea why they are acting nice to each other and I don't much care. If things keep up I might be concerned, but you are worrying over a single chocolate chip cookie. I think if this keeps up I might get concerned, but not right now. Things will go back to normal." Amy was sure of that. Missy asked River if she wanted to do a puzzle. " The one with the bridge and the deer? "Asked River. "Actually I have a Counselor Carl puzzle that I've been saving. Clara, join us in a puzzle?" Missy asked. Clara was surprised but knew this was probably a one time only thing. "Alright. I've never done a Gallifreyan puzzle before." " Dinner time. " Donna called. "So soon? But we just started." Missy said. " No. You started four hours ago. Now it's supper time and you can work on your puzzle later. " Donna still thought something must be wrong with Missy and River. But since they were getting along so well she wasn't going to take it for granted. After supper was over and Yas was on duty the puzzle was finished. "What's the picture again?" Asked Clara. "The inside of the Senate. See. Here is Carl talking with the president. And over here is Senator Hane. " Missy said. "Alright you three, lights out in ten minutes." Yas said. No fighting over who got to brush their teeth first? No yelling? Wishing each other a good night? Donna wasn't kidding! These two were acting like friends. Yas just watched. Maybe something would change in the night? No. Nothing happened. Well, nothing out of the ordinary. River still threw things and Missy still needed help in the bathroom. After so long, Yas thought, Missy should not need to be reminded she wasn't a man any more. But for some reason which nobody knew, she still thought she was one when she was half asleep. This was the oddest job in the world and nobody would believe what happened if she told them. The next day was more of the same. And so was the next week. Clara and Donna could take no more of this. "Amy please! They are best friends now! " Donna pleaded. This wasn't right. Amy decided to call the Doctor. This was too serious. "Doctor, are they going to be okay?" Asked a very worried Donna. "They are perfectly fine, I'm happy to report!" The Doctor said. "And just to make double sure, I had the TARDIS Check them out. All is well, no injuries or illnesses. Ulterior motives, yes!" " You can tell they have an ulterior motive? " Donna was impressed. "No, don't be silly! But since they aren't sick and nothing is making them act this way, the only other option is motive. The question is what do they have to gain by acting like chums?" What did they gain? Donna's confidence! Amy saw this about six weeks later and pounced! "YOU TWO ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!" She shouted. " Making Donna believe you are friends just so her guard would be let down and you could escape! I guess this means I will have to punish you both! " "But Mummy!" River gave a great performance of being hurt. "Don't you 'but mummy' me! Stop the pouting and act like an adult! That goes double for you, Missy." Amy had the perfect punishment in mind: " No spaghetti and meatballs for Missy and no tacos for River! One month! " While this may not seem like much of a punishment, those foods were loved so much that this was a lower blow than being hit! Neither thought they could stand watching the other eat their favorite foods. Clara was eating a hermit, (gingerbread cookie with raisins) and being watched by her cell mates. They didn't get cookies. No, Clara was told not to share, which was very hard as both Missy and River were watching her looking as pitiful as they could. Never again would they pretend to get along. They were confirmed enemies.


	74. Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara has visitors on visiting day. How does she cope with a world that changes while her's doesn't?

Her dad was sitting...somewhere. All visits were done over video chat and that meant no physical contact. Where did he go to visit with her? Nothing in the background gave away any clues. " We are going to have a baby. " Clara heard her father say. "You and your girlfriend?" Clara couldn't believe it. " Fiancee, actually. We are getting married next week. " Her father looked like he might be blushing. Maybe it was the camera. "Also, we are moving, honey. I got promoted and that means moving to headquarters in Amsterdam. I won't be able to visit you for a while. We need to get settled and with the baby...Well, I don't know how to say this but... It would be best if we didn't see each other....The baby, and the wedding..." "Time's up! Say goodbye, Inmate." A guard said. " Bye, Dad. I love you. " Was all Clara managed to say before the call ended. 

Clara cried all the way back to her cell. Tears blinding her, refusing to go away. How she wished her hands were free so she could wipe them away. Knowing what was coming (for it always did.) River and Missy braced themselves for the flood of tears. Once the chains were removed, Clara ran into River's arms sobbing. "There, there. Let it all out." River said as she held her friend. " H-he sai-sai-said he can't visit me anymore! " Clara sobbed. Donna handed over a box of tissues. "Here you go." She said. Missy did what she never did and sat beside River, comforting Clara.

Clara cried so hard even Missy thought there must be something wrong with her. "Have some water." She said, offering her a cup. Clara accepted it, thanking Missy. River let her cry. River never let anyone cry. But she let Clara. When supper arrived, Clara refused to eat. "But you like meatballs." Donna was worried and River assured her that everything would be alright. " Let Me and Missy take care of this. She just needs time. " River said. Clara cried herself to sleep and continued crying in her sleep. Missy went over and tried soothing her. She rubbed Clara's back until the sobs quieted.Yas was sympathetic, she had no idea what she would do if she were in Clara's situation. But losing the ever coveted visit must be like someone shooting you point blank. That would hurt. She left Missy to comfort Clara, unconcerned about Missy's actions. If anything happened, Yas knew River would take care of it. "Clara, please eat. You haven't touched your food in two days!" River was worried. Finally she got Clara to eat a few bites. "Want to go outside? Or to the library?" River asked. Clara shook her head. "My world isn't changing and his is!" Clara sobbed. "New wife, New baby, New home! No room for me!" Missy hugged Clara saying, " You are lucky you even get visitors. I can't remember the last time someone wanted to come see me. " Sure the Doctor visited but mainly for River. " Is there anyone who would want to visit you?" Clara asked. Missy thought about that. In truth, nobody not even her mother wanted to visit. Not that she cared. (Except she did) Clara perked up a bit after Donna made her take a nap. She even felt like eating dinner. For the first time in days she went to sleep and slept well. "I'm sorry about your dad. But you still have Ashildr." Said Yas. That was true! Ashildr visited every two months without fail. "When is her next visit?" Clara asked excitedly. " Three more weeks. You have something to look forward to! " Yas smiled. Clara slept in peace and so did her cell mates. This visit was something to look forward to.


	75. Missy hates Clara

"HELP! HELP! HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPP! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!" Clara screamed, causing Donna to rush to her aid. " Missy don't you dare! " She said, pointing two tasers directly at the Time Lord. "Let her go or you'll regret ever being born!" Donna said as she threatened to pull the trigger. " Can I take a shower for five minutes without you two having trouble? " River asked as she left the bathroom. "Apparently not." Said Donna. " Now, let Clara to and all will be fine. " She coaxed. Missy decided not to listen and started strangling her. She was just about to snap Clara's neck when a sudden jolt sent Missy flailing. "New type of taser. Ten times the voltage. Try anything again and you will be in more pain than I can describe." Donna said. Missy was coming to and was startled by Donna's words. Clara didn't care if they had a taser with enough force to run a car. She ran to River who comforted her. "Just stay by me. Missy won't hurt you if she thinks you aren't worth the trouble. And nothing shuts her down faster than a 'talk' with me." Clara did everything to stay away from Missy. But it was impossible! Missy was everywhere. She teased Clara at breakfast, stealing her cereal and laughing. River gave Missy the only warning she would get. Missy didn't care at all. As long as she got her fun with Clara, River could make all the threats she wanted. Besides, she would leave Clara alive after she had her fun. River just needed to relax and join her in terrorizing Clara. Missy did everything in her power to taunt and tease Clara. She tried the visit angle. "I guess your daddy doesn't love you enough to visit. That's too bad." She said. " He isn't near a location that has UNIT grade security for video visits. And besides, he still sends me letters. " Clara replied. "You sure that's the only reason? Because if he can send mail surely he can make the effort to visit." Missy said. "Mummy died? Oh, did you kill her? From her picture i think I would have taken her out before she could introduce herself. So, how did you get away with it?" Missy asked, knowing this was a particularly sore spot in Clara's life. "Leave me alone. River, she's doing it again!" Clara sobbed. Once River calmed her down she made sure Missy never said anything like that again. River noticed when Missy tried to trip Clara on the way to the doctor's office. it was flu shot season, and everyone got one. Clara went first, she was the easiest. River hated needles so much, she blacked out. But Missy had to be the worst. Clara coaxed her down from a cabinet before holding her hand while the nurse gave a Time Lord flu shot. (Equal to two human doses of flu vaccine.) "Thanks, Clara." Missy said. "But, why are you being so nice to me?" " Because I remember being afraid of needles. " Was all she said.

Missy was surprised by this. Clara afraid of needles? "Most small children are." Donna explained. "All over! You did very well!" The nurse said. Missy was preoccupied wondering why Clara would act so nice to her. " I don't get it. " She said to River. "Why is Clara so nice?" " It's just her nature. " Said River. Clara had stumped Missy. Why was she so nice? Why didn't she try and beat her up? Clara was no fun when she was nice. Actually, Missy was convinced that nobody could have fun while being nice. Missy was frustrated and just wanted to hit Clara. With River right there a fight would become more like a beat down. Missy was still getting no peace and finally, after hours of thought, she did the only thing she could do; she talked to Clara. "Why are you so nice to me?" Missy asked. "Because you deserve compassion too. Whether or not you want to admit it, you still have some feelings. Your fear made you try and hurt the nurse. Your worry about my being nice to you makes you mad. The Doctor makes you feel bad. You see everything she has and want that happiness too. You deserve compassion, so I give you some compassion." Clara said. Missy wasn't convinced. Missy woke up with her arm throbbing. Yas was still on duty and the clock said 2:40. Missy went to look at her arm in the bathroom mirror. It was bright red and twice it's normal size. The puncture mark was oozing blood. Missy screamed. She had never had this happen to her before. In a few seconds Yas was there, looking at Missy's arm. "We need to get you to the medical unit." Yas said reassuringly. She placed a phone call. Having been woken by the screams, River and Clara went to see what was happening. Missy looked pathetic. She was in tears and her arm looked awful. Clara and River moved to allow the medical team in. "You have a nasty reaction there." Said one. " I want Clara. " Missy said. This was a surprise. She hated Clara. Why would she want her with her? But Missy was insistent and Clara was allowed to join her. "You don't think they'll take off my arm, do you?" Missy asked. " No. They will start by examining you and going from there. " "You have a bad reaction to the injection. I'll make a note of it in your file and they won't give you one next time. Now, I'll just get you some antibiotics and see about making you feel better." The Doctor left and soon Missy was given small cup with some medicine in it. "You'll feel better after you take this." A nurse said as she handed over the small cup. " Now you just lay back and let this ice pack help your arm. " Missy was tucked in and, despite many protests, Clara was taken back to her bed. Missy was back to her self in a few weeks. She still went after Clara, but without the force. It was as if her desire to kill had become a desire to annoy. She didn't cause any harm, but she did spoil the ending to several books and stole some of Clara's things. Missy even beat Clara occasionally, but she never caused any real pain. River and Donna shook their heads, Missy was one odd person.


	76. Fighting and Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Corporal punishment, you have been warned.

It was no secret that River and Missy both loved a good fight. Actually, it was hard to keep them from throwing punches and pulling joints out of sockets. Not that Donna didn't try. Oh, she did everything to make those two get along, all to no avail. She handcuffed them together and they fought. She took away privileges and they fought. She took away meals and sent them to bed early. Finally, she did the one thing she hated doing and picked up the leather strap. 

Things got worse when Clara joined in. Usually she watched from a safe place, like under the bed. But today she had enough of being the spectator and decided to throw a few punches of her own. Donna was amazed. Also she was upset but making, she was surprised at Clara. It took a minute for her to remember she was in charge and place a stop to the fight. "On the bench, NOW!" Donna barked. Clara wasn't used to being punished. A few slaps on the wrist here and there, nothing like this. Donna opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out the strap. Clara's heart sank. She had never been hit by Donna before. Donna hated this almost as much as the inmates. But it was the punishment the handbook said to use. River and Missy were used to this. Not that they liked it. Donna used a strap with studs attached to it. This left marks and scratches on their skin and left them unable to sit for several days. "River, you're first!" Donna barked again. She cuffed her to the bars of the cell and gave her a whipping. Once River was finished, Missy took her turn. Donna didn't want to do this to Clara. The inmate who shouldn't be there. The one who asked her for hugs and still cried at night. She was strong, she had to be. You didn't get to travel with the Doctor if you were a coward or weak. Donna used the regular strap. She wasn't upset with Clara. After so long anyone would be inclined to join a fight. But rules were rules, and Donna only did the minimum to punish Clara. She knew it would be a while before she had to do this again. Three inmates stood in their cell, looking very sorry. The only one who was really sorry was Clara. She never should have gotten involved. They could have really hurt her. Donna had gone easy on her but it still hurt. Fighting wasn't Clara's usual last time, normally she was not much for physical confrontation. Now all she wanted was her mother. The one person she couldn't have. Nobody was much for talking the rest of the day. Other than the usual "pass the pepper" at supper, nothing was really said. By the time Yas came on, everyone had already gone to bed. This was a surprise! But after reading the day's report, everything made sense. She would be there if they needed her. But, of course, they didn't. It took a few days for everyone to be able to sit down comfortably again. Sleeping also became easier. The next time a fight broke out, Clara decided to hide under the bed. It was safer and the consequences were less painful. Missy and River never seemed to really care about being punished. They enjoyed fighting and if that got them into trouble then trouble they'd be.


	77. Punishments and Surprises

Missy and River always went at it over Missy's blanket. Missy didn't find it funny. On this day River had covered it in toothpaste and left it on Missy's bed. "RIVER YOU PEST! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BLANKET?" Missy shouted. Donna was unlocking the cell before Missy had finished her sentence. "River Song! You are coming with me!" Donna said, handcuffing the obstreperous inmate and taking her to the office. Having a parent as your warden may sound awkward. It was beyond uncomfortable for both River and Amy. "Hi Mum!" River said as she entered the office. " Inmate Song! Really? You choose now to call me mum? I mean, when I last saw you... What am I saying? You aren't here for a casual chat. You willfully stole an object and damaged it! Now, you will just have to be punished. I'm taking your journal for the next month. And no visits from the Doctor, your father, or anyone else. " If Amy had locked River in a box it wouldn't have hurt as much. River was visibly upset and paid no attention to Donna, who took her back to the cell. "River, are you going to eat?" Clara asked with concern. " Oh, no. You can have it. " River said absentmindedly. "That's not what I was asking. You didn't eat lunch and now is supper. I know it's not the best food, but the hamburger is really very good." Clara coaxed. River nibbled at it. It wasn't the best food but it wasn't the worst either. Clara calmed down a bit and finished her own food. "River, don't you think you'd be more comfortable if you put your pajamas on?" Yas asked. " Right. Pajamas. " River said but didn't move. "Maybe brush your teeth?" Yas coaxed. " Oh yes! Brush my... " River trailed. "Do you need help?" Asked Clara. "No. I'll get to it." " But River, you have been going in circles like this all day. Please, let's just go to bed. " Clara said. "River, if you don't go to bed I'll...." Yas didn't have the heart to finish threatening. It took lots of coaxing and cajoling but by midnight River was in bed. "River, close your eyes. As fun as it may seem, sleeping with your eyes open isn't good." Yas was getting very concerned. The next day Clara was surprised when Amy came in. "I see you need reinforcements." She sat down at the table next to River. " River? Don't you want to eat? " She asked. "I haven't seen her eat since yesterday." Missy said. Even she was concerned, and Missy was never concerned. At least never for anyone that wasn't herself. But she knew all too well that if River left so did her main target. Clara was fun, but River was able to take more than Clara. Breaking your main target was very bad. Missy knew this and wanted to keep River around for a long time. Amy had to get River to eat. She picked up a spoonful of porridge and said, "Here comes the choo choo." River did nothing. "Come on, River!" Amy said. She didn't know how long her daughter could go without food, and she didn't want to find out. "Melody Pond! Eat your food!" Amy said sternly. River listened. River had no desire to do anything. Even picking a fight with Missy didn't sound fun. This worried Donna greatly, River never gave up the opportunity to fight. She was usually so happy and full of life that this turn was concerning. Clara went over and sat next to River. She took her hand and said, "You know, I think you need a nap. I can see you didn't sleep much last night." River didn't complain. Really, she only had about an hour of sleep and even that was full of tossing and turning. Clara soon had River sound asleep. "How did you do that?" Asked Donna. "I am a teacher. And I was a nanny for a friend's kids. I know how to get children to sleep. I just used the technique I was taught in school." " So, you mean to tell me you can tame the savage beast as it were? " Donna asked, amazed. "Well, if you mean act like River is a small child then yes. The only thing I didn't do was read her a bedtime story." " All this time you could have kept River and Missy in line simply by treating them like small children? " Donna was incredulous. At least Missy was in counseling, hearing this would just about kill her. "So, you mean to tell me that you have had the upper hand on these two clowns said since day one!?" Donna could not believe what she was hearing. " Not initially. Missy still scares me sometimes, but for the most part I can control these two. " Clara explained. "Don't tell Amy! The last thing I need is for everyone to rely on me to keep Heckle and Jeckle in line." " Right! " Donna suddenly remembered that Clara was only a prisoner and she was the guard. "Teach me your ways! I want to tame these two beasts." Donna was amazed. "Not so fast. I have a few conditions." Clara wasn't stupid and knew an opportunity when she saw one. "First I want more yard time. Second, one extra book from the library. And third, the London Times every Sunday." Donna thought. " No. Yes. And are you kidding me? " "We have a deal. That's all I wanted anyways." But Donna couldn't help feeling like she had just been had. Donna tried Clara's suggestions and found they worked well. Who knew Time Lords responded so eagerly to preschool rules? "River, you are going outside. Please come here." Donna said and was obeyed by a vacant looking inmate. This was great! Once everyone was outside , Donna had the place to herself. But Clara had to deal with a lethargic River. "Come on! Let's walk or play ball." Clara encouraged but River was unable to bring herself to do anything. No journal was hard and no visits from her favorite person was harder. Missy chucked a ball at River. "Catch!" She called. " With your hands not your head, dummy! " River didn't seem able to play. Missy kept up the taunting. "You stupid excuse for a human! Come on! PLAY! Or did Mummy take away your playing privileges too?" That did it ! River hurled the ball at Missy, hitting her square in the face and making her nose bleed. "River! You don't throw the ball that hard! Missy needs to see a doctor." Clara said. After only fifteen minutes Donna had her inmates back. "Clara! Why is there blood on your shirt? Where's Missy?" " Missy had a broken nose and needed to see a doctor. A ball was thrown a little too hard during a game and hit her in the face. " It wasn't a total lie, they had been playing. River just lobbed the ball too hard. No need to place blame. When Missy returned with a big bandage on her nose, River didn't even make fun. "Come on, River! Aren't you going to laugh and tease me?" Missy prodded. But River just shrugged. "Donna, River needs her Mummy?" Missy said in a teasing tone. River got mad. Taking a good hard swing, she broke Missy's jaw. This landed her in solitary and left Missy with a wired jaw. It was a full week until River was allowed back. During that time Missy had made a nuisance of herself. "No, Missy! You have to use the straw." Clara said in a rather pleasant tone. Missy was about to have her lunch and still wasn't too keen on how that worked. "Use the straw. That's right!" Clara encouraged. Missy had to admit the concoction was tasty if unconventional. "Welcome back, River! Join us for lunch." Clara said. It was mac and cheese, one of River's favorite foods. "Missy, please don't blow bubbles in your lunch! You got that stuff all over!" Missy would have smiled but felt it unnecessary. "Missy, you clean your mess this time. You know better." Donna said. Of course Missy knew better, but annoying others was fun. The time in solitary seemed to give River the kick she needed. Now that she was back but Missy wasn't things were boring. She knitted and knitted until Donna took that away. "There is too much knitting going on! You are supposed to be thinking about what you did and feel remorse for your actions. Or at least that was the original concept a few hundred years ago. As far as anyone can tell, this didn't work out. The crime rate is staggering." In a few weeks Missy got the wires removed and River had her journal back. Everything was back to normal. Well... Except for Missy's blanket. It still smelled like mint and Missy hated mint. ~


	78. Stuck

Clara could not believe it! She was left outside in the yard on a miserable day. She wasn't alone, River and Missy had also been unceremoniously shoved out the door. It was the weekend and ,like always, the guards had no desire to watch them. By putting the prisoners outside on a day the yard wasn't used they bought themselves a good chunk of free time. Unfortunately the inmates didn't feel the same. "I was still brushing my teeth." Missy whined. " We didn't even get our breakfast. " Clara sighed. Breakfast would have been nice, even if it was nothing but cornflakes. 

Three hours later and soaked to the skin, River and Missy pulled Clara into a bear hug. "Not for affection, for warmth." Missy stated. While it wasn't ideal, it was warmer than standing alone. " How long do you think they'll leave us out here for this time? " River asked, her frizzy hair even frizzier than usual. "I wish Donna would come." Said Missy. She never thought she would ever want to see someone as badly as she wanted Donna. Morning passed, lunch came and went with no food or shelter. By late afternoon everyone was pounding on the door. Nobody answered. Soon supper passed and night came. "I could eat a dozen horses." Said River. "I don't think you mean that. Although it has a flavor like pork." Missy said. "Gross!" Clara grimaced. " Hey, some planets only eat horse meat. To them it's like beef. " Missy replied. "Still. Not a pleasant thought. Though I could go for a peanut butter sandwich." Clara said. That sounded good to everyone. When the lights came on and night officially began nobody wanted anything but a good meal and a warm bed. Neither were forthcoming. All night and through the next day the inmates were left in the cold rain. By late Sunday it started to snow and ice. Suddenly, the door opened and Donna was standing there. "Get inside! You three look just awful. How long have you been out there?" Donna saw purple lips and soaked clothing, she guessed a few hours of outside time was about right. "S-s-since S-s-Saturday." Missy shivered. "HOW LONG? Let's get you into some dry things and find some food." Donna was livid. She settled them down in pajamas and with bowls of stew. A call to Amy was next. "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG MY INMATES WERE LEFT OUTSIDE?" Donna yelled at a very surprised Amy. "Hello to you too. Why are you calling me at eleven on a Sunday night?" " You need better weekend guards! They left my inmates outside all weekend! Luckily, I forgot some papers and came back. Two days they were outside! TWO DAYS IN THIS WEATHER! " "Donna, no need to shout. I haven't lost my hearing. But I understand your anger. I'll fire them in the morning when I get in. I shudder to think how they have been treating some of the more fragile creatures." Donna didn't even want to think about that. Clara fell asleep on Missy, who didn't mind. She was tired too. River helped both Missy and Clara to bed. When Donna hung up she found all three tucked in bed and sound asleep. Tomorrow they would be left alone. They needed a rest and Donna wasn't one to begrudge them that.


	79. Strep throat and all that jazz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being outside for so long has repercussions. Three cases of strep throat and some mild frostbite make for fun times.

River woke with a sore throat. So did Missy. When Clara grimaced as she swallowed some water, Donna took all three to the doctor. "Strep. Also mild frostbite and pneumonia. I'll give you some antibiotics. River and Clara get pills and Missy gets liquid right?" Asked the doctor. "You sure know us!" Donna was amazed he remembered. They were his biggest clients so he remembered. Ask about any other inmate and he had to look in their charts.

"Missy, it's orange flavored. You like the Orange flavored medicine." Donna coaxed. Missy didn't mind the taste, actually she rather liked it. But swallowing hurt. " Swallow. Swallow. " Donna was almost ready to message Missy's throat. But treating the sick woman like a cat wasn't appealing and Donna tried never to treat her inmates like animals. "Swallow and you get a popsicle." Donna sang. A popsicle sounded good. Missy felt better with the treat slowly soothing her throat. Donna applied cream to the frostbite and kindly asked the kitchen for some chicken soup. After what happened that weekend, the kitchen was one step ahead of Donna and already had some prepared. All Donna had to do was say the word and three piping hot bowls would be delivered. Donna did her best to stick with yes or no questions. She didn't want to hurt anyone by making them talk. She looked up from her paperwork and saw Clara standing at the bars. "Are you hungry?" She asked. Clara nodded and pointed to the clock. "Goodness! It is time for lunch!" Donna exclaimed in surprise. It was past noon and that meant lunch. Soon three hot bowls of soup were being enjoyed by the inmates. The heat felt good against their throats and helped clear their lungs. When all three finished Donna gave them more medicine and popsicles. No way was Missy going to give up a popsicle. It was the only way she would take her medicine. Yas found three silent yet needy inmates. With all the pain everyone was in they couldn't sleep. Now came the need for a bedtime story. "How to clean your howitzer" was as boring as it sounded. Even Missy fell asleep after a few paragraphs. River and Clara tried to hang on but only made it as far as the third page. Yas put herself to sleep reading about something she found dull. For two weeks Donna and Yas nursed their charges. For two more weeks Donna made sure everyone stayed inside. "You aren't getting worse on my watch." She said. "Anymore talk of going out will result in loss of... Donna couldn't think of anything to take away. Being sick meant nobody could go anywhere so everything worth taking was already gone. "I'll think of something. But you three are stuck here until I am given the all clear to let you go anywhere." Another week ensued during which Donna was pestered so hard she actually almost gave in. But when the week was over and everyone was nice and bundled up, Donna let them outside. Oh, what fun they had! But winter had fully set in and it was awful weather. Donna was right there to bring them in and boy, were they thankful about that!


	80. A birthday present to remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor gives Missy something she has always wanted. Missy and the Doctor are happy but everyone else hates the gift.

"Happy birthday Missy!" The Doctor said, handing over a package. What was the Doctor doing giving her a present? Missy wondered. But she tore off the paper and gasped. A Counselor Carl doll! "Doctor, you remembered!" Missy said. " Of course I did. And I got myself the Senator Frodd doll as well. " ( she also had a second Counselor Carl doll but that wasn't important at that moment.) "Want to see if they really interact?" Asked Missy with a sparkle in her eyes that nobody but the Doctor had ever seen before. "Naturally! I couldn't very well have fun by myself with this." The Doctor pulled the doll out of her pocket and both started playing.

"I never thought I would see those two playing together." Donna said. "Are you kidding!? I NEVER thought I'd see those two in the same room as each other!" River said. It was an odd sight, two grown women playing with dolls. "They are not dolls!" The Doctor said. " They are replicas of characters that interact with each other and each says fifteen phrases in addition. " "You mean a doll." River said. " And did you say fifteen phrases? " This could get ugly. River and Clara didn't want to be around for those. As it turned out, the word "phrases" was really not true. Yes the toys talked and interacted with each other. In reality, the doll didn't say phrases, it gave speeches. Looking at the box made River want to kill her wife. "Sweetie, that isn't fifteen phrases. It says FIFTY phrases!" Donna almost had a stroke. Fifteen speeches was bad enough but fifty was just overkill. "Clara do you have any idea how to stop those dolls? Once the Doctor leaves we will still have Missy and she is bad enough without a doll giving long speeches added into the mix." Donna asked. Clara had no ideas. In three days time Missy had gone from annoying to deeply aggravating. Donna and Yas bought earplugs but they were quickly reminded that they needed to hear what was going on in the cell. Amy wouldn't hear of inmates having earplugs. Especially since Missy had a habit of eating anything small. Everyone except Missy was frustrated. "The doll is indestructible!" River said. The string was made of some Time Lord material and couldn't be broken. The doll was unbreakable. Time Lords are great at making things so they don't break. "I don't just have that doll here, I get the exact same thing in the TARDIS! Did you know she has at least two of those things? And not only that, she has costumes for them too! This is just not good." River lamented. " I wish they would at least say "Mama" or "I'll kill you." Or something besides the lectures. I don't think I can take much more. " Clara felt the need to punch Missy. That was out of the question. It wasn't her fault the toy was annoying to humans. (And many adult Time Lords. But they ignored it for the most part.) River planned on taking the doll elsewhere and blowing it up. But Missy was so happy and ,for once, River didn't have the heart to take her doll. Nobody else did either and for three months they all heard the fifty speeches. Eventually, even Missy got bored. By that time everyone knew all fifty speeches by heart. Soon, the doll became part of Missy's bed. Staying there when she went out and being absolutely silent. Until the Doctor showed up. "Like a bad penny you turn up when I need you the least and make trouble." River said. " I'm not here for you. I brought Missy the sticker book for her Counselor Carl sets. Now you have give hundred stickers to decorate with. " The Doctor handed over the book. "Oh, and they glow in the dark. " "At least they don't talk!" River was exasperated. "Oh, but they do!" River took the book, threw it into the TARDIS , and said "Fetch!"


	81. No Pets! Or maybe...

"Can we get a hamster?" Asked River one day. " River! You know you aren't allowed pets! No! No hamster! " Donna replied for the millionth time. "How about a bunny rabbit?" Asked Missy. "No. And before you ask, no cats, dogs, frogs, birds, fish, reptiles, or any other animal." Donna was very annoyed by this point. "You are prisoners and therefore can't have pets. And that means nothing dead or alive or anything else. Nothing!" Missy and River had been asking for years to get a pet. They tried to make Clara their pet but she was not playing along. And besides, pets shouldn't talk back or storm off when they want to be left alone. Clara was not going to be their pet, plain and simple.

Donna looked through her manual. True, no inmate was allowed a pet. But nothing was mentioned about plants. A creeper would do nicely. One call to Amy and a trip to the garden center found Donna talking to River and Missy about being responsible. "I made up a chart. One person waters the plant every other day.  
Don't spill it. And it needs sunlight." Missy and River were so excited to finally have something interesting in their lives. "What should we call it?" Asked River. " It's a plant it doesn't get a name. " Missy said. "Plants have feelings too. Haven't you seen the music study?" " Plants don't play music! " Missy rolled her eyes. Obviously River was crazier than she had thought. "The study with music. Playing classical music versus rock music? One makes the plant grow and one kills it." River tried to explain. Even Clara, who knew what River meant, was surprised. "You know that really isn't a great example. But if you must name a plant make it something good. Not that it can talk back or show affection or anything." Clara went back to her book. " So, no name? " Missy asked. "No. It's a plant after all." River conceded. Of course the plant grew. It started growing, and growing, and growing. Soon it was half way around the cell. "Do you want me to cut it back?" Donna asked. Missy and River were aghast. Cut their plant? Never! Donna hadn't expected the whole plant thing to go over as well as it did. But the plant was too big for the cell now and a new home was needed if they didn't cut it back. "Oh my!" Amy was surprised at how well the plant took. She stopped by to remind River to get a birthday card for Rory. "I don't think I have ever seen a plant like this before." It was spectacular. All the living care was making a difference. "I have an idea." She said before leaving. Several weeks went by and Amy returned saying, " I have a surprise. " Donna cuffed everyone together and they all went to see what Amy had for them. "A green house! It's beautiful." Missy said. " I thought since you did so well with that creeper you might like other plants. And I want to get you out of your cell more. You are the only inmates who aren't waiting transfer or release. And this way you can grow your own food. " Amy explained. The plant was moved and a garden was made. The days does by and soon they were weeding and watering. "This is better than a pet. No shedding and everyone is happy" Donna said to Amy. It seemed like no time before basil and oregano and cilantro were growing. Clara enjoyed the work and felt happier than she had in a long time. Missy and River got along. Donna waited for the other shoe to drop.


	82. The shoe hits the floor. And the ceiling. And just about everywhere else.

Winter came and the green house had to be shut up for the year. River and Missy went back to fighting and even involved Clara as an unwilling participant. THUD. A shoe hit the wall. THUD! It hit the bars. Missy grabbed her shoes and hurled one at River's head. It hit home and River attacked. Before Missy had time to think, River was on top of her. Clara dove under the bed and stayed there while Donna took out two of the highest voltage tasers available. "Walk away, Song and things will go better for you." River looked at the tasers and decided that a few volts of electricity was a small price to pay. She was dead wrong. The tasers were more powerful than anything on the open market. UNIT had given out tasers with voltage high enough to fry a steak. These were experimental and boy did they hurt. River spent the next four days in bed. "Serves you right for going after Missy." Donna said. "She threw a shoe at me." River said. " And if you got my attention that would have been the end of it. " Donna replied. She wasn't in the mood for playing who started what.

With the colder months leading to the closing of the greenhouse, everyone was on edge. Once River recovered, she decided Missy needed to break her nose. Unfortunately, River punched Clara by mistake and now Clara was getting all the attention. River got sent to isolation because Donna couldn't think of anything else. A good scolding was all she gave with two weeks isolation. Missy would have laughed if she wasn't antsy. Clara was trying to move her fingers. " Donna, I don't know what's wrong. " She said, sounding scared. A small cut on the wrist had become Infected and now that infection had traveled. "Medical. NOW!" Donna said. Three shots and a set of antibiotics later, Clara was resting comfortably. Missy read her books and River sat in her cell. Donna had known the other shoe would drop but this was a bit much. River was released and went straight back to fighting with Missy. Three days later they both ended up in enough bandages and casts to make an average human cry. But, of course, they just hurled insults at each other. When Clara could take no more she went to Donna. "Donna, can I be transferred? Maybe a nice isolated cell in the middle of nowhere." " Only if I can join you. " Donna replied. "I wish I could find a firing squad to do the job. But they got life not death. And the sentence is for their full lives. You and I will be dead long before they are. I think I know how to shut them up." " How does one shut up those two when they can't move very well? " Clara asked. "Oh, watch and learn." Donna shrugged. " Who wants to get in trouble? Which one? Because if I hear one more word out of either of you I'll have you two put in a plaster cast together! " That did it! Silence once again reigned. Clara went back to her book. "Clara, what book is that?" Asked Missy. "War And Peace." Clara answered. "Why would you want to read such a thick boring book?" " Because I'm stuck in a prison cell for the rest of my life. Does that answer your question? " Missy preferred her Counselor Carl books and a few by some dictators. None of which was in the prison library. "We don't carry books written by those people. And we don't carry Gallifreyan books. Find something else." Said the librarian. Missy decided on a copy of Grimm's Fairytales. By the time Donna traded her uniform for her regular clothes, everyone seemed to calm down. Well, as calm as they ever were. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something really bad was about to happen.


	83. Say...cheese?

Mug shot day came around once a year. Most inmates didn't mind and saw it as a formality. Missy and River saw it differently. Missy never wanted her picture taken. "You want me to allow my image to be put in a file for all to see?" She asked. " Yes! That's what I want. " Donna replied. Not that she really wanted a picture of Missy. Or anyone else in the prison for that matter. But she had to get three inmates shackled and ready for pictures.

Clara carefully selected and cared for each item she would wear. She didn't want to look sloppy or slovenly. Every hair was in place and all the edges and creases were crisp. If Donna didn't know any better, she would have assumed Clara was getting ready for a school picture day. "It's only a mug shot. Most people look horrible." Donna said. Clara didn't care. She knew anyone could find the photo online and she wasn't going to look horrible. Missy primped and preened, double and triple checking her hair and wishing for some concealer. Always the perfectionist, her uniform rivaled Clara's in crispness. "Donna, may I trouble you for some make up?" She asked. Donna remembered the first, last, and only time she gave Missy makeup. She didn't think eyeliner could be so lethal. Never again would any inmate be allowed makeup. And Amy kept that rule for everyone. "River, please come out. You know hiding under the bed isn't going to work and your mother expects you to look like a human being. You don't want a repeat of last year." Donna reminded. Last year River looked like she had been dragged through the mud. (She had) What did they expect when nobody gave her time to shower after returning from... Somewhere muddy and apparently dangerous. Fifteen different sets of stitches and four antibiotics later made the picture look horrid. "Your mother would have a fit if she saw you like that again." Donna said. But River was stubborn. She stayed under the bed until Donna said, " Your mother will be here in fifteen minutes if you make me call her. It would only take five minutes for you to let me help you look presentable. " Donna reminded. By picture time, River was nicely dressed and sitting with her cell mates. "Missy, look at the camera." A very harried Donna said. " Don't smile! Eyes straight ahead! " A good mug shot. Clara needed no prompting and River just wanted it to be over. "You all did very well." Donna commended. She was talking to River and Missy, Clara behaved most of the time and needed no such praise. But now that they were back in their cell, Missy and River wasted no time making sure they looked like prisoners. Pictures were done and Donna wished she could go home. Things were normal until Missy took on a shade of green that could only mean one thing: Time Lord Flu.


	84. In shambles

It was over! Donna just stared. Amy made some strangling noises and looked shocked. Yas couldn't wrap her head around it. Everyone was staring at what used to be a cell and the remnants of clothing and personal items. Everything was wet. The inmates were covered in scratches and scrapes. River was nursing a broken finger and Clara looked like she had been through a war. Missy appeared to be masking her pain and doing a terrible job of it. This was the worst fight to break out in the prison's history. Amy glowered at her inmates. As the warden she knew this was not supposed to happen. "I don't want to hear about who started what. I just want to know how you three managed to completely ruin your cell and everything in it. I mean, the toilet is completely ruined and the beds are Nothing But twisted metal. The shower head is gone from the wall and I never thought a sink could end up on the table like that! Your uniforms and bedding and everything else is completely destroyed. It looks like a pack of animals... No, animals would never act like that. It looks like you created the biggest mess possible." " I've seen bigger. " River said. Donna stared daggers at her. "HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?" Amy yelled. " Six months if you want it done right. three weeks if you want it fast. " Earl said. "Look, how much will this cost?" Earl calculated and said a number that made Amy speechless. "I should lock them in a dungeon and make them work at cracking rocks! Well, at least they aren't seriously hurt." But Amy was wrong. While Missy and River had been in knock down drag out fights before, Clara wasn't used to such brutality. Neither was her spleen. A few good punches and it burst. Soon Amy found herself waiting for the medical team to get out of surgery. " She'll be fine in a few weeks. I expect she'll recover quickly. " The doctor said. "She'll be able to go back to her cell in a day or two. As long as she takes it easy and no more fighting." Oh, Amy and her guards would make sure that Clara rested. River and Missy could just behave. Since nobody could go back to their cell for the next six months, Amy put them in a very Different cell. Actually, it was three cells. And Donna had a visual on everyone. "This is a great setup. Why didn't we think of separate cells before?" She asked. "It was! But this is a new section. You are the guinea pigs. They can interact with each other and still be separated. Why this wasn't thought of before I don't know." Amy said in a voice that said She really bad no idea why this wasn't tried before. " If this works I might make this move permanent. " Donna liked the sound of that. Nobody had consulted Yas on the move. If anything, it made her job harder. Missy was sleep walking and hit her head. Yas had to make sure there was no damage. River thrashed and threw her pillow. Yas had to calm her down. Clara screamed and cried in her sleep. Yas had to comfort her. All the opening and closing of cell doors made for a tiresome night. Missy had an accident because Yas was taking care of Clara and didn't get out of one cell and into the other fast enough. "When will you remember that you are a woman? You can't pee while standing. You don't have a penis anymore." Yas was annoyed and stressed out and needed her shift to end so she could go home. " How was your night? " Asked Donna the next morning. "Horrible! They need to be in one cell!" Yas explained and Donna understood. Amy realised she hadn't thought about what happened at night. A new cell was needed. But where? " The old storage shed is available. You know it was one of the original buildings. The plumbing is good and the wood stove works like a charm. " Earl was right. But was it escape proof? "I have personally seen to this entire facility's escape proofing. My father did the same before me. And my granddad before him. My son, Tom, will take over from me after the cell is fixed. They will be as safe and sound as if they were locked in a panic room." It was convenient and it would make this headache Amy kept getting lessen. So... The building was very old. Well built and escape proof, but old. Three inmates in one cell wasn't ideal, but it was easier for Donna and Yas to get to them. "Missy, don't shake the bars. That goes double for you too, River. And please, be good." Amy said as she left Yas in charge for the night. Nobody was happy but they had brought this on themselves , as everyone reminded them. The wood stove made for a warm and rather welcoming atmosphere. "It's been an interesting six months. Now, your cell is ready and you can go back. But you will notice some changes." Amy lectured. " First, no more bars. " A plexiglass wall was installed making it easier for Donna and Yas to see in. "Second, you'll find all metal that could be replaced by concrete has been. You will treat your cell with respect. Now, go back to your cell!" Amy finished. It was just as Amy said. Plexiglass, concrete and all. "The cell seems like the best home for those three." Donna said. She and Yas were overjoyed at the new set up. "Now we can see everything!" Yas said excitedly. The inmates weren't happy, but they had been the ones to cause this in the first place. Once everyone was tucked in, Yas watched as they drifted off. This job was awesome and while some things she would never get used to, knowing that the inmates were safe and sound made it worthwhile. A few moments later she was running to help Missy. "Really! You should have this toilet thing down by now. But I guess you can't help it." She smiled. Tucking Missy back in , Yas looked around. The set up was a bit different but in a good way. She could see everything and everyone. And sitting down with her tea to spend the night watching had become a ritual. She wouldn't trade this job for the world.


	85. Age

Missy was well over 2000 years old. Usually she was in good shape for her age. As a Time Lord she wasn't considered very old. Middle age, but not old. But her age was starting to show. "Missy, you need glasses." The eye doctor said. "My eyesight is just fine, thank you very much!" Missy wasn't going to wear any glasses for anyone. Especially someone called ' doctor'. "Just for reading. Not all the time." She was assured. It had been getting harder to read Counselor Carl lately. "They changed the print and made it too small." She complained. Reading gave her headaches. "Eye doctor!" Donna said. And so they had gone.

"Wear your glasses please." Donna said. Missy was trying to read the newest book the Doctor had brought. "Why did they change the print?" She asked. "Nobody changed the print. Put your glasses on." Donna was right! " Oh, that's much better. " "I told you so." Donna said. But sight wasn't the only problem. "Doctor, so you get stiff joints?" She asked. "Sometimes. Especially after I fall asleep under the console of the TARDIS." The Doctor replied. " I thought I told you to stop that! You'll hurt yourself and you aren't getting any younger. " River scolded. She was right. The Doctor knew her wife was right. "If you are tired please sleep in your bed. I don't like seeing you in pain." River was always concerned for her. "Where are YOUR reading glasses by the way?" Asked the Doctor. "What reading glasses?" River acted clueless. " The ones you got six months ago. " Reminded the Doctor. "I think I left them on another planet." River lied. Of course she had them with her. She just wasn't ready to admit her age. Now that Donna knew, River was forced to wear her reading glasses. " You'll thank me when those headaches to away. " Donna said. River couldn't pull the wool over her eyes. "You think I didn't notice your head hurting?" Donna asked. "Well think again!" Amy wasn't happy either. " Use the glasses. You should see the ones your father wears. " Even Rory was aging and needed glasses. "Doctor if you don't sleep in your bed I'll have to-" River didn't finish the sentence. It's not like she could just sleep on the TARDIS every night. The nights might belong to them but more and more often they found themselves too tired and the Doctor in pain. "I'll sleep when I'm dead!" The Doctor said. "I can arrange that." River replied. " You wouldn't hurt your snuggly bear. " The Doctor replied. Missy and Clara giggled. So THAT'S what River called the Doctor. "Want to find out?" River asked. Knowing full well what her wife was capable of, the Doctor decided on something else. "I don't like my bed." She said. " Sweetie, it took us a month to find a mattress you liked. Since we don't share the same bed, you don't have anyone to hit you or strangle you all night. Just go to bed. I promise, you'll feel better in the morning. " River and the Doctor kept separate rooms. River had way too many guns and stolen items for the Doctor's liking. The Doctor kept a very messy room and River didn't like that one bit. Most Time Lords are fastidious about their living areas. However, The Doctor still had no clue what she was. She wasn't a Time Lord, that was for sure. At least not a full one. Yas allowed River to put the Doctor to bed in the TARDIS. At least one person should have a good night of sleep. When River returned to the cell everyone else was getting ready for bed. "You are resting your eyes. I don't care what you want to do." Yas was saying to Missy. The Doctor had given her the newest Counselor Carl comic and Missy wanted to read it. "Here's your blanket and your doll. Now go to sleep." Yas said. A book on Time Lords would have been helpful. A book on their life cycles would have been amazing. River wouldn't live as long as her wife and Missy, but she would be around for at least another century. Missy would be around for who knew how long. Clara would age and die. Nobody wanted to think about what would happen if Missy regenerated into a man again. That would be difficult. But since aging was just a part of every life ( unless you're a rock. Or water.) They all had to accept the process. A good night's sleep put the Doctor in a great mood. "Who wants Chinese food from the Han dynasty?" She asked. Well, everyone wanted that. " Food that is historical tastes better than almost any other food. " Clara said. And she was right. Some things did get better with age. ~


	86. Acting out

Clara was upset and angry. Stuck in a cell for the rest of her life was not the plan. She should be married to Danny and teaching school and raising kids and... So much was lost. Her mother, her lover, her job, her life. It was enough to make anyone angry. And Clara was angry indeed. This was unusual for Clara. She was patient and kind and obedient. But when she sat down and thought about her life, anger was the only thing she felt. "Clara, please make your bed." Donna asked. She never had to ask this yet today she did. This was odd. " No! " Clara said. She looked like she might pick a fight. Donna hadn't the heart to threaten her. But if she let this slide once, she would have to let other things go for other people and that didn't work. "Inmate Oswald! Make your bed!" She said sternly. When Clara still refused, Donna had no choice but to threaten. "If you don't make your bed you'll get no breakfast." She said. Clara thought about this. Soggy cereal and tepid weak coffee? She could do without eating. But Clara forgot that it wasn't soggy cornflakes but rather porridge for breakfast. The prison made extremely good porridge and it was a highlight of the week. The smell was tantalizing and soon Clara made the bed just so she could get some. Thinking about Danny made Clara wish he was there. She wanted to be his wife an the mother to his children. But Missy had seen to his demise. Missy. She started this whole thing! The moment she walked by Clara was the undoing. In a blink, Clara had taken her down and was fighting her. "You! You ruined my life! You killed Danny! I HATE YOU!" She cried as she tussled with the woman who killed her lover. Soon two very strong arms grabbed Clara and pulled her free. River restrained Clara, saying "Stop! Stop. You don't want to get hurt. Calm down and breathe." Clara could do nothing else, River had her in a tight grip. Missy got up and went to the bathroom to see the damage. Nothing that wasn't fixable. " Calm down and I'll let you go. " Said River. She wasn't going to see Clara reduced to a pile of bones and blood on her account. She held the struggling woman tightly and whispered in her ear. "It's alright. Calm down and stop struggling. You don't want to hurt yourself. Calm. Down. Now." Clara was too worked up and it took lots of coaxing and shushing to get her to relax. Wiping away Clara's tears, River held her friend. "It's alright. You can cry all you need to." And cry was exactly what she did. Clara cried and cried until she fell asleep in River's arms. " What is the big deal? He was only human. The cybermen made him better than he was. " Missy said. "Listen, If I hear one word of that talk again you'll have a bigger threat to your health than Clara!" Missy smiled coyly. "Dear, I could have you changed into a cyberman any day I chose." That did it. River attacked and was true to her word. Missy was in need of stitches and a pair of crutches by the time she finished with her. "You beat her up for me?" Clara asked, incredulous. "Yes. You must have been tired because you slept through it." River sat down gingerly. Donna had gone to town on her and tanned her hide pretty good. "I would have taken care of her myself." Clara said. "And she would have killed you. She is taller and stronger than you are. But she did need to get taken down a few pegs. Really, you are not the best for fisticuffs. In a verbal altercation you would do well. But not in a physical one." River was honest. " How can I thank you? " Asked Clara. "Telling me how she ruined your life would be thanks enough." By the end of the story River knew she was justified in her actions. " She made sure you didn't get the happy ending you deserved. That is enough to make anyone angry. " River justified. "I wish things turned out differently. I know I would have been a great mother and wife." Clara said with conviction. "You would have been an amazing mother and wife." Agreed River. " I know it seems like you're wasting your life, but really you aren't. If it wasn't for you Ashildr wouldn't have seen everything she has. And she wouldn't be so happy. You may not know it, but Missy was worse before you showed up. She was a real pain and made life hell. Because you are here she has to think before she attacks. She has a witness to everything. " River encouraged. River and Clara talked until Yas said "I have to turn out the lights now. You two need to go to bed." Clara didn't realize the whole day was gone. " Oh, thank heavens you two are finally going to stop talking! " Said Missy. Who had been present since dinner. "I don't think I could take much more of you." Once in bed Clara fell asleep quickly. River couldn't keep her eyes open. This day had taken everything out of everyone. Now off to sleep they went. And Yas got a nice quiet shift. ~


	87. Too much of a good thing

It was taco night and Missy was trying to steal Clara's tacos. "I have two, you have two, River has two. We all have the same amount and no more. Get your hands away from my tray!" Clara said. The one good night of the week and Missy wanted to spoil it. " Why can't we have tacos and spaghetti and meatballs and chocolate ice cream every day? " Missy asked. She would like that. "You would get sick of it after day three or four." Donna replied. "And besides, there are foods you would miss." " We could have ice cream and spaghetti and meatballs three times a day and never tire of it. " Missy stated. "Oh, yes we would." River and Clara said. But Missy was adamant. She wanted her pasta and ice cream every day.

"Missy, you asked for spaghetti and meatballs and chocolate ice cream. Your wish is granted." Donna said as the food was passed out for breakfast. Missy was ecstatic! River and Clara were not. It wasn't that they didn't like the meal, they didn't want it for breakfast. "I suddenly want my soggy cornflakes and weak coffee." Clara said to River. "I feel the same. But don't tell Missy." Missy ate her food and even stole River and Clara's meatballs. They didn't care. They wanted their usual food and not this. 

Lunch was more of the same and by dinner Missy was the only one eating. "I could go for some bread and water." Clara said. "You aren't the only one!" River said. Bread and water sounded really good. "Missy, you can have this again tomorrow if you want." Donna said. Missy was on cloud nine. This didn't get much better. "Oh, yes! Please!" Clara and River glared.

By the second day even Missy was getting tired. " Please, can I have something else for lunch? ANYTHING but this? " Missy asked. "I thought you liked spaghetti and meatballs and chocolate ice cream enough to eat it three times a day and not get sick of it." Donna said. "I can't stand it anymore! Please! Bread and water would be better." Missy begged. "Alright. But I hope chicken and spinach is good enough." Donna said. She was sick of making the same food over and over. The kitchen laughed when she asked if they would make this meal for days on end. But chicken and spinach sounded like a good meal.  
"With potatoes?" Asked Clara. "Is there any other way?" Donna said.

Missy still went crazy every time she had her favorite food. But she wasn't as keen to try and eat so much of it again. " I like spaghetti and meatballs with chocolate ice cream, but chicken and spinach with potatoes is very good as well. " River said. Missy was deep in thought and didn't notice Clara and River steal her entire dinner. "You ate the same thing for the last three days! We haven't touched our food in that long. You can give us your food for one meal." River reasoned. Missy knew she was right but she still acted upset. "I'LL KILL YOU, RIVER SONG!" She yelled, chasing her cell mate around while Clara laughed.


	88. Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter contains mentions of bodily functions and fluids. If you are easily grossed out or bothered by the mention of natural bodily processes please skip this chapter.

Many things about being an inmate were hard. Using the bathroom was one of them. Clara would have liked to pee without an audience. But such things didn't occur in prison and she was lucky enough to be in a cell with a 'private' bathroom. Well, it had a plexiglass door with privacy panels but that wasn't much better. Everyone knew everyone's business and when they did their business. 

The worst part was that Missy had a bad habit of watching whoever was in the bathroom. This made Clara nervous. It was difficult enough to go already, but with Missy around it was almost impossible. This led to some embarrassing problems. "You know you really should drink more water, dear. You are going to get dehydrated if you don't. And you haven't had enough fiber lately." Missy said. Clara blushed and River said, "Leave her alone, Missy." This was ignored. " You haven't moved your bowels yet today. Are you feeling ok? " Missy asked Clara who turned an even deeper shade of red than was almost humanly possible. "You are not to talk about anybody's bowels! Please! You are living together. Nobody talks about you and your bodily functions. Stop talking about things that don't concern you." Donna said. Missy smirked. That was the reaction she wanted.

Clara was embarrassed. She had to go but Missy was watching her intently. "If you have to relieve yourself dear, go ahead. The bathroom is open." Missy smiled that smile that sent shivers down Clara's spine. Wetting herself was almost preferable to Missy watching her. River was no help. She didn't like being watched either. Missy was even more blunt with River. "You really need to lay of the dairy. You pass wind like a cowboy after three bowls of beans. And your bowel movements could clear out a group of Cybermen." Missy said. River ignored her. Clara hated using the bathroom. The one time she should be alone she was still with people. Even when Missy broke the lock and kept opening the door on the hapless occupant, Clara was loathed to pee, but she knew she couldn't hold it much longer. If Missy wanted to watch then it would just have to be. Missy did watch and smirk. "You are peeing a lot, you must have been holding that in for a long time. Not time for your monthly visit from aunt Flo? Too bad. You really should get that checked. You could be pregnant for all You know." Clara finished and Paid no attention to Missy. Missy had to use the toilet. It was the middle of the night and she was awake enough to get into the bathroom but still not awake enough to remember she wasn't a man anymore. "Missy! Not again!" Yas entered the cell and guided Missy to sit down properly. it wasn't pretty, and Missy made a mess in the process. Clara woke and watched. Missy needed help using the bathroom. This was useful. River would think so too. Clara woke her up. "What are you showing me at this hour?" River complained. Seeing Missy Fight off Yas was interesting. Seeing that Missy had peed herself was even better. Now they had some leverage. "Don't forget to sit. Or maybe you would prefer a diaper." Said River. Missy had a thick skin but even this was a sore spot for her. "You are in the women's side of the prison. That means you have a vagina and not a penis. You do understand the difference, right?" River kept going. " RIVER YOU ARE SUCH A JERK! LET ME GO IN PEACE! " Missy yelled. "You want peace? While you go to the bathroom? You want privacy? Give Clara and me some privacy and we'll think about giving you some." River was angry. If Missy wanted peace when she used the bathroom she would have to afford the same courtesy to both cell mates. "Fine." Missy growled. Missy was lying, of course, but it got her what she wanted. River wasn't lying and made sure to watch every time Missy entered the bathroom. "Do you mind? I want to go in peace." Missy said. " Leave us alone and we will give you the same treatment. " River replied. Eventually Missy gave in. She wanted to relieve herself in peace like the others. If she had to keep quiet and ignore the bathroom, she could. That meant no commenting on anyone. It was hard but worth it. Clara was still embarrassed by not having real privacy but she didn't expect the whole universe to change just for her. The bathroom was never mentioned again. At least not in the context of use. It occasionally clogged and someone would have to fix it. But in a normal everyday sense all was well. Until a brief period where a new chef took over the kitchen. He was a former American fireman and served ten alarm chili. One meal was all it took for every inmate to need the facilities. That was the only the chili was ever served. Nobody wanted a repeat. No matter how good the chili was.


	89. Another day another disaster

When Donna woke everyone she didn't expect anything out of the ordinary. So when Clara didn't get out of bed she started to worry. "Are you feeling well?" Clara shook her head. River had come back from... Somewhere the other day and it looked like she brought a nasty present. "River, I told you to be careful. You aren't supposed to be leaving anyways. You are, And I stress this as much as possible, A PRISONER! Now look! You have made Clara sick! And I don't know what you think you need to leave for. The Doctor comes on schedule and takes you out plenty. Too much actually. You look like you could use a rest. Are you feeling alright?" Donna suddenly noticed how pale River had become. In truth, River felt horrible. She had a headache and was dizzy. Whatever this was, she had it too. Once Donna noticed River was acting strange she took Missy out of the cell. "I know you feel fine. But I want to keep it that way. You will spend the next few days in solitary. I know, you want to go back to annoying or killing or plotting or whatever it is you do. But I don't want you getting sick too." Donna explained. Missy wasn't happy, but the extra books Donna promised made it easier to accept. At least one inmate could stay well. Missy read the whole morning and ate the special sandwiches Donna brought her. "Grilled cheese and tomato! You'll like this." Donna said. She was right, Missy ate three of them. " That was wonderful! Where did you get them? " Missy asked. "Home." Donna said. She always packed extra food in case she got stranded at work. "Don't worry, I have leftovers for myself." She said. The lasagna was the thing she really wanted. She wasn't giving that to Missy. River and Clara felt awful. Between medications and sleep they were bored. That wasn't as bad as when Donna said they didn't get to leave their beds. "You can use the bathroom. End of story." Donna didn't want to spread whatever they had. And stay healthy everyone else did. A week later all was back to normal. And River had several lectures on leaving and bringing in diseases. Yas gave a fifteen minute talk on germs. Donna went over healthy hand washing practices. And Amy made sure to cover escaping and everything else. By the time all was said and done, River wanted to escape just for some quiet.


	90. Medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Not for the faint of heart.

Missy hated taking her medicine. Every morning she had to take her medicine with breakfast. She had to take it at lunch, at dinner, and at bedtime. It seemed to Missy that she took way too many medicines. It seemed to Donna like they didn't give her enough. And to Clara and River, it seemed like Missy needed a dosage change. "We can't change drugs just because you don't think they are working. It's only been three days. Give it a month and then we can talk." Said the doctors. 

Missy was at her wits end. The newest drug made her jumpy and high strung. She wanted to run and run and run. She wanted to bench press River. River didn't like being referred to as a piece of gym equipment. "I'll fight you! Wanna fight! C'mon, hit me!" Missy dared. She ducked and River's fist connected with her eye. " DONNA! THE BITCH JUST PUNCHED ME! " Missy yelled. "You'll get no sympathy form me. You dared her to. If you dare someone to punch you and they do, you are at fault." Donna said. Missy jumped when Clara walked passed her. " Hey! Where are you going? " Missy asked. "The toilet. And no more questions, I'll have an accident if you start asking-" the door slammed. "Missy, springs aren't growing from your legs, are they?" Donna asked. " No, or course not! Don't be ridiculous Donna. " Missy said. "Then walk please, we aren't on the moon." Missy tried but she had too much spring in her step. " You aren't going to regenerate into a kangaroo are you? " River asked. She wasn't sure if that was even possible but it would have been cool. "No! And if I ever become an animal it will be something deadly. Like a viper. Or a bear. Or maybe a poisonous spider." Missy said. She "If you became a kangaroo we could put you in the zoo." River said. "This place is enough of a zoo with you three. Stop annoying Missy please, River." Donna chided . Missy jumped when Donna opened the slot in the door to hand out lunch. "Missy, it's just me. You don't need to jump at every sound." Donna said. She decided to call the psychiatrist and see about changing the medicine. A new pill was added to Missy's regimen and the old one was removed. A week later the jumpy feeling was gone. Only to be replaced with horrible Nightmares and paranoia. "River wants to turn me into a monster." Missy said as she hid under the covers. " No. River isn't capable of that. " Clara assured her. "She is too!" Missy looked small and frightened. This was the first time Clara thought of Missy as vulnerable. She was (as far as anyone knew) unarmed. She had no recourse if anything did happen. Clara found herself feeling sympathetic towards the Time Lord. "Missy, nobody can turn you into something without your consent. And River has no intention of making you a monster." Clara said. ( The Time Lords already did a great job making you one all by themselves.) She thought. When the psychiatrist saw Missy next it was an emergency visit. "What do you mean she is holding Clara hostage?" He asked. Sure enough, Missy was delusional and had Clara. " River will kill her! " Missy said, convinced of this. "How about we take a walk. Donna will lock Clara in the isolation cell and watch River. You and I can talk." The Man had a calming voice and Missy liked him. Once he had her in handcuffs, he pulled out a sedative and soon Missy was asleep. "I'll see what medicine she can have. Something must help. We just have to keep trying." This was humiliating! Missy had one of the worst headaches she could remember ever having. She was twitchy and paranoid. Clara was patient. River was annoying. The Doctor was worried. Everyone else was at their wits end. "I have exhausted every medicine on the market. I even tried a few that were still experimental. Nothing works! She might just have to be kept in a padded cell." The psychiatrist said. " I may not have a degree in medicine. But I do have common sense. Let her body have some time to clear out all the medicines you have been pumping into her. She needs a rest. " Donna said. After a chat with Amy, who saw Donna's point of view, Missy was given a month of rest. "One month will go by faster than you know." Donna said. Missy knew how long a month was. Missy also knew that a month in prison and a month to everyone else didn't equal the same time frame. But if she got to be left alone and not take any pills she was going to enjoy it. A month later and Missy was visiting the new psychiatrist. "The previous doctor retired. Let's see what you really need help with and what you don't. " This guy was on the ball and Missy was smiling again. ~


	91. Colder than ever before

It was the kind of cold that seeped into your bones and overtook everything. The cold that made you wish for a warm drink. The one no one sees coming and is suddenly upon you. The one that is no respecter of walls and heating. The kind that didn't care how many layers you put on. This was one of those types of cold days. 

It was painful for River to get out of bed. Her joints ached and screamed for relief. "River, I can hear your joints creaking. Do you need some oil?" Missy asked. Her joints weren't much better. " Very funny. Tell me, if you're so smart why didn't your parents call you Sunny Ultra-brite? " River said. "Who says they didn't?" Missy replied. Actually, they never did any such thing, but Missy was in pain and just wanted relief. 

The shower only had tepid water. Even that didn't seem to help much. Donna brought in heaping bowls of porridge and hot coffee. A few pain tablets and lidocaine patches helped Missy and River feel better. They didn't physically hurt each other, they just took the occasion to hone their language skills. Clara was not amused. "Please cease and desist from your linguistic assault." " What are you saying, Clara? " Missy looked confused. "Shut up and stop your yammering! You could make this easier if you just ate what is in front of you." Looking down they saw their food was getting cold. Both took this as a sign that they should eat fast. After breakfast, Donna wasn't too pleased by the temperature of the unit. It felt colder than the numbers on the thermometer said. "River, Missy, please go spend some time being quiet. Read, write, sleep, daydream, but do something that's low key." Donna wasn't going to have another accident. She was going to keep these inmates healthy if it killed her! River knitted. River always knitted. She knew how many sweaters to make and what color and design everyone wanted. Clara was always amazed by how this was possible. "How do you remember who likes what? So far I counted three green sweaters, four blankets, seventy five diaper covers and bibs, fifteen sets of mittens, hats, and scarves. Twenty pairs of socks, and forty eight layette sets." " Fifty three sets. " River corrected. "Three are for triplets and two for another set of twins. And you forgot to add the other things I make." River knitted away, leaving Clara to marvel. Missy read her books. She was curled up under the blankets and decided to camp out until the cold went away and warm weather came back. She wanted heat and lots of it. "Time Lords don't like cold!" She muttered. Finally, after trying to read the same three words for almost and hour, Missy gave up. She was shivering and shaking so much it hurt. Getting her mittens helped. Never had she been as happy to live with River than at that moment. The cold spell lasted a few days. Luckily nothing broke and the heat worked. It still was cold, but Donna was adamant, no more heat! They had to think of others who called this place home. If the temperature got too high or too low someone might die. "Well if nothing is done WE might die." Missy said. " You three are the limit! " Donna exclaimed. "Thanks dear, we try." Missy shot back. "I had a talk with Yas, and you can put your mattresses on the ground and sleep together. Think of it as a heating up party." Donna had good ideas. This one didn't disappoint.


	92. River mothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River is in a very maternal mood. She just can't help herself. Missy and Clara think otherwise.

A winter day that was cold and snowy made everyone glad the building had heat. "Dry your hair well, Clara. You don't want to catch cold." River said. " Missy, put on your sweater please. And make sure that bed is made properly. A messy bed is a slippery slope into chaos. " Missy had made her bed already and wasn't about to do it again just to please River. "I made it already. If you don't like it then you can do it yourself! But be warned, I hate people invading my space. Especially my sleeping space." River knew that all too well. Why were Time Lords so picky about where they slept and who came into that space? Even the Doctor kept a separate bedroom. Not that River complained. She liked having her own bed and she never had to put up with snoring or odd sleeping habits. It was while Donna inspected the cell that River started to really drive Missy and Clara crazy. "Missy, you look uncomfortable, do you need to use the potty?" River asked. " Use. The. Potty? Do I look like I'm three? What is your problem today? " "Someone need more fiber in their diet." River said. " One more word, Song, one more word and I'll end you. " Missy said. "River, I don't know how you do it! I really don't have a clue! I search this cell on average once a day. Sometimes twice, but always once. You never cease to amaze me. How can you hide so much contraband in so many places? And how do you smuggle in a six foot sandwich? You aren't hiding sandwich eating elves in there? Are you?" Donna pulled a box from the cell. "And hiding things in Clara and Missy's belongings isn't funny! I know neither of them likes hallucinogenic lip stick. And only you go for sonic blasters and vortex manipulators. You are slipping. And Missy. Don't think about telling me you found these knives. The knife fairy doesn't drop knives in prisons. " "MISSY! YOU STOLE MY KNIVES!" River shouted. " You left them under your pillow dear. Of course I took them. " "I'll put you in time out for this!" River snarled. "I'll put you both in a time out you'll never forget. " Donna replied. Clara was glad she wasn't on the receiving end of this punishment. Sitting on that bench was no picnic and Donna wasn't go in to let River and Missy go until she was good and ready. River started pestering Missy again. "Are you sleeping alright?" She asked. "Fine!" Missy mumbled. " Speak up, you are mumbling. " "I sleep fine!" Missy said in a sharper tone. "Well. You sleep well. Not 'fine', not Good', well." Missy wanted to take out River so badly she tried to break the handcuffs that bound her to the bench. " You know those are not coming off any time soon. Behave and maybe we will be back in the cell by lunch. " River was annoying. "Please eat those lima beans. You need the vitamins." River told Clara. " I haven't started on them yet because I need them to cool down. " Clara explained. The kitchen got the crazy idea to serve food starting in the opposite direction. Lunch was hot and everyone got a cookie. "So this is what it's like to have hot food." Missy said. "Yes. Please let it cool down first before eating. You don't want to burn your mouth." River replied. " And did you wash your hands before eating? " "Why should I? It's not like I've been playing in the mud." Missy rolled her eyes. "Remember to wash them in the future please." River was either going crazy or she was sick. Nobody knew which one it was. " Clara, do you need your sheets changed? " River asked. "I got clean sheets last week, same as you. I don't need to change them again." Clara said. " And why would I need clean sheets anyways? It's not like I wet the bed. " "You don't? I thought you did." Obviously something was wrong with River. " Missy, am I thinking of you? Did you wet the bed? " River asked. "No! And I haven't since... I honestly can't remember when. But it was long before you were born. Actually, before your great grandparents were born. That's how long I have been going to the bathroom without incident. Ask me again and I'll make sure you are the one needing a clean set of sheets." " River, nobody here is a bedwetter. I think you may be thinking of your own children. " Donna said. "Right! Uh, Donna..." " No! Before you ask, I don't and its none of your business anyways. Now go back to.. Whatever it is your were doing. " River got even weirder as the day progressed. She made everyone wash their hands before going outside and when they came in. She fussed about them being warm enough, she fussed about how hats were worn. All the while her cell mates were planning to kill her. Seeing the gleam in Missy's eye, Donna gave River a warning. Not that it helped much, River didn't seem to care. "Sweetie, do you need to go potty?" River asked Missy for the millionth time that day. " No, I dont. And if I did I wouldn't invite you to join me. " Missy was reaching the end of her rope. Clara wasn't too far behind. "No. I don't want you to cut my food. I can do it by myself! I'm not a child." River was at it again. She tried cutting Clara's pork chop. " Take smaller bites please. " River replied. She acted like she didn't hear. "I can brush my teeth by myself, thank you very much! " Missy pushed River out of the bathroom. "Don't forget the backs. You don't want cavities, do you?" River asked. Missy would have attacked River but Yas was watching. The young guard was nice, but she could tangle with the best of them and come out on top. Missy knew what Yas was capable of and wasn't about to try anything with her around. But River was acting like a parent and Missy didn't need a parent. She needed to brush her teeth! "Bedtime story?" River asked. Well.... Nobody could think of a reason not to have a bedtime story. "Alright. Go ahead." Clara said. "The Three Billy Goats Gruff." River began. Missy liked the story. Especially the part where the troll goes in the water. By the end of the story even River was tired. "Good night." She said. " Don't even think about tucking us in OR... " Missy looked disgusted. "Giving us a good night kiss. I truly will kill you." River smiled and got under the covers. Clara was dreaming about boats. She was in a storm and everything was going wrong. But the storm abated and she enjoyed the gentle rocking. She woke to find River cradling her and humming. This was awkward. "Uh, River. I'm an adult. Not a small child..." Her voice trailed off. It was rather nice. And she was getting drowsy. Maybe she would let River baby her , just this once.


	93. Family Day

River woke to sobbing. Who could be crying at this hour? She thought. Clara was sleeping peacefully and Yas was doing paperwork. That left only one person. But Missy never cried. Well, almost never, and even then she held in the tears. Yas didn't hear the soft cries, but to River and her "Mother's Ears" it was loud and clear. This was a new situation and River had no idea what she should do.

Most of the time River would be delighted Missy was crying. It was almost a goal. But this wasn't angry tears. This was tears of sadness. Missy was sad! That sent River into mama bear mode. She got up and went over to Missy. Not caring that Yas was reaching for a taser. She crouched down and gently shook her cell mate. "River, if you don't step away I will shoot." Yas said from the door way. " I'm not going to hurt her. She needs comfort. " River didn't move. Yas slowly lowered the taser and went back to her desk. River spoke to Missy; " Are you alright? " Missy sat up and rubbed her eyes. "I'm fine!" She sniffled.  
" No. You're not. You have been crying. Why? " "It's Family Day. I don't have one." 

While Time Lords didn't have many holidays, they did have Family Day. Family Day was the most looked forward to day of the year. Everyone got together and well, was with family.( Like a family reunion only without the Volleyball) Since Time Lords lived long lives, the families were huge. Brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, great and great great grandparents. Cousins, in-laws, aunts, uncles, everyone. From the tiniest baby to the centuries old 5x's great grandparent. Everyone came together and had fun. (Well, fun if you are a Time Lord. For humans it would be boring.)

Missy was crying on River's shoulder, saying "I miss my family." Well this was new. Nobody ever would have thought Missy had feelings for anyone. The Doctor loved Family Day. She had always been a little mopey, missing her first family. "Well, what kind of things did you do?" River asked. She knew exactly what the Doctor's family did. She could have recited it by heart. Maybe Missy's family was a little different. "We would go to my great grandparent's house. Everyone would come and bring food. My mother made spaghetti and meatballs. My aunts brought ice cream. My wife would always bring cookies and I was in charge of games. Everyone had breakfast together and then we read the newspaper." River was bored just listening to this. "Then we all talked about new laws and things we had observed on other planets." River was really bored now. How did this equate to fun? " I got everyone in on a game of Which Law Am I Thinking Of? We enjoyed that. When the day was over, we all watched the two suns go down. "

River was happy she had never had to do any of those things. It sounded like the worst family activities possible. Well, maybe the 'Watch the grass grow' competition and 'how fast will the paint dry' game took the cake. How was this fun for anyone? Missy was asleep again, so River tucked her in and went back to bed.

In the morning, River was awake before anyone else. She talked to Donna and Amy. Then, she called the Doctor. "Why are you so eager to... Family Day? Well, in that case... Can we play Watch the grass grow? I love that game." The Doctor said with a smile. If anyone could make two Time Lords happy, it was River. "How about we play Candy Land?" River asked. Missy couldn't cheat playing that. "Uh..... My love, that isn't a Family Day game. Maybe we could play 'Guess who made that law? ' I know that was always a hit with my grandmother." River knew she had to be gentle. Her wife was very sentimental about her first family. "Sweetie, that would be fun, but nobody knows how to play except you and Missy. And none of us even know Gallifreyan law." That was true. " How about we all look at those old photo albums your mother made. " River asked. "I even have some of Missy's photo albums. That sounds like a wonderful idea." The Doctor came back with a dolly full of albums. " Family Day is so much fun! Do we get... " The Doctor was cut off by Amy. "Yes, you get spaghetti and meatballs and chocolate ice cream. And fish fingers and custard." The Doctor rubbed her hands together. This was going to be fun. " Fifty albums and we have barely made a dent. I think I need a few weeks of sleep to rest my eyes. " Clara said. "And it's bedtime. Doctor, you can make the spot and we can pick up where we left off tomorrow." Yas wanted to erase the many hours of looking at people in odd clothing. Missy was happy as a lark. She got to celebrate Family Day with a new kind of family. She may not be related to any of the others but they loved her for her. She couldn't ask for more. Except maybe for a few less naked baby pictures.


	94. Bad days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to read like 'Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.' With a twist.

Clara woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. By the time she had to get up she was tired. Missy got be shower first. River got in second and by the time Clara got in the water was cold. This wasn't starting out well. "Sorry, the kitchen ran out of porridge. You'll just have to eat cereal, Clara." Donna said.  
Missy and River didn't seem to care. They had porridge. Clara had soggy cornflakes. She wanted to go back to bed and stay there for the rest of the day.

"Sorry Clara, your hat and coat are in the wash. No outside for you." Donna said. It looked like a nice day. Surely it was warm enough. " No. It's cold out. " Donna said. "Can you get me a pen and paper?" Clara asked. Maybe writing would help. Clara was finishing her letter to Ashildr when Missy spilled water all over it. "Watch it! Now look!You ruined my letter!" Clara could have cried. She was tired and hungry and wet. Donna felt bad for her. Bad days sucked and having a bad day in prison was the worst. It was bologna for lunch. Clara hated bologna, but what could she do? "Clara, are you feeling ok?" Asked River , checking for a fever. "I'll be fine." Clara said as she nibbled her lunch. Missy would have stolen her food, but Clara looked so pitiful it made Missy soften a bit. Clara was having a bad day and wished she were in the TARDIS. The Doctor never had bad days. After lunch Clara wanted a nap. Missy had other plans. She pestered and annoyed Clara, hitting her with a pillow. "Missy leave me alone! I have a headache and want a nap." Clara snapped. Missy jumped on top of Clara and pulled her to the ground. In less than twenty seconds Donna shot a taser, missing Missy and hitting Clara. " Missy! Go sit on your bed. " Donna said before she ran to check on Clara. "Are you alright?" She asked. Clara shook her head. She was in even more pain now. " You need a break. Solitary sound good? " Clara just say there, dazed. "Oh, you need some time alone. I can see that." Donna led her out of the cell. Now the TARDIS sounded even better. When Donna let Clara back to the cell it was supper time. "Tuna noodle casserole with peas and Brussels sprouts." Donna said. Nobody was happy. "I thought you would all be hungry. I guess you like this dish as much as many other inmates." Donna said. Yas started her shift and noticed Clara was acting strange. "Having a bad day?" She asked. "Is it that obvious?" Clara was in no mood for talking. "I wish I was in the TARDIS. Nobody can have a bad day there." " I bet to differ. " River said. "The Doctor has had plenty of bad days. I have had plenty of bad days. The TARDIS has bad days as well." Clara didn't even think about how the TARDIS felt. " Everyone, no matter where or when they are from, has bad days. Even the happiest person is upset sometimes. You just had a very bad day. Nothing a good night of sleep can't help. " River was right. "Good night, sleep well." River said, tucking Clara in. River wouldn't usually do this but it seemed like it was needed. "And Missy, please go to bed. No keeping everyone up." River had that look that always made Missy feel like a little boy again. "Tomorrow will be better." River promised. ~


	95. Food Poisoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas dinner becomes a disaster.

It had been a nice Christmas, everyone obeyed and no hassles were made. But with the actual day being a holiday, everyone celebrated a few days later. Donna and Yas had enjoyed family time and Amy had the Doctor over as usual. The skeleton crew tried making things festive, but their hearts weren't in it. So on the 29th Christmas was celebrated.

The turkey wasn't as fresh as it might have been and well... Everyone got food poisoning. "Get out of my way!" River called as she dove into the bathroom. Clara and Missy looked green and Donna thought they might puke then and there. "Missy, the solitary cell is all yours." She said as she led the positively sick Missy away. Giving the cell to Clara had crossed Donna's mind, but the fighting River and Missy would have done made her reconsider. Although everyone was sick and in bed, Amy held out hope that all would be well. She called in reinforcements mostly in the form of Rory. He put in intravenous lines in everyone and kept his wife updated. Donna was relieved her inmates had their medicine and were finally sleeping. Even that didn't last long. Missy needed new sheets after she vomited on them. Surprisingly no complaints about how inept people were came from her mouth. Donna fussed to get her all cleaned up and back to bed. Clara had never felt so dizzy or sick. Well, not that she could remember. All she wanted was to go to her own bed in her own apartment and have Danny care for her. Usually she would be angry at Missy but today she had no energy. At least the intravenous fluids helped. Whatever was in that bag made things feel a little better. But being sick has no perks and it wasn't long before Clara woke from a nap and found she had wet the bed. "It's alright, these things happen when you're sick." Donna said, she felt horrible for Clara but there wasn't much she could do to help. When Donna tucked Clara back in bed and made sure she was comfortable, Clara vomited all over and the routine of shower, clean bedding, tuck in happened all over again. River stated she was not going to move. The room was spinning faster than a washing machine on a fighter jet and she was not going to try and move. She even let Rory give her an I.V. with no complaints. This was not good. "You'll feel better soon, sweet girl." He said, giving her a kiss on the forehead. It took several days but slowly everyone recovered. "Sorry Missy, you can't have spaghetti and meatballs today. You have only just started to keep food down. How about some alphabet soup? You can make all the dirty words you want." Donna enticed. Well, it wouldn't be good to vomit her favorite food. And she did love spelling all those dirty words. " Alright. But I better have plenty of letters. " She said. When Yas tucked everyone in she made extra sure there were enough clean sheets and pajamas just in case. Thankfully they went unneeded. Things were getting back to normal and winter was only beginning.


	96. A shoveling they will go, a shoveling they will go...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy finds the perfect winter activity... Not everyone agrees.

Amy was sick of all the whining and crying. "I don't want to go outside." " I have nothing to do. " "I'm bored." And her absolute favorite, "Can I die now?" Donna wasn't happy either, a huge pile of snow was dumped on the prison and nobody seemed to know how to plow. Tom the maintenance man was stuck at home with car trouble and snow trouble and power trouble and a pregnant wife. Amy wasn't going to let everything go to pieces just because of some snow! " Donna, tell those inmates to put on their warmest coats and get to shovelling. " Any said. At least a few problems could be solved. The walk ways and parking lot would be cleaned and no more whining about being bored.

"Shovel the parking after you shovel the walk ways please. If a fire broke out nobody could get very far unless the paths are clear." Donna instructed. Clara and River got down to work, Missy got up to her tricks. "Hey! That's cold! Stop it, Missy!" Clara said when Missy put snow down her shirt. " Missy! Stand over there where I can see you better. " Donna said. She didn't want to be outside any more than her inmates. "RIVER! SNOW ISN'T FOR THROWING AT ME! AIM OVER THERE." River was enthusiastically shoveling and throwing snow at Donna. This was fun for about thirty seconds. Then Donna yelled and River knew she had to stop. "Time for lunch!" Donna said eventually. Everyone was happy to get a break. "River, put your shovel over here." Donna said, unfortunately River hit Missy with her shovel. " I'm sorry Missy. It was an accident. " River said. "Of course it was. Could have happened to anybody." Then she pushed River in the snow. " Except I'm not just anybody. " Missy said as she brought her shovel down on River's knee. Donna broke them up and helped River inside before making Missy very sorry. "How's your knee?" Clara asked over tea and turkey sandwiches. "It hurts a bit. I think I need to rest it." River said. ( What she really meant was: I am in so much pain I can hardly walk. I can't continue working, I might pass out from the pain if I have to shovel any more snow. ) Amy came in and hugged River. "I heard you have a bad knee injury." She looked into her daughter's face and saw the pain she was masking. " I think the sun will melt the snow nicely this afternoon. Donna, you all can stay in. Enough work for today. You did a good job. " Amy left and Donna set to making everyone nap. It really wasn't that hard. Everyone was tired and wanted sleep.

River couldn't sleep. Her knee hurt so badly she couldn't get comfortable. "Donna, I think I need to see a doctor." She said, trying to stand and falling. Donna ran in to help, only to end up leaving so she could call for a medic. Soon River was being seen by a doctor and having all sorts of tests done. "You have a very nasty torn ligament. I'm surprised you could even make it inside." Said the woman in a lab coat. I'll have you in surgery tomorrow morning. Don't he out of bed if you can help it. And if you need to, ask for help. No weight on that leg. " While River was stuck in bed, Donna made sure the other two inmates knew they would be outside tomorrow. 

And the next day was more shoveling. Well, Clara tried to shovel and Missy was a pest. "Hey, stop throwing snowballs at me." Clara said. Missy didn't pay attention. At least not until Donna gave her a stern warning. For fifteen minutes Missy shoveled. And her shoveling was horrible. She made more of a mess that Clara was cleaning up. This meant that no real work was getting done. "Alright. New plan." Donna said. "Clara, you shovel that side and Missy, you shovel this side. You can meet in the middle." Donna was cold and her legs were stiff. She watched Missy more than Clara, knowing that escape was impossible but chaos wasn't. River was laid up in bed for the day. She was groggy from the surgery, but still wanted her own bed back. "It's much more comfortable here in the medical unit. And you can't walk anyways." The nurse said. " I don't want comfort, I want my bed and my annoying cell mates! " River was ready to try and walk when Amy came to see her. "Stay in that bed! You aren't going anywhere!" Amy fluffed the pillows and fixed the blankets. " If you move without help I'll make sure you are put in a body cast. " Amy threatened. "And the Doctor says to get better soon. She will be here next week. Until then you are staying here. If you would like to see how your friends are doing I can have you taken to a window." Amy offered. Once the wheelchair was set up and River seated as comfortably as possible they looked out the window. "See? Still..." Amy was cut off when she saw Missy tackle Clara and give her a whitewash. Donna took hold of Missy's collar and pulled her back. "Well, they are still outside, working." Amy finished. River was becoming increasingly more at home in the medical unit. Donna had enough. With half the walkway done she took her inmates inside. "Tom is back tomorrow, and we have another snow storm tonight. I think we have had enough fresh air and exercise for one lifetime. I know I have. " Donna muttered the last part under her breath. You are having lunch and then having a quiet afternoon. No more snowballs, tackling, or anything else. Read, write a letter, write a book, play a game, do a puzzle, nap! I don't care! Just no more fighting. " Missy found that Donna had removed all the game pieces from the boxes. "You won't be eating these games." Donna said. She had cleverly placed all tokens, dice, cards, counters, and every other piece in sandwich bags with the instructions facing out. Missy couldn't eat the game boards. And now games wouldn't be lost in a day. This meant that Missy read. To say the 'comic books' from Gallifrey were like earth comics was like saying "War and Peace" is a fast read. It was more like a tome than a comic. But it kept Missy occupied so it was fine. A few days later River was allowed back. "Welcome back!" Clara said. Saying ' welcome home ' was weird on many levels. This was and wasn't home. Once River was settled and comfortable the TARDIS materialized and a worried Doctor came jumping out. "Doctor watch out for the-" Donna started but it was too late. The Doctor has forgotten about the bars being replaced with plexiglass. "Oh, are you alright?" Donna asked as the Doctor held a bloody nose. "I will be as soon as I get my sonic." She said while simultaneously trying to find her device and staunch the bleeding. " Let's get you to medical. " Donna said. One nose splint and a few lollipops later the Doctor was sitting in a chair icing her nose. "You aren't going anywhere. I'll get you some things so you can sleep here." Donna said. River and the Doctor were a sight to see. "Hers and hers injuries, how do you do it?" Missy asked. "It's harder than you might think." The Doctor began. " Unless you happen to be involved. " River finished. "Missy did this to you? Honey I didn't realize. Missy just for that you can't have the new Counselor Carl comic book this month. And it has a really cool coloring book." Missy looked like she might. .. Well, she tried to show emotion but was more interested in sleep. After the Doctor left it snowed again. "Tom can't get here. A telephone line is down and his wife is in labor. You will be shoveling snow again. And no shenanigans this time. If you think Donna can give you a painful experience you haven't seen what I can do." And Amy wasn't kidding. She would do some damage... Just not in the way they were thinking. "River, your leg is healed enough and you can do light activity. You are going to scrub pots in the kitchen. " River groand, she hated doing dishes. The end of the day saw a very grateful Donna turn everything over to Yas. "I need a vacation! Missy has kept me on my toes all day and Clara was just trying to do as she was told. I have no idea what happened in the kitchen but River isn't talking and Amy looks like she went through a war. Everyone should sleep. I'm off to... Well, relax. I'll see them in the morning." And Donna almost danced out of the prison. ~


	97. A well behaved Missy is a scary thing

It was around the time that River had the pin removed from her leg that Missy started acting nice. This gave River nightmares and poor Clara wet the bed for over a week. A nice Missy was not good. They hoped Santa understood and didn't come. "Why don't you have the first shower, River?" Offered Missy.  
" Why? Is it full of acid or something? Will I get hurt or die? " River was not setting foot in any place Missy wanted her to. "Clara, how about you?" Asked Missy. "No, I'll wait." She replied. "There is no need to hide it, you wet the bed and are too embarrassed." Missy said. " Happens to the best of us at the worst times. Don't worry dear, we won't judge. " Clara was three shades redder than Donna thought possible. "Missy, take your shower. And stop picking on Clara." Donna ordered.

" Would you like some help remaking your bed? " Missy asked Clara. "No. I'm good." Clara said quickly before going back to work. " River, would you like some help winding that yarn? I have very steady  
hands. " Missy tried. "Thank you. That would be helpful." River was surprised but not very surprised. Missy did this last year. It was scary but hopefully it would end before everyone was sent out of their minds. 

"I know she wants on the nice list but this is too much!" Donna said to Amy. "If I have any more nights like last night I just might fly a metal kite into some electric wire." Yas said. "You would have to get in line. I got first dibs on that kite." Donna said. "Well before you go placing yourselves in danger, please make sure River wears a padded helmet to bed. I don't need a concussion case right now." Amy was wondering how long it would be before the Doctor showed up and turned everything back to normal.

But the Doctor didn't show up. Missy kept trying to be helpful, Clara hid as much as possible, and River punched herself in the mouth in her sleep! Missy had to stop being nice! There were no two ways about it. Amy reluctantly agreed to let River and Clara do their worst. As long as Missy was grouchy and mean things would be alright.

"WHERE IS MY BLANKET?" Missy yelled. " I don't know, maybe you should look up your-" River was cut off by Donna. "I washed it. It's in the dryer now ." Missy would usually have a fit but not today. " Oh, I suppose it did need a wash. Thank you. " River tried to break a few Counselor Carl sets but found that whatever they were made of was almost impossible to break. Clara rumpled Missy's bed. Missy just remade it. "When I was a little boy my mother taught me how to make my bed." Missy said. "She was very particular about how well it was made. I was her little helper. Though I think I made more messes than I helped clean." 

This niceness was taking a huge toll on River and Clara. They had all but stopped sleeping and ate very little. Something had to be done. "They are exhausted and hungry. Donna and I can't bear to see these two waste away. Who knows what Missy will do after the holidays. She will have a month of planning and plotting. Why can't Christmas come early? " Yas said. "Why couldn't it? Why couldn't Christmas come early? We can say that  
because this is a prison, Santa had to leave the presents for inspection so he dropped them off early." Amy said. " What about the Doctor? And the REAL Santa? " Asked Yas.  
"Let me handle that. Just go about your day." Amy replied. Amy got the Doctor in on the plan. In turn, the Doctor told Santa. Everything was set. If only the inmates went to sleep. 

"Donna, what day is it?" Asked Clara. "Tuesday." " Not Christmas? " "No. But Christmas came early. Santa had to drop these off early so they could be scanned and released. " Donna explained. "Oh. That's nice. An early Christmas." Clara was still very tired from lack of sleep and didn't realize what was going on. It took fifteen solid minutes for everyone to understand that Christmas had come early! While there were no decorations, everyone did get a present. "New uniforms and warm socks. Santa really outdid himself this year." Donna mumbled. But then breakfast arrived and so did... "Here are the presents Amy sent over." Said the nervous young guard. He had heard things about these inmates and didn't want to meet them. " But I already.... I mean... Thanks. " Donna was puzzled. But sure enough, three presents were there along with the porridge. A new book for Missy, a puzzle for Clara, and a history of archeology for River. "Who?... Donna noticed a letter. "Merry Christmas early, Santa. It said.(P.S. Tell Missy she can stop acting nice. I prefer her mean.) Donna grinned. It took several days but Missy went back to her usual self. River didn't need the helmet and Clara didn't wet the bed. Everyone also went back to sleep. Yas and Donna couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present. But Missy's birthday wasn't too far off and she had better not be nice again!


	98. The foot of the matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy is having some foot problems.

"Missy, would you please see the doctor for those feet? They stink and they look horrible." River said.  
Donna came closer and noticed that Missy needed some serious foot care. She called medical and took Missy up. "I'm fine. I don't need anyone poking at my feet." Missy said. Apparently feet were another body part Time Lords were sensitive about. "Missy, you could hardly get your shoes on and you can barely walk.  
You need a podiatrist! Lucky for us, one is in the building today." Donna helped Missy to the exam room.

" Let the nurse take your shoes and socks. I brought you new ones for after this visit. " Donna said. "Hello! I'm Dr. Mulligan and you must be Missy." Said a young looking sandy haired man. "Let's get a look at these feet." He sat down and tried to examine Missy but she wasn't going to let him. " My culture doesn't allow others to examine their feet. " Missy said. She hated being a Time Lord. But it suited the situation so she used it as an excuse. "Well, if you let me see examine you I'll give you a lollipop." Mulligan coaxed. He said the magic words! It wasn't long before Missy had the doctor scraping and clipping away. By the time he was done, Dr. Mulligan had removed toenails, calluses, corns, and warts. (Missy did a fantastic job of hiding her feet from everyone.) "Now, apply this cream twice a day and soon you'll be dancing like Ginger Rogers. And get shoes that fit." Donna didn't know that Missy needed a wider shoe. "If you told me you needed a wider shoe I would have accommodated you." Donna had no idea why Missy never. ... No, Missy had tried. But she complained about things so frequently it was almost impossible to know what needed to be changed and what didn't. Oh dear! This was bad. "River, do your shoes fit alright?" Donna asked anxiously. "Yes. They fit fine." River was puzzled. "And your clothes? They fit too?" Now River knew something was up. "I would tell you if something was off with my clothing." River stated. " Clara, do your shoes pinch your toes? " Donna seemed worried. "No. And everything else fits perfectly. What is wrong?" Donna looked like she might cry. "It's silly, really. But it really isn't silly when you think about it." River and Clara were confused. What happened at that doctor's appointment? "Missy never told me her shoes were too tight. Her feet are wider than her shoes. I should have noticed." Donna said. " Missy didn't tell you because she didn't want to. You aren't to blame, Missy can only blame herself. Now that she has had her feet seen to, maybe she'll be less grumpy. " River said. "When my son, Erik, was four he had a pair of shoes that he wore until his toes poked out an inch!he couldn't hide the fact any longer and said they were his favorite shoes. They had... Dinosaurs on them I think. Maybe it was sharks? But he loved those shoes until he went to the shoe store and got a pair of shoes with cars on them. His feet fit perfectly. I felt terrible, how did I not see him walking in those horrible shoes? Was he getting enough attention? Amy assured me it was normal and I wasn't a bad parent." Donna relaxed. " River, you can't catch me! " Missy said as they all spent time in the exercise cell. Running away at full tilt, Missy almost collided with the bars. "I guess someone is feeling better." Donna said. River chased Missy about, not that it lasted long. Being cooped up inside had taken a toll on their stamina. But Missy had feet that she was comfortable in and that made Donna happy.


	99. River is annoying

The Doctor and River had 27 children, who all had spouses and kids and grandkids. Some even had great grandkids. Since it was well over a hundred people, River and the Doctor had quite the mailing list.  
The Doctor had a stamp made years ago with their signatures so they wouldn't have to sign so many cards. River made a few duplicates and suddenly Missy and Clara were roped into stamping cards. "River, why do you have a postal service in your cell?" Asked Donna. " Yearly card signing. Usually I do it with The Doctor but she said she is sick of it and dumped everything on me, as usual. " River liked playing post office, but this was not the type she enjoyed playing. 

"Missy, you have Christmas cards. Clara, you have birthday cards, I have new baby, weddings, sympathy, and ...... Are we forgetting anything?" River asked. "Yeah, the match to send all of this to ash.  
Why are you sending those spawn of yours anything? They are all just little-" "HEY! WATCH IT! THOSE ARE MY BABIES YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" River warned. " Angels. Weeping angels. " Missy said. "Do you want a black eye?" River asked. "Why? Are you offering? Because if it will get us out of this Clara and I will each have one." Missy offered. " Speak for yourself! I have nothing better to do. " Clara said.

It took five days for the cards to be finished. Then, River became really annoying. She pulled out pictures. "Who wants to see the most recent baby?" She asked. Missy and Clara headed for the bathroom."Stop! I know you both can't fit in there at once. Turn around and sit at the table! " River went into mother mode. "Really, River. I have to send a letter to.... My wife! She is desperate to hear from me." Missy lied. " You hate your wife! And she never sends you letters. " River replied. "Sure she has." Missy said. "If by letter you mean the one she sent twenty some odd years ago saying she was glad you were finally getting what you deserved and never try to contact her?" River asked. "Yeah, that is the one." Missy said. "Sit. Down. NOW!" Demanded River. "And this is Charlie the greygle. Greygles are very common pets on Twilger. Isn't he adorable in the sweater I made him?" River asked about a grey and green creature with some serious fangs, five eyes, a fluffy tail and ears. It looked like a science experiment gone very wrong.It was wearing a blue and black striped sweater. "They can't find any sweaters in his size, poor thing. He's very small for a greygle." River explained. He didn't look small to Clara or Missy. He looked like he could take down a linebacker. If this was small, neither wanted to see what average sized was. Three hours of pictures and River talking made Donna say, "Ok! Outside everyone. I think you could use some fresh air." Through the tiny window everyone saw it was snowing. Nobody wanted to go out. But another picture of a baby or pet was going to drive Clara insane. If standing out in the cold was the only away to see something else she would take it. "While we warm up I'll show you my grandsons with their new pet Cabid." River said , holding up A stack of pictures. "Oh, goody." Missy mumbled. The picture showed two smiling boys with an awful looking creature. It resembled a bulldog and a goat with a touch of rabbit. "I made them all matching sweaters." River explained. All three wore red and white sweaters and the boys looked happy. "Jacco had a bad case of mites and they had to shave him. He looks good in that sweater." Clara assumed Jacco was the animal and not a child. By bedtime, Missy was plotting to strangle River. One more strange pet and she'd loose it. No more babies, no more happy family gatherings, no more! Clara felt the same way. She could only take so much happy family that would never be hers. Both Missy and Clara were plotting to do... Something. Maybe plead for time in solitary? Ask to be transferred to a dungeon? Get River's jaw wired shut? Have her executed? No. The Doctor would be beside herself if that happened. What could they do? Donna had enough of the Williams-Pond -Song family pictures. The only one worse than River was Amy. Amy had so many pictures of family around the office it was almost impossible to find a clean spot! "That is the first picture of Amanda." Amy said proudly. "She's my great-great-great-great- grand daughter. " Donna did her best not to enter the office but she couldn't avoid it. Between River and Amy it was a wonder Rory didn't get smothered. "Owwwwww! Hey! Stop it!" Missy was holding River in a rather vulnerable position and Clara was giving her some painful reminders. When Donna saw this she was conflicted. Should she punish Clara and Missy? River had been begging for a split lip all week. Maybe she could let it slide just this once. But giving an inch meant losing a mile. No, she had to punish them. A few licks with the belt ought to do the trick. Donna loathed this punishment. She would rather do almost anything else. But this is what the handbook prescribed. This punishment seemed.....counterproductive at best and painful at worst. Hitting someone for hitting someone. It made so sense. However... Nobody ever said anything about other punishments. "Alright. CLara, Missy, apologize. Then River, you get one whole uninterrupted hour of pictures. That's it! One sixty minute period to show off pictures. Then they go away and you don't mention family members for the next twelve months. Unless something important happens. That is your punishment ladies, enjoy looking at things that appear to be vicious. " Donna said. The hour was a long one. Missy was sure the clock was slow. But it wasn't. After an hour of dogs, cats, children, animals that looked like they might eat someone, people who had River's hair and the Doctor's eyes. It was boring. Donna felt this was the best punishment she had come up with yet! When the hour was up, the Doctor arrived. "Remember dear, the new greygle Max got isn't fully trained. She still has not stopped chewing on guests. Oh, and I promised Max and Sandy we would watch Bagel while they were on vacation. " River said. The Doctor looked horrified. "You mean they have "Bagel the Greygle" As a pet! She almost took off my leg on the last visit! And we have to watch that monster? " The Doctor was rethinking every life decision she ever made. "Yes! I even made her a sweater." " Oh no! This is going to be horrible. " The Doctor complained as the TARDIS left. ~


	100. Chapter 100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since this is the 100th chapter, I wanted to make it special. This story isn't over yet but it has been almost a year since I started. So, which thing further ado, chapter 100.

Clara seemed sad. River noticed when Clara didn't use her usual care in dressing. Donna noticed in the sloppily made bed. Even Missy noticed when Clara didn't eat her porridge. "Clara, is everything alright, Dear?" She asked. " It's fine. " Clara said flatly. River shot Missy a look that said 'drop it if you want to see lunch.' Now Missy would usually have ignored River, but something made her stop. Obviously Clara needed something. But what?

River wrote in her journal until she ran out of ink. "I wish I had a longer lasting pen." She said. She knew Donna set the limit at three pens a month. If this rule wasn't followed, River would go through whole boxes of pens in short order. "It's not even the second week of the month and you have been through more pens than Amy! How is that possible? I mean,you never run out of things to write. Ask the Doctor for longer lasting pens. She is your wife after all." Donna was annoyed .

Donna was always curious about what River wrote. She never peeked. And when she asked, "Spoilers" was all River said. Well, if River ever wanted to share,she was more than welcome. It's hard to write with no pen. But borrowing was a good idea. Not from Missy, never from Missy. Maybe Clara wouldn't mind. It didn't hurt to try. "Clara, may I borrow a pen?" River asked in her nicest way possible.  
Clara didn't seem to hear. "Sweetie, are you okay?" River asked. "Here. You can keep it. I have no need for a pen." Clara said. This was beyond strange. This was downright alarming!

River patted Clara on the shoulder and went over to Missy. "We have to do something!" She said.  
" Why? Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll kill herself. " Missy said. River slapped her and dragged her into the bathroom. It was a tight fit but she managed. "Listen up, for once in your pathetic life do something for someone else." River said. " And why should I? " Missy asked. "Because if you don't I'll give you a swirly the likes of which you have never seen before. And then I'll chop off your hair and give you a buzz cut so short, you'll bleed." River could make good on this threat and Missy knew it . "Alright. What's wrong?" " Something is wrong with Clara. " River said. "No! You don't say! Gee, anyone with three brain cells could see that." Missy replied sarcastically. "We need to find out what the problem is." River explained. "How are we going to do that?" Missy had no ideas. Clara sulked through lunch, and yard time. She picked at dinner. And by bedtime she was in tears. River and Missy pulled her out of bed and set her on River's. "What is the problem Sweetie?" River asked, hugging Clara. "I don't have a family any more." Clara said and cried into River's shoulder. "You don't?" Missy asked. "What are we, chopped liver?" Clara wiped her eyes. " What are you talking about? " Clara was unsure. "Us, silly! River and Donna and Yas and I. WE are your family." River was stunned. Missy never talked like this. " You are? " Clara asked. "Sweetie, who makes sure you have three good meals a day? And hugs you when you ask? Who makes sure you see a doctor when your sick? Who keeps Missy at bay? Who comforts you when you have nightmares?" River asked. "You, Donna, Yas, and Missy." Clara said. "And who helps you with a puzzle? Who chases off bullies in the yard? Who likes the way you are just because?" Missy asked. "You guys." " We do everything from eat to sleep and then some together. We care about you and your wellbeing. We are a family. " River said. Clara smiled for the first time that day and hugged River and Missy. "Now can we go to bed? It's getting late?" River said. Missy tucked Clara in, she had never done this before. Maybe it was that threat. Clara was so happy she almost couldn't contain herself. Her new family. All hers. And nobody could take them away.


	101. The Tooth, The Whole Tooth, And Nothing But The Tooth

"Clara why aren't you eating? Are you feeling alright?" River asked as she laid her hand on Clara's forehead. "You are very warm. I think you need to lay down." River's hand felt cool and Clara missed it when it was gone. She leaned into River, hoping for a hug. "Let's get you back to bed, Sweetie." River lead her over to the middle bed and tucked her in. "Here's your stuffed dog. I'll get Donna to check you out."

Hearing her name, Donna went over to see what was needed. " I think she has a fever. And her jaw looks a little swollen. Maybe a dentist can help? " Donna said as she adjusted the blankets and went to make a phone call. Hearing the word "dentist" sent Missy looking for cover. "Calm down you idiot. You don't need a dentist, Clara does. Unless you are hiding something." River said. It wasn't that Missy needed dentist. But it was the thought that she MIGHT see a dentist that made her nervous. "Wisdom teeth. You have some very impacted wisdom teeth. How you have lasted this long is beyond me." Said the dentist. " And Missy, yes, you. I haven't seen you for a while. Donna, make an appointment for Missy and River as well. I'll see them next week. The dentist sent everyone out and got to work on Clara. It was only an hour or so later that River was tucking a very drowsy and slightly loopy Clara into bed. "I can taste colors." Clara said. "Yes dear, of course you can. Here is your puppy, now go to sleep." River kissed Clara's forehead. "Someone might mistake you for her mother." Missy said. River shot a look at Missy that made her feel like she was two inches tall. "I can't wait to see what happens to your teeth. Do you think you'll need dentures?" River asked. Missy blanched. The very thought of dentures made her want to faint.

"Missy! You surprise me. Your teeth are beautiful and those roots will be there for at least fifty years." Exclaimed the dentist. ( Fifty years for a human might be a long time, but to a Time Lord it's very brief.) "And River, you have no cavities as well. Clara is coming along nicely. I don't think I need to see you for another six months." River and Missy had been very good and didn't bite the dentist. " I think this deserves a new round of toothbrushes. " Donna lead three happy inmates back to their cell. "You did so good I think a treat is in order. Extra library day?" Nobody could pass up this opportunity.


	102. Enrichment program part 2

It wasn't Amy's idea. It was the board's decision really. Someone found a group of researchers who wanted to use some prisoners in tests. "It's free." Said one member. "It looks good on the yearly report." Another said. "And it makes the inmates miserable and the guards unable to manage their jobs." Amy said. She was out voted 8-2. She What fresh new hell was this going to be? Clara wondered. She remembered the tests from the last time. Same results. Donna was beside herself. The cell had only been remodeled not five months ago. Now someone was installing unnecessary slots and hatches. Puzzles were brought in, new uniforms and schedules handed over, a crash course in... Whatever this was followed. Amy looked apologetic, this wasn't what she wanted either. Yas flipped out when she saw the new plans. "Am I available for early retirement?" She asked Amy. " No. I looked into that myself. And the mere mention of River and release in the same sentence was laughable. We are just going to try and make the next six months to a year the best possible. " "HOW LONG?" Yas and Donna said together. "Six months to a year. Maybe longer." Amy replied. "Do we have any incentive to do this?" Donna asked. "Our jobs." Amy said. " Yas, I'm tired. I wanna go to bed. " Clara said. It was well after midnight and still everyone was working on puzzles. "I know, it's late. How many do you have left?" Yas wanted everybody in bed by ten thirty. They would be cranky tomorrow. "Five." Clara didn't think she could do five more complex word puzzles. " How about you all to to bed. You need rest. " Yas tucked in three half asleep inmates, She had never done that before. This was not going to end well. Everyone hated the new uniforms. The sickly yellow color was awful and everything was over starched. "I don't really know why you have to wear those. I do feel sorry for you. But there is nothing I can do." Donna said. These three were going to be the laughing stock of the prison. The terrible color, the words "Experiment Test Subject" written in big black letters just made everyone consider going around in their underwear. "No! I will not have you walking around without proper clothes. You have to wear the uniforms. I'm sorry." Donna said. "How many more tests do we have before breakfast?" Asked Missy. "You still have to complete the ones from last night as well as the new ones so... Twenty five more. I don't know how you'll like breakfast. You have to work to get it." Missy looked like she might cry. This was new. Missy was usually just hostile and condescending. "How much work do we have before lunch?" Missy was hopeful that maybe one meal would be normal. "You don't want to know." Donna was upset but didn't want to show too much anger. " I'm hungry. " River said. "I know, I'm sorry. But I don't have anything to give you. " Donna was beside herself. A researcher had come in and made everyone miserable. "You have to unlock the hatch to get your breakfast. If you don't get it in the amount of time you'll have to go without." Was this person fucking kidding? Apparently not. Because a few moments later River was after her food. She could have easily picked the lock but she was forced to do it another way. This was harder and when the time was up the food was removed. "Sorry, try again at lunch." The researcher said. River was angry, Clara ended up in tears and Missy threw herself against the plexiglass. "That's not fair. They need food to live! Who told you to starve my bab- inmates." Donna caught herself before she fully referred to her charges as her children. One scientist after another came and did similar things. Over the next Few weeks the puzzles became a source of contention. Food was scarce and sleep was taken away. By the third week Donna had enough. She marched into Amy's office and demanded a meeting with the board. " My inmates are on the verge of complete breakdown. They haven't had a decent meal in who knows how long and they are sleep deprived. That's not even the worst part! Just suggesting they do those awful puzzles makes them cry. I don't know what anyone is trying to prove, but they are sadistic means. I want the cell, uniforms, and food all back to its original state!" Donna glared at the room of people. "What is the goal of these tests anyways? Can anyone tell me? Anyone? Did anyone do research on this company? Find out how good they really are? And you call yourself a board!" Donna was incensed. When video feed of the results of the tests was shown, it took all of twenty seconds before the decision was made. Every wall was placed back, uniforms returned, and lasagna served. Donna and Yas made sure their charges had plenty of food. Even making seconds available. It was going to take time for everyone to readjust but they would eventually. Donna smiled, she had three inmates who were happy, well fed, and ready for bed. Usually she left before this but she wanted to stick around for a little while. With everyone asleep and Yas doing paperwork, Donna left. She would be back in the morning. ~


	103. Fight

Donna was shocked to see her inmates. They had been outside for all of five minutes when a fight broke out. Now all three inmates had black eyes, scratches and bruises, ripped uniforms, and at least one broken nose. "What on earth did you do to each other? Donna asked. Not that anyone needed to answer. "Let's get you cleaned up and then we can talk." " Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!! " Missy howled. "If you would hold still I could clean your wounds and it wouldn't hurt as much!" Donna was holding a bottle of iodine and a cotton ball. "I could always tie you down if you like." Missy was actually the least hurt and complain more than the others. " Clara has a broken nose, River broke three fingers, and you are covered in cuts and scrapes. What were you three thinking? Don't answer. You weren't thinking. You were acting like animals! No wonder you are locked up! " Donna put the last ice pack in place and handed over a clean uniform. "Change, lay down, and thank the stars I don't give you worse than you got already." " Song if you try to bend those fingers again I'll call the doctor back. You don't want a shot of any kind, right? " A nurse asked. River really didn't want any more doctors that weren't HER Doctor. "Once your friend is done, you both can go back to your cell. Please, be nice and don't fight each other again." River didn't care that she had stitches above her eyes. She wanted her cell and a chance to kill someone. " Oswald! Not you again! Oh, this is great. Didn't I just see you for a physical last week? You need to stay healthy. " the doctor said. "I'll patch you up and send you back but please, stop fighting." Clara looked awful. She felt worse when she was finally back in her cell. Between the stitches, bandaids, nose splint, and bruises, she was in pain. "You all look sorry!" Donna said. "I have no idea what possessed you to fight each other! You were the only three in the yard. No reason to fight. You share a cell. After the argument at breakfast... Oh! That's what this is about! You all had the same thing! It wasn't like the gave one cereal and one pancakes! Goodness. You are all taking naps. Act like toddlers be treated like toddlers." Donna wasn't happy. " I don't like tuna noodle casserole. " Missy whined. "Oh, you don't? I'm sorry, let me see what else is on the menu. Wait. You aren't in a restaurant, you're in prison! Sorry, that's what you get." Everyone was in too much pain to care. They went to bed hungry. "Serves them right! If any new fights break out I'll let you know." Yas said. She was glad there was no fighting when she was on duty. She only had to deal with all the night problems. Those were a headache in themselves.


	104. Did you ever have a pet?

"I miss Fangs." Missy said. "Who is Fangs?" Clara asked. " Fangs was my pet Fervat. " Missy explained.  
"What's a Fervat?" Now River was interested. " Like a ferret ,rabbit ,shark and porcupine mix. He was so happy to see me. Every time I brought him food he would wag his tail and bare his teeth. When his food screamed he would-" Donna cut her off. "What did you feed this.... THING?" She asked. "Enemies... Sometimes friends. He really loved playing with his food. It was so cute to see him stick his quills into-"  
Donna cut her off again. "Any pets that weren't... Monsters?" She asked. Missy looked horrified. " Fangs was no monster! He was just a little sweetheart love bug darling. " Missy said. This caused River's jaw to drop. In all the years they had been cell mates she had never heard Missy refer to anything by any terms of endearment. She had also never heard of Fangs. 

"River, did you ever have a pet?" Clara asked. " Well... Rocky really isn't a pet. He is a Time Cat. " River said. "You mean that flea bag is still alive!?!" Missy was incredulous. "Of course. He's older than the Doctor. I think he's on his fourth life." River had to think for a moment. Rocky wasn't young but he wasn't old either. He was closer to early middle age. "I thought I killed him! How did he survive Fangs?" Missy was rather disappointed. "So you're why he has that scar on his head. He hates you with a passion! Not that he lets the Doctor see his hatred. He did say that-" "Wait!" Clara interrupted. "Are you really saying that this cat talks?" " Of course he talks! He's a Time Cat. " River acted like all cats spoke intelligently. "How come I never saw him when I was on the TARDIS?" Clara asked. " He doesn't like to show himself often. Mostly when it's him and the Doctor. He really loved the kids when they were old enough to let him and give him treats. " "Clara, did you ever have a pet?" River asked. "I had a dog when I was little. Her name was Monkey. But I only had her a short time before she died. I guess she was really old. My dad bought her for my mum when they were dating. Then I have a cat named Fuzzy. He loved to play with a ribbon." Clara said. " Oh for the love of.... What is it with you humans getting cats and dogs? Honestly! Next you'll be saying you had fish or hamsters or some other little stupid thing. " Missy felt that the only pets should be scary and serve a purpose that included eating enemies. "I had both. They were awesome." Clara said. "Fuzzy used to curl up on my bed at night and purr." " How did you get fervet for a pet? " River asked. "Captured him as a baby of course. He was only a tiny thing, but boy did his mother give one hell of a fight! She was no match for me. I was gone before she could kill me. Fangs took four years to train. But when he was done, oh, the glorious feast he had!" Missy looked happy, River and Clara not so much. More disgusted. "You took a baby from its mother? What is - I don't want an answer to that question." Clara said. Asking what was wrong with Missy was like lighting a fuse. "He absolutely loved the taste of Zygon! He almost ate a while army of them once. The suckers got stuck to his mouth and he left about half of them. He was such a good pet. " River and Clara both cringed. "Once, when my kids were little, they chased Rocky through the console room and the Doctor tripped over him! Oh, I have no idea who looked more hurt. Him or the Doctor. Obviously the children weren't allowed to run around the console room, or to chase Rocky, but kids will be kids. He hid for six months straight. Only came out to eat after he was sure nobody was awake. " River said. "Did he kill any of your spawn?" Missy asked dryly. "No! Why would he do that? He kept the space rat population in control. I never saw a live one. If he so much as saw one hair, that was it for that little pest." River said. "Why is it that it's fine for Rocky to eat rats but Fangs eating another being is wrong?" Missy asked. "It's what they do." " The difference is that Fangs was being handed your enemies as a meal. In the wild he would have caught his own food. Rocky was following instinct. No person brought vermin on board just for the pleasure of watching him eat. There is a difference. " River clarified. "If Fangs had caught those people on his own, without your help, it would be different. But you fed him your enemies, he didn't catch them. They had no free will." Missy was losing interest. Free will was always debated, but nobody wanted to debate it with Missy. "Rocky curls up on the Doctor's coat and sheds all over it. Then, he won't move off it so the Doctor can use the coat! It always ends in an argument. Seeing a cat argue with a person is beyond funny. " River said. "So that's who the Doctor was taking to! I thought I was dreaming." Clara said. "And I was sure I killed him." Missy said. River shot Missy a look that would kill. "He is the most annoying cat in the universe!" Missy was adamant. "All he ever does is sleep and shed. Fangs never had that problem. I cleaned his tank once a month and he was fine. He hated clean anything. Very picky creature. " River and Clara had tuned Missy out. They didn't want to meet Fangs or his ilk. All the talk about animals kept everyone busy. Donna was finally able to make a dent in the paper work. No fighting, no extra paper work. She didn't know Rocky existed. But she had heard of Fangs. He died from old age. No more let Fervet. Donna was a gleam in Missy's eye. "Don't even think about forcing Rocky to stay here! I will Not have a cat in this unit! Time Cat or regular cat, I don't care, no cats or anything else!" Donna realised there was no way Rocky would leave the TARDIS. He loved it. Besides, a talking cat? Not with three inmates who won't shut up. That would be a nightmare.


	105. Help!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has an accident an needs help. Can she learn to be dependent instead of independent?

They had only been outside for a moment. But that was long enough for River to slip and fall on the ice. Seeing the blood and bone sent Clara to the nearest guard. "WHAT DO YOU WANT, INMATE?" Snapped the big man in uniform. " My cellie, she fell and needs medical attention. " Clara explained. "Well tell her she can get a bandaid later." Snapped the man. " NO! She... she's really hurt. I think she broke something. Lots of bone and blood. " Clara was almost wetting herself in fear. "Oh really?" The tone changed to one of actual concern. Not that this man cared, but blood and bone were bad. He wasn't getting fired for something that was not his fault.

Missy watched the whole thing play out. She hardly ever got to see blood anymore. And bone with it? It was an added Bone-us. (Pun intended) Fangs would have enjoyed this. Too bad River was on the Do Not Kill list. But watching River cry in pain was fun. "Maybe they will take your arms. Then you would be stuck in medical forever." Missy said with glee. " Oh great! " Said a hulk of a man in a guard uniform. "It's the Warden's kid." He pressed a button and almost instantly had a team of medics and guards bringing everyone back inside.

" I can set the nose and arms. I have never seen such a fall! This is one for the books! She'll need casts for about three months, maybe longer. See what you can do to help her. " The doctor told Donna. This was just what she wanted, an inmate in need of help who would not want any. This was perfect! "River, let me help you eat." Donna said. Everyone else was finished and River was still trying to eat on her own. "Donna, may I?" Asked Clara. Being about ready to quit, Donna gave the fork over to Clara. "River, I know you don't want help. And I know you are hungry and probably in pain. Now, I can help you fix that. But you must let me feed you. Unless you want the Doctor to hear. And I could always tell your parents." Clara made a good point. River allowed Clara to feed her. "Yes, you need help using the bathroom! You can't move your arms, how are you going to grab the paper? Or wash your hands? Or brush your teeth? You can either let me help or I'm going to get a nurse." Yas was serious. "Unless you want your father-" That was as far as Yas got before River agreed to her help. Begrudgingly, she let Yas brush her teeth and change into pajamas. "You comfy? Need your pillow fluffed?" Asked Clara. " Fluff the pillow, please add the extra blanket. " River replied. It had been a long day and River fell asleep fast. Clara and Missy had to listen to her talk all night long.

"You need help! I'm getting a nurse." Donna said as she left the cell the next morning. "Maybe a few weeks in a medical unit cell will convince you to cooperate." Donna called and was finishing the conversation when she looked up and saw Clara helping River. " Uh... Never mind, the problem seems to have resolved itself. " She said, hanging up the phone. Being too stunned to make a coherent sentence, Donna just watched as Clara took control. "River, the Doctor wouldn't be happy if your teeth rotted out, would she?" Clara asked. The thought never occurred to River. Of course she would get the same lecture the Doctor had given their kids. "If you don't brush your teeth you can kiss them goodbye. You can also kiss any treats goodbye. And your over all health will suffer..." The lecture had several pictures , none of them pleasant. But every single child had their teeth. (Two had a few in jars due to an accident.) 

River found that Clara treated her with dignity. She helped her in a matter of fact manner and made no comments about any task. Some gentle reminders of the Doctor made River compliant for most things. Threats of allowing Rory to help her did the rest. "Can I go outside?" River asked. " No. You can use the indoor area. " Donna replied. River wanted to be outside. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. But Missy said "Really River, it's too cold. I don't want to go outside today. My hair would be all over the place." " Oh, you're all staying in. It's way too cold for anyone to go out today. " Donna said when she checked the temperature. The exercise cell was rather small for three inmates. And having one of them with immobilized arms made it worse. River kept bumping into the bars. Every time she jarred her casts she whimpered. Usually she could take the pain, but the cold weather was making it very hard. Seeing tears in her eyes Clara asked to be sent back to their cell. River managed a small smile and spent the rest of her day laying down. When River thought she couldn't take any more help, the day came. Her casts were removed and she was overjoyed. But Her arms were not the same. "Muscle atrophy. It will take a few weeks of therapy, but you should be better soon." Said the doctor . "You'll have your arms back just in time to hug the Doctor." Donna said. And when the Doctor arrived that's just what River did.


	106. Grand whats!?!?

"Please, Donna? Please?" River was eager. " It's only for the day. And Mary and Felix would be so happy to have time to themselves. " "I told you, NO! NO, NO, NO! If you want to babysit your grandkids you can do so on the TARDIS. A prison is no place for children." Donna stated. " Donna is correct. " Amy said as she came in. " A prison is no place for- did you say babysit for Mary and Felix? I would get to see my great grandbabies? " Amy suddenly became excited. "Well, of course Ollie and Jax can come over, I'll call Rory. This will be fun!" Amy went back to her office, forgetting why she had come in the first place.

"How old did you say they were?" Donna asked. " Let me see... " River thought for a moment. "Ollie is five so that makes Jax... Three. You'll love them. Really, they are no trouble. Both are completely potty trained and very polite. Ollie loves dolls and Jax is mad about anything related to art. He just sits there with his crayons and books and colors for hours on end." River gushed. Donna was impressed by how River knew so much about two children she barely ever got to see.

" Rory! Rory! Take the day off! Call in sick! Ollie and Jax are spending time with us! " Amy almost took off his ear. "Uh, Amy? They're coming to a prison? That's against the rules and you know how Mary feels about the kids-" He was cut off by his wife. "Oh, they aren't staying here! They'll be at our place." Rory felt a knot form in his stomach. " Our place? You mean the one that's not child proofed and River can't be at? " Well that took the wind out of Amy's sails. "Then where?" She asked. " They can't stay here. But there is nothing that says they can't be in my office. " Amy said. " "So your grandsons are paying a visit? Do their parents know where they will be? " Asked Clara. "Jax is my grandson, Ollie is my granddaughter." River corrected. " And yes, their parents know where they will be. " Clara found it hard to believe that they really did know, but she wasn't about to get River in trouble with her family. "And the Doctor? Does she know?" River suddenly went pale. " Oh, the Doctor... Right, she doesn't know. At least I hope she doesn't. It would be very difficult to explain. " Amy took an early lunch and got several toys and things for the kids to play with. "Got enough crayons and coloring books?"Her Secretary asked. "Well the little one loves coloring and the older is obsessed with dolls. I figured I needed a few things." " Won't the Doctor enjoy having her grandkids around. " Chuckled the young woman. "I hope she knows." Amy had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Amy realised she forgot to ask when they were coming. River said three days. "Will we be seeing the Doctor? She loves a good visit from the grandkids." River blanched. The one person she forgot to tell. Her wife would be furious at her. But, what was life for if not to break rules and send her wife into an apoplectic fit? She would get over it, she always did. " Grandma, Grandma, Grandma! " Yelled two little.... Clara wasn't sure what they were. But they had the same twinkle in their eyes as the Doctor. And they had River's curls, Rory's nose, and Amy's hair color. They also had four fingers on each hand and ears that were pointed almost to a sharp end. But they were cute. "Jax, Ollie! I'm so happy to see you!" River gave them both the biggest hugs she could. " How about we see Nana Amy and Papa Rory? " River wanted to get them into a different setting without too much trouble or questions. "They are adorable! I wonder what species their mother is." "I think she's a vellon." Donna said. " Why would Felix marry a felon? " Clara asked. " Not Felon, Vellon! From the planet, Vellonian 12! " Missy corrected. "I don't think I ever visited." Clara said. " of course you haven't. I blew it up years ago. Felix met Mary at a refugee camp. They got married and live on Fressus 10. " Jax and Ollie had a blast! They colored and played until it was time to go. "Mom? Gran? What are you doing with the kids?" Felix asked. Nobody heard him and Mary return. She " Uhh... Playing? " River said. "In a prison? Next time you get them for the day, take them to the park." Mary said. " I don't want them on the TARDIS. " "Not on the TARDIS, not in a prison, not in an office, not in a bunker, you are no fun." River said. "Well, Felix doesn't feel that way. As a matter of fact, we are going to have another grandbaby. Actually, make that three. It's triplets." River looked shocked. " I get to play with five? You are the best kids a mother could ask for! " River and Amy became excited. "Oh, and we are getting a puppy." Mary said. River got to spend time with her grandkids, found out about three more on the way, and got to knit for a puppy? She was in heaven. "The Doctor will have a heart attack." Mary said. "No. I think her hearts might just stop all together. She is a sucker for babies and pets." River said. "And the TARDIS is an incredible babysitter. But not as fun as me." She finished. " Yes. I heard all about how wonderful the TARDIS is. And unless you have an updated play room and filter the stories, the TARDIS will never meet them. " Mary was very concerned. "They will be just fine. But some new safety measures are needed. And new break pads. I'll make sure to have things fixed." River said. " And Nana Amy, do you have that recipe for honey cookies? Felix loves them so much. " Mary finally remembered to ask. "How were the kids?" Asked Clara. "Great! Now I understand the best part of being a grandparent: sending the kids home and going to sleep!" River loved her big family, but loving them from afar was nice.


	107. New Chef

"Where did you find this slop?" Missy asked, moving her food around skeptically. "It's not slop. It's chili Mac and cheese. Try it." Donna said. The memory of the last time chili was served still made everyone shudder. That American fireman had given everyone quite an upset. " Is this what they serve inmates over there? " Missy asked. "How should I know? Just eat it, would you?" Donna said. Missy tasted it... Not bad.  
Actually, it was delicious. Donna blinked and had three prisoners standing at the food slot asking for seconds. "You are not getting anymore. And hand over your plates before you get a silly idea." Donna knew that if she said what she was thinking Missy would try and eat the plates. No visits to remove pieces of plastic from her digestive tract today.

"What's for breakfast?" River asked in the morning. "Well, it's winter so... Porridge. And tea." Everyone looked rather disappointed. "Chili mac and cheese isn't for breakfast! You know that would be awful." Donna pointed out . "So, for lunch then?" Missy asked. "No! According to the menu, you are having pasta rings in sauce. Missy, you should like that! It's a bit like spaghetti and meatballs." Donna tried to cheer them up. " And for dinner? " Clara asked. "It looks like Chicken a la king." Donna replied. " When do we get the chili mac and cheese again? " She asked. "I'm only privy to what you eat in one day, for all I know they won't add it to the meal rotation. You'll just have to see." The chicken a la king was amazing. "I though that last dish was good, but this is even better!" Missy said as she tore into her food. "Missy, please slow down you don't want to-" Was as far as Donna got before Missy did choke. "River, would you please help Missy?" She asked. " Awww! Do I have to? " River asked. "Unless you want me to tear up your legs so bad you hope they fall off you'll bloody well do it now!" Donna threatened. "No need. You going to make it, Missy?" Clara said as she straightened out her own uniform. " Thank you, Clara. At least somebody knows how to keep me from regenerating. " Missy glared at River. The next night was another wild success. And the next week of meals was out of the park. Who was this new chef and how did they make such incredible food? "You like the new guy in the kitchen?" Amy asked. " Yes! " Missy, River, and Clara said in unison. "As far as I know, he's a chef from America. His food is amazing. And he makes the best spaghetti and meatballs you've ever had." Missy didn't think anyone could top her mother's... Until she had a bite. "Missy, I'm glad you like the food but would you be so kind as to eat the food on YOUR PLATE! I want my food too!" Clara said. Well, Clara had saved her from almost choking to death. That could have been embarrassing if she had regenerated into a man. River could lose a few strands of pasta. She argued with Donna instead of acting like a hero. She deserved to miss a meatball or four. "Missy, you don't look so good. Are you okay?" Yas asked later, when she noticed her charge turning a sickly shade of green. " Too. Many. Meat. Balls. " Missy choked out. "Anyone who has a dozen meatballs will have a sore tummy. You stole most of them from Clara and River. Maybe this will teach you to take food that isn't yours." Yas said. "They. Were. Too. Good." Missy grimaced. " And now you over did it. The few you had on the plate would have been plenty. Go lie down, you'll feel better in the morning. " Yas replied. Missy knew it was true,her greed got the better of her. "Please Clara! Slow down, the pancakes aren't going anywhere." Donna said in the morning. The chef had created some of the most amazing blueberry pancakes any of them had ever eaten. "River, smaller bites please. Missy use your napkin to wipe your mouth." Donna felt like she was talking to children and not adults who had lived far longer than any human ever had. Donna had eaten some of the pancakes herself. She knew they were the best thing she had consumed in... Well, ever! But she wasn't going to fill out paperwork for eating utensil injuries. (Although she did have a form for that, after an incident with some chicken, a fork, and a hand. But that's another story.) When breakfast was finally over and everyone told "no, you can't have more. You've had more than enough." Donna did a quick inmate inspection. "If you three aren't the stickiest inmates ever, I don't know who would be!" She said. True, all three had syrup and butter in every spot they could get it. " Another round of shower, and clean uniforms. Then I'll see what else needs cleaning. " Donna could only deal with one disaster at a time. Things were going great for several weeks. Until the food became bland and grey. "What happened to the good food?" Asked Clara. Apparently the chef had to go home to America. His mother is dying and he needs to care for her and a few other people. " Donna replied. "Well, it was good while it lasted. Maybe next time Amy hires a chef they won't need to leave abruptly." Clara said hopefully. At least with bland food nobody made a grab for someone else's plate. "Good food with animals, or bland food in civility?" River asked. At the thought of being called an animal Missy socked River with a pillow. "I think I want regular food with my cell mates." Said Clara. Nobody could think of a better way to eat. ~


	108. A messy cell

It was nearing spring when Donna happened to take a good look at the cell. "This place is disgusting! The floor looks horrible and those uniforms need replacing and that plexiglass is all scuffed. How did this place get so bad?" "We clean regularly, maybe you need new glasses." Missy said. " From here it's perfectly - ugh! This place is a disaster! " Missy found dust when she ran her hand along a shelf. "I guess we haven't been as diligent as we could be." Clara said. "You can say that again! And how did your uniforms get so worn? You all look like a sorry bunch. The board better not make an inspection today, I'd lose my job." Donna said. "Spring is upon us and boy, we need a good dusting! I'll get the tools, you three will turn that cell inside out." Donna told them. " I'll order you new uniforms and bed clothes, you clean. Maybe this place will look better before summer gets here. " Donna wasn't kidding, it would take forever to get this done. Of course this happened to also be the day the Doctor showed up. "No. Not today. You can join us in cleaning if you like, but nobody is going anywhere until that cell sparkles." Donna told her. " Can I help? " Asked the Doctor. Of course she wanted to help. She always wanted to help. "You can help clean this hallway." Donna replied. The smell of soap and cleaner suddenly made cleaning easy. "Usually I don't like the smell of disinfectant, but today it's nice." Said Missy as she scoured the bathroom. "And I think I can remove those scratches with my sonic." Said the Doctor , pointing to the plexiglass that separated her and her wife. "Thanks! I don't know how we would do that otherwise." Donna said in a relieved tone. Sure enough, twenty seconds later the plexiglass looked like new. " You can hardly tell it's there. " Donna smiled. By mid afternoon the entire place looked amazing. "A little elbow grease and some tools made all the difference." Donna said. " Just in time for a snowstorm. " Amy said as she entered the unit. "This is beautiful. You all did an amazing job." " Snowstorm? But it's spring. " Donna said. "No. Not for a few more weeks. It's still winter, we just had a warm spell. But you three do need new uniforms regardless. And since you did so well with the shoveling last time, you can do it again." Everyone looked at Amy. " Keep up the good work. And Doctor, dinner is at six. " Now everyone was tired and cranky. "Early bedtime?" Yas asked. "Very early." Donna said. "How about nine?" Yas asked. "How about now?" Clara replied as all three inmates went to bed.


	109. Getting caught

Yas was busy with the never-ending cycle of paperwork. For three inmates, they sure required lots of forms. Filled out. In triplicate. Daily. Everything from cleaning supplies to bedsheets to underwear, all had forms. She made sure everyone was asleep and went about the task.  
Not everyone was asleep though. Missy was awake and waiting. She had a plan, it was messy, but a good one none the less. All she needed was for Yas to be engrossed in those papers... Now was her chance. She crept out of bed and went over to Clara. "One less person in this cell. If only the counsel hadn't been stupid enough to let you live." Missy pulled a knife. Before she could do anything, a hand grabbed her. "Drop that or I'll see to your own demise!" River hissed. Missy did and the knife flattered to the ground.

" What is going on? Why are you two over Clara? Is she alright? You didn't hurt her, did you? " Yas was livid. "No. Clara will be just fine. How did you get my best knife?" River shook Missy. " I could have sworn I hid that... Well, never mind where I hid it. But it wasn't near you! " "A lady never tells. And besides, you stopped me before I could do anything." Missy returned. " What's happening? Is everything ok? " Clara woke up. "Missy was just trying to kill you. I stopped her, go back to sleep." River said.

If you had just been told someone was trying to kill you, going back to sleep would not happen. "Yas! Help!" Clara called. "I have two of the strongest tasers allowed and they are pointed right at you, Missy and River. Hand over the knife and get down on the floor. NOW!" Yas wasn't kidding. She knew those were special tasers and they would stop the heart of a normal person. Thankfully, nobody here was normal. Missy and River did as they were told. They knew how painful the tasers were and didn't want a refresher course. "You are losing every last privilege and anything else I can think of. " Yas said to Missy. "Every last Counselor Carl book, comic, toy, and everything else. I think I'll just confiscate everything from everyone. That's the easiest thing." Yas was not kidding. She went through the entire cell and took everything that wasn't standard issue. "My teddy!" Clara cried. "Maybe another night. It's mine for now." Yas said. "My blanket! You bitch!" Missy snarled. "Sorry. You brought this on yourself." Yas told her. " No! You can't have it! " River said, clutching her journal. "River, we can do this the easy way of the hard way. Give it here or get tasered and lose it for a week." Yas was serious. River was torn. She hated being tased, but her journal was like her left arm. Yas could see the dilemma River was in. "Let me make this easy. You brought a weapon into a prison. That's easily more time added to your sentence. Someone took that weapon and attempted to kill another person while they slept. You indirectly caused this. Does that make your decision easier?" River looked horrified at Yas's words. If that knife was on the TARDIS this wouldn't have happened. She was sure she had hidden that knife elsewhere. But with so many caches all over time and space, she couldn't be sure. Giving up the journal for a night was the least she could do. She loved Clara like a daughter and didn't want her hurt. With everyone sore from losing their stuff, Yas went to write up an incident report. "Go to sleep now. You can plead your case to Amy and Donna tomorrow." Clara was shaken. She couldn't sleep now. " River? Can I join you? " She asked. "Alright. But only because you are afraid of sleeping next to Missy." River made room on her bed, such as it was. Clara felt protected and soon was sleeping peacefully. River enjoyed the feeling of someone next to her. It had been so long since she and the Doctor shared sleeping quarters, she missed it. Come morning, Donna and Amy had no idea how to punish Missy any better than Yas had. Missy was upset by the loss of her blanket and made sure everyone knew. "You are going to have to earn that blanket back. And everything else too." Donna said. She gave River and Clara their stuff back. "You get yours back by being nice." Donna explained. Missy was still upset but knew she was lucky. At least she wasn't in psych. River and Clara spent the day doing a puzzle. A very large puzzle. "I bet I can do a whole three thousand piece puzzle by myself." Clara said. " Do you have one that big? " River asked. "Ashildr gave it to me for my birthday. It's a 3D puzzle of... I'm not quite sure what. But I bet I could do it in a day." " Alright. You're on. " (NEXT TIME: CLARA AND THE PUZZLE)


End file.
